the truth is that..i still feel this way all the time.i dont have a girlfriend i can afford..i cant afford to even kal a girl that just acceptd my proposals i am as broke as a dinosaurs fossil.i am sliding into depression jst from making this comment.a girl once fainted in my arms at home.but i couldnt afford the simplest form of transportation around this parts,i couldnt get her to the hospital or anything.i was called a curse to the economy.i can hardly afford my meals so i am staying with my parents,this to a great lenght have stopped me from being who i am,truth […]
Im 24 years old, married, a mother of two, and i have been suicidal since the age of 12. I attempted many times, been hospitalized, been on any med you can think of, and i still cant pull myself out of this. Truth is, i love my husband, but our relationship was abusive in the past, i developed PTSD. Also coupled with molestation as a child, i have alot of anxiety. I have also discovered that i have been in love with a long time friend for a long time. I sleep with him on occasion, and i just want to stay there. Like i […]
Do you ever get the feeling where you don’t feel dark or especially depressed, but your mind is fixated on suicide and it’s never far from the front of your thoughts? You’re able to function just fine and you don’t feel any sadder than usual, it’s just that you’re constantly planning and thinking about your own death no matter how hard you try to distract yourself.
That’s how I feel right now, and have felt for the past 2 years pretty much non stop. And it scares me, because I can’t help but wonder if this is all I am now, all I’m going to be. […]
I told you the truth
Did you care
did you even listen
did it even affect you
no
you told me
no dont do it
and left it at that
you will be replaced
by the fallen angels
for they speak to me
listen to me
want me near
I took myself off of my meds without my doctors permission.l didnt like feeling like a zombie. I am used to being sad all of the time and now i cant even be sad at all. The meds are definitely doing its job but i just dont like not being sad. i know that sounds absolutely crazy but its the way i am and the truth. I wonder if my parents will wonder that i am not taking my meds. i wonder what my psychiatrists will think when she finds out. ITs a risk im willing to take. NO MEDS FOREVER!
Today, I met a little girl,
With brown hair and brown eyes.
She is only ten years young,
But beyond her years she’s wise.
Today, I learned that life’s not fair.
This girl, she cuts her skin.
Barely grown, yet feels such pain,
From outside and within.
Today, I saw the truth denied,
To me by many folk.
Life is hell and then you die.
Today, I finally broke.
You’re thirsty for life, yet, so eager to die.
When you reach for the stars, you fall from the sky.
To tell you the truth, life is only a lie.
You fear yourself, but you don’t question why.
You’re hungry for more than lonely nights.
Thinking you’ll learn to fly if you reach for the light.
When you realize the truth, you’ll give up the fight.
Did you ever forget that you’re empty inside?
Part 1 can be read by clicking my name and selecting part one. Summary wise part one was an account of early life into middle school. Who I was and how I was and what I went through and how I held up hope. This part two will be the same but from high school.
In 8th grade things were nearly on the line. I was by this time seeing a paid therapist who seemed like she was listening but she wasn’t And when I reached 10th grade her doctor friend (who was a beauty) who gave me zoloft and kept a careful eye on me […]
I’m no longer daddy’s little girl. The princess of his castle. There is no wonder left, no stories of wonderful lands and castles in far away places. Just the terrifying nightmares that haunt me in my sleep. The ones of innocence taken away, the ones of betrayal. Daddy stars in my nightmare and this time he brought friends. Because I have no hope of being successful there’s only one thing I’m good for now.
I stand lost in my nightmare with pain and sadness. I see myself shatter time and time again. And then suddenly I’ve had enough i can take no more pain. I don’t want to feel anymore so I […]
Im that girl thats not perfect..
I act happy and smile,and help people with their problems..but not with my own.I use to tell others how I felt..everyone knew what was on my mind..If i was sad everyone would know,if i was happy as well.And everyone knew what was going on with me and my family..I use to be like that when I moved to my new school.Everyone was kind and I had problems..I didnt do it for attention..I did it for help..
Nowadays I keep it stored inside.If someone asks me how im doing ill say okay,or fine.But thats far from the truth..
Ive tried to kill myself […]
When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
So starting today…
Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done
Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.
Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.
Give up complaining. – Do something about it.
Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
Give […]
Okay, well this is my story..
I’m quite young and I’m broken. I’m depressed and suicidal, clearly.. and i selfharm. I put on the fakest smile every single day. I’m miserable, I just want to be dead, to be free, to be happy. I have tried to take my own life many times, I don’t really have a massive story. But my depression has taken over me, my self eestem is horrible, I can’t leave the house without crying, I’m horribly fat and aswell so ugly. I hate leaving the house because I usually don’t have the nicest clothes because i’m not rich, my family struggles […]
I bought a rope and there’s a bridge not far from where I live ..
I’ll be waiting for my intuition to tell me it’s time to go through with it
I’m tired of living just because others want and expect me to
I’m tired of living to preserve my relatives precious bubbles .. I’ve almost reached my breaking point
I’ve been trapped (1) in a body and (2) in this world for too long
I’ve lost interest in figuring out what my purpose is (assuming there’s even one)
my presence on here must be an error, I have no choice but to fix it
once I’m dead: no more struggles, […]
Once when wanting to die I got ememensely drunk. Left what I couldn’t drink of my pay check on the bar and walked till I found a woods and found a wood pile and buried myself at the bottom. I didn’t want to die in a sudden gory way that was definitive. The worst on the people that knew me is that they would occassionally wonder where in the world I might be. The best is some wild life would have a good feast.
It would have made things easier now if I hadn’t woken up with the solitary need to get warm. I have been catapulted […]
Hello.
This is my note. This is the only place my note will ever be, because I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with this.
I’m nothing, I mean nothing to myself. I would really rather disappear into nothing. Scatter myself into a thousand and one atoms, floating peacefully in space. Instead I’m stuck here, in this colourless hell. The only person i can talk to won’t listen, I can’t tell her anyway. I love her too much to let her bear this.
Anyway, my name is Sian. I’m nearly sixteen, I have blonde hair and brown eyes. I’m a dancer, that’s how I define […]
funny thing is, i survived six years of heroin addiction. i think i miss the pain of the needle going in more than the opiates hitting my brain. something about pain and pleasure being inexorably tied together that makes one less real without the other. Was listening to Trent Reznor’s Hurt earlier and was struck by the truth of the lyrics
i hurt myself today….to see if i still feel….i focus on the pain….the only thing thats real
if i could start again….a million miles away…i would keep myself….i would find a way
it gives me a strange sense of comfort to think that after the deed is […]
This time I died. Not when I was supposed to. I’m sorry to the man who is now Gone and I still walk. If there is a heaven then u have found it, and you may be looking upon me screaming. Yelling till ur lungs bleed and your breath won’t replenish in your lungs. I hate u is what you will prob say. Or I want to rip open your mind with a spoon and scream into it. WAKE UP U DUMB F$&@!! Just please wake up… But he never woke up. And never will I. Im so sorry Eric. I never meant for any […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
people keep telling me I deserve to be happy to know I’m a good person.I wish I could believe that. I kept asking if she was happy. she asked me back. I told her I didn’t matter. truth is I knew I was never good enough for her.
how do you let go of the best thing that ever happened to you
I don’t want to live
I don’t want to die
I just want to sleep