Im that girl thats not perfect..
I act happy and smile,and help people with their problems..but not with my own.I use to tell others how I felt..everyone knew what was on my mind..If i was sad everyone would know,if i was happy as well.And everyone knew what was going on with me and my family..I use to be like that when I moved to my new school.Everyone was kind and I had problems..I didnt do it for attention..I did it for help..
Nowadays I keep it stored inside.If someone asks me how im doing ill say okay,or fine.But thats far from the truth..
Ive tried to kill myself 4 times..Ive failed everytime..Partially because i didnt want to see my little sister see me bleeding on the floor.I did it for her..Shes only 3 years younger then me..
Again my family is undergoing problems..and were now basically homeless.We live with are moms boyfriend..but we cant live there for long..We dont have money and we got evicted yesterday..
We have undergoing problems with housing for almost a year now..Yes weve had housing..but we had to keep moving from place to place for cheaper rent..and have not stayed in one place for over 3 months..If we stayed that long..
this has put much stress on me and my family.Suicide runs in my family..and my mom keeps saying shes going to do it..We explain to her that its not helping..but everytime we argue she says she will..and im not far from doing it myself..
At school i pretend its a different world..I go to a small school with only about 160 kids in the highschool.Im the girl that introduces my self to the new kids,hugs everyone,and is always bubbly.If someone needs to cheer up they come to me..and if someone has a problem they come to me..but its just a mask..only my true freinds know that this is not the truth this year..and one of my friends have confronted me about it..
Its my last year in highschool..and i try to keep busy to get the suicidal thoughts out of my head and the tears from running..My eyes always feel heavy now and tears always wish to come out..I hold them in..and keep my heart hallow..
Im so close to doing it..No one seems to care..and no one seems that they want to know..I feel alone!!!…I feel unloved!!!..and i feel like i have so much pain in me..but i cant cry..i cant let anyone know…I want to die..and no one can stop me..I dont want this anymore..but i wish to do this when everyone is away from the house..and i wish to do this when everyone has theyre back turned……
i need to…
11 comments
You are going through a hard time. Anybody would want to escape the pain.
thank you 8..im glad you understand!:)
🙂
just saddening… i dont know what to say really. you are so awesome for gonig through and living through it…
man, you’re so cool. liek Naruto you know? he;s an anime character, who feels shit but seriously uses a mask to make others happy…
pardon for the curses, but you are jsut so awesome…
thank you very much..your comment actually made me tear up…
grim, thats not a place where any child should be, the facts of this world no matter if you live in a western country or a 3 world country uncertainty about where to sleep tonight and where to get something to eat is enormous.
We see the world through tv and all the families have homes parents with jobs that make tons of money, yet tv never shows the reall world as it is for some.
many homeless people don’t even have access to the net, I assume your using someone else’s connection to post this.
Just know that your post touched me, I’m not far from being homeless also. I have been Googling homeless shelters for the last week. Once I get to that point I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ve never been homeless completely. I’m scarred also.
im sorry..its not easy nowadays..and thank you for that is true..the media shows perfect families and nothing wrong with them but bad grades..
stay strong..Because im sure it will get better..Maybe for one day it will for all of us..and yes i get internet rarely but i found this site and i needed to write something..
thank you very much..i send my love..
I think the media does people a disservice by promoting the illusion that the perfect family is somehow the norm if anything I think it would be the minority what are divorce rates something like 50% anymore. Add to that all the kids who’s parents were never married to begin with. Life is hard but it sounds like you are still managing to get through it and keep your head up. Its your last year of high school just try to get through it. If money is that bad maybe you can get an after school job to help out or maybe not as bad as the economy is. Once you are out of high school you should be able to qualify for financial aid to try to get through a trade program at a junior college or something. You should be able to find something you could train for in under a year that would get you an ok job that could at least pay the bills, maybe one of those quick nursing programs or something. Healthcare is always going to be high demand.
thanks…good ideas..and ill look into it..I failed once in fresjman year so im working my ass off to pass this year..so thats why i havent looked for a job most of this time..but yes im looking forward to try to go to college..and thanks once again..
Hi!…hmmm i feel a little awkward..but ..i am wanna be your friend..don’t ask me why…i..i don’know it’s just..just some strange feelings that i wanna care about you…i wanna be your sister or someone^^” really, i am here for you..no,i am not a very happy girl,not kind at all, not very good but when i read your story i ashamed for me…you are strong girl, i am not…i am simple nightcrybabe, i am used be fanny girl, no one know what i feel,as in your story…. but i have some reasons don’t give up, if you will know what is it you will laughing but i believe in maybee ..farytails, and i wanna make you believe in that too~ no not in fake reason.
if you will wanna talk with me about problems or will wanna have simple talk, contact with me
babeelf@yandex.ru
i swear tonight i thought about you, and beged God that kid like you must live and be happy….
and sorry for my poor english @__@
Oh no its not weird and thank you:)…i guess ill email you later thank you lots..and im so sorry i habent replied in a while had no internet..:)