I can’t stop myself from seeking out hateful transphobic content. And it hurts and I have nowhere where I can be myself and I feel alone and empty
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Trans
Forewarning: this post may contain triggers for victims of sexual assault, drug addiction, homelessness, domestic violence, self harm.
Resilience has always been my ally. I first posted to this forum for help when I was 12. To be completely honest , I’m a little surprised to be writing this right now.
Unfortunately, although my resilience got me this far (I’m to turn 23 on January, the 5th), I’m struggling to see beyond the current moment, unless I want to feed the intrusive thoughts and disgust that I feel. I can’t fake positivity and I don’t have the energy to pursue real happiness. I feel like some sick […]
So I guess I’m having a crisis over art and gender. Idk my art style anymore and anything a draw/make isn’t good enough. It’s kinda stressing me out because art has been the one thing I could rely on. Idk. Also I’ve been feeling some derealization? Idk. It’s like nothing feels like it’s real but it’s not like the classic derealization/depersonalization/dissociation that psychologists know. Idk. But the derealization feels a lot like what I previously described as dysphoria so now I’m like what if I’m not actually nonbinary. Idk. bit stressed and overwhelmed and I feel like I should die? idk. Logically I know I […]
Ok. So for a while now, I’ve identified as agender but I honestly don’t really know if that’s the right label? cause like, I’ve cut my hair, and I’m feeling a bit better with myself and I’m more comfortable with people calling me Jackie and not Jacqueline but I dunno. Like, I don’t feel right with people touching me or like, people talking about me as a girl but it doesn’t feel wrong? like, I love hearing people call me Jackie and not Jacqueline and I really have no clue what I’m feeling. Like, am I trans? i dunno. i have no clue what I […]
i just want to go to sleep for a few years and have a nice dream about being a boy.
i just want to be a boy.
i want to wake up and be happy and organized and energetic and peaceful and have a triangular body and a square jaw.
i want to be thin, but i also want to be strong.
i want to be him, and him, and him, and him.
(i want to be her.)
i wish i was beautiful, i wish i was perfect. i wish was my skin was new and pure.
(they’re so lucky, those beautiful people. i hope they know that.)
(i hope they […]
So I don’t know if this will help, or make me feel worse, but I’m finding it difficult to deal with the present moment so I need to do something – anything – to avoid sinking lower.
Earlier this year I realized something about myself that I could no longer deny. I am transgender. It was the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced to have all of these things just click in a moment, and then no matter what I did, it was all I could think about.
At first, I just thought about what it would be like to have been born the gender I felt […]
I have been struggling with my inner demons and haunted by the ghosts of my past for most of my life, and I simply don’t know how much more I can possibly take. I’m just not strong enough to keep fighting off the darkness within that much longer, sometime sooner or later it’s going to engulf me… and I won’t survive. I have always had a certain proneness to being emotionally unstable but several years ago I had a severe psychological breakdown triggered in part, by my mum’s death. Before she passed away she repeatedly asked for me and I desperately wanted to be there for her, […]