Control. That seems to be the only thing I’ve ever wanted, the one thing I’ve never gotten. To feel like I actually have a say-so in what happens next or where I go… to feel like I can contribute something to my life because after all, it is MY life. I have a dad who always made the rules. Even though they were always stupid and illogical and only benefited him, he ALWAYS got the final say so. And it went from being just small things to bigger things. Where I go to college (a college I pay for COMPLETELY on my own, by the […]
Tag:
Truth
I still remember the times when nothing is too complicated (except for math) or too morbid. But now, look at my life. I like heavy metal and the colour black. I write poems that revolve around the theme death. I just came out of depression. And I want it back.
To say the truth, I came from a ‘perfect’ family. My dad has a good job, my mum loves all three of us and we siblings get along with each other almost all of the time. I get somewhat alright grades, around A to B usually, and I am in the school track team. Our whole […]
He’s…expecting.
Josh is expecting a baby with her…
If you’ve read my other stuff about Josh, you’d know that he’s the one I’ve been in love with since I was 15 years old and was my best friend since I was 12. The one that told me he’d always love me and cried when I had to leave. The one that used to lay out with me and watch the stars burn.
They’ve been dating for three years, but it never really hit me that they were serious. I never thought he’d have a child with her..and not me. He always gave me the impression that […]
I know there are some greens up in here that would get depressed at the slightest challenges and confrontations in life.it may be about what the other guys in school call you,it may be about a broken friendship or a missing school bag,it may be about a seperated family or a horny pervert..the truth is that when those updates are made up in here,it is because this kids has no one else or no where else to turn to.maybe they needed the mature opinion of the adult folks up in here.whom they ve come to respect and look up to.please adult sp folks if a […]
Hi my full name is not that important right now but I will be revealing it on a later post..
So this is my story..I’m a writer a very good one if I may say so myself and I “was” quite clever to, although I had a average life growing up with both parents and a grandparents who love me and spoiled me in every way possible growing up in the new South Africa..so if you asking yourself why am i here writing this post on this “suicide project” if I had such a good child hood..thing is life was never good to me..truth is the […]
The problem. I am the problem
Everything wrong comes from me
Nobody cares what I see as truth
None of it matters any who
I’m just another face in the crowd
Nothing special, not renowned
Never to become anything of worth
Cursed to walk the earth in misery for eternity
So easy are the old ways
To slip back to pains and drains
So familiar to my hand that it just might slip through a vein or three
The record in my head plays over and over again about how everything’s wrong
Everything’s gone
And how the world would move along without me here
I can’t focus I can’t sleep
I can’t dream I can’t eat
I can’t stand to live […]
Maybe she saw the truth, but she chose to ignore it
Better to be happy than have to face the problem
And she doesn’t know who she is
Maybe she kept the pain hidden in her scars, still hides it
Better to smile than to have them ask what’s wrong
And no one knows who she is
She will scream • and break all that you stand for
With her voice • all that stood will fall before
What is real • and it’s uncomfortable
But it’s real • and unpredictable
So let her wake • you • up and •When you sleep
You’ll see […]
Round and round the circle she spun
Hair pinned back by forceful gusts
Tripped and trapped with no way out
Round and round she spun forever
Salt streaks mark where tears had fallen
Her eyes hollowed by years of pain
Sweet misery and the blade that followed
Round and round the cirle she spun
Justice is a liar, truth set on fire
And all of the hurt is burning inside her
She never could hold on
Spinning as she plunged on down…
My life is a big piece of wrongful humor.
I wish I could dig my regrets deep down, break my sorrows, and let go of my sins.
Who’s that uncredited monster that dwells behind the scenes of my life? I will find you and kill you.
There is no such thing as routine. There is regular disorder.
Everything is possible… Until a choice has been made.
It won’t be what can’t be.
Forgive the truth for its cruelty.
Are you frightened? I’ve got a cup of pleasure for you.
Things, which make you cry, should reverse.
They are laughing, again. May they choke on their laugh.
Destroy all, destroy all or nothing.
