This hell is mine

Sorry to be a bit all over. Had to get it out somehow. I was in a horrible car crash and I feel that I shouldnt have woken up. A man on a motorcycle named Eric was killed. I feel that he should have lived instead of me. I refer to myself as dead already because I am destined for such. I have felt as if I’m in a personal hell specifically tuned for my mind. Kinda like the matrix gone horribly wrong. And when I shoot myself I will wake up in the past and I can start again. Choose the right path.

Hey oneday. Thanks for your response. The story about the driver and woman is amazing. I bet that was the most difficult emotional time when they first met again. If u have any more info on they’re story pz reply. I’d like to look into it. The crash I was in had 3 cars and a motorcycle involved. It wasn’t my fault. Everyone one was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Eric was a older gentleman on a motorcyle, he had a wife and children. That’s all I know. A car cut off the van in front of me and the van hit the car and I was behind the van. This was on a two lane highway at high speeds. Our cars crunched together and pushed the van into the other lane where Eric was traveling the opposit direction at about 55 60 mph. His bike hit the van and he flew over it and his body slammed into my wind shield at a combined speed of prob pretty close to 100mph. Nothing could prepare me for that. It was like a toy doll being thrown by a child. I don’t know what happens next but our cars caught fire and everything burned. I regained consciousness for a moment in an ambulance. I couldn’t move. Strapped down and tore apart. The physical pain didn’t bother me at all. I looked up at the paramedic as he was workin on me and asked… Is he ok? He could barely speak the words. No , he’s passed. I immidietly lost it. Those words changed my life forever. Before I blacked out again he also told me in a comforting way , don’t worry Sean, with such speed and force on the human body he prob didn’t feel a thing. The force on his brain was instant and he passed away painlessly. When I woke up I was hospitalized for my injuries. I have always felt that if I wouldn’t have woken up then he would have. I know I shouldn’t kill myself and I don’t want to. But I have always felt that he shouldn’t have been taken away from his family and children with. I didn’t have kids Or a wife at the time but now I do. I have a beautifully girl of my dreams and she gave me the best gift in life ever. A son. My son is 3 yrs old and he has a bleeding disorder that my wife’s father and uncle died from when she was little. Damn genetics, she passed it on to our son. But after his surgeries and lines connected to his heart, we are able to give him a daily medication which clots his blood and helps him heal just like all the other kids. I love him soo much he’s perfect. Not a thing wrong with him in my eyes. If I could I would take his sickness for myself tho. Now that I know what it’s like to have a family who loves me and who I would give anything for. I realize that it wasn’t right for god to take Eric away from his family like that. I always have felt that he should have taken me in his place. At that time in my life I had no family no one that would have missed me. His children could have kept they’re father and he would still be here today. Wow I just wrote a lot. Sorry I didn’t even realize how much I was typing. Guess I needed to just let it out a little. Thanks for the post I am going to figure out a purpose for my life to help somehow and to bring a safety and comfort to anyone involved in terrible life changing situations. Thanks to all who may read this thru. Take care and be safe. Life can change in the blink of an eye.