I have been holding on for too long and I am slipping. I have no one up top to reach down and grab me, pull me up; and I have no one to catch me when I fall. I was once on the edge now I am dangling and ready to fall. I thought I could handle the weight of the world, fight on towards my future until the day I die. But I can’t. The world is depressing even-though there is so much fun around. I am so heart-broken even though I have friends, family, and a boyfriend who love me dearly. You may […]
is.it ‘lying’ if i tell my guy friend that im in school when im actually not? i want to tell him the truth but i fear i will be judge and ashamed that ill look pathetic how i still havent graduated high school due to the embaressing social.anxiety reason. i honeslty feel awkward just letting t out on this site to random people i dont know. i fear he wont understand and even if he does ill feel awkward. these feeling dont go away ino matter wht i tel myself. i dont want to go on ‘lying’ to him mich further. what should […]
It’s too late to say sorry. It’s too late to come clean. It’s too late to come back. It’s too late to be a “friend”. It’s too late.
You had a lot of chances. I rooted for you. You let me down and I’m ok with that.
I’m not ok with my life. I am not ok with having suffered as a result of my choices that were made while trying desperately to improve my circumstances. I am not ok for suffering and hurting for helping others. I am not ok with people who are mean-spirited, vile, and empty making my life miserable even though I try […]
Hello guys, its been about four months i think since i wrote anything. I guess because ive been writting on my journal (which is now burned). For abour a month now…or more, ive been more than depressed. I keep thinking its nothing. I mean im only 15, its normal to feel as if your world is falling apart, or any little thing bothers you because of the way we live or anything like that. Truth is, im getting tired of listening to all these thing. Telling myslf all this things is just huting me even more. Cause really its all fucking lies in my head. […]
you know that life is like a ticking clock nobody knows when its gonna stop before im gone i need to touch someone with a word with a kiss with a decent song
and it gets lonely when you live out loud when the truth that you seek isnt in this crowd you better find your voice better make it loud we gotta burn like fire or we’ll just burn out
*** *** dolls rebel love song.
Man, it’s been a long day
Stuck thinking ’bout it driving on the freeway
Wondering if I really tried everything I could
Not knowing if I should try a little […]
This website, though I havent been on for an extremely long time, has seriously made my days a bit brighter.
It’s just nice to have some people who kind of understand what I’m going through. kind of.
But still, it feels exremely good to share my feelings with people who wont judge. I wont be called an attention seeker, wont get judged, and will be talking to people who will actually listen.
To be honest, I started this because I was basicly forced to. My therapist, who has become a very good friend of mine even though I’m a teenager, said it might be good to talk out […]
So, my name is Courtney. My friends would tell you that I”m a happy person, always smiling. And I might tell you the same thing, or at least try to. The truth is, I’m depressed. I have been since I was 8 years old. I saw my beloved grandpa die right in front of me. That messed me up badly. Then my dog died. I couldn’t do anything. Then, my grandmother literally went insane and now she wants me dead. The woman who once promised me she would always love me, now tells me that she hates me. Â But things got worse after that. Â I […]
Have you ever felt like you were living on borrowed time? Got up in the morning to a cool, icy, winter sun and felt that you weren’t alive? That everything in this world is too surreal. That you are nothing but a mere spec of dust floating in the glow of the sun. Whirling and twirling, Being inhaled and exhaled by the world and it’s inhabitants. Or have you ever felt even smaller than that? Just one single atom. So miniscule that no one can truly define you beyond the others that surround.
Have you ever felt like you are part of the uniformity of society? […]
Lately, I noticed that when people compliment me for good jobs I did or for how well I look, my response is rather non-eventful, not even a “thank you” or “I appreciate it”..
It is like my mind responds with either “mm…okay” or “mm sure” And I did not continue or dwell any further on that subject. The person who complimented me also noticed my non-response, so the subject was rather short-lived. I realize that I acted like a jackass and send them a signal not to compliment me anymore. Maybe I truly don’t care or maybe I stopped feeling.
But the truth is.. Do I like […]
I want to say I just have feelings of tremendous love for each and everyone of you. You are so real, so in touch with truth, so in touch with your feelings, and that is so so special. I can relate to all the pain, the sorrows and depression you’ve been so kind to share on here. Hugs to you all, and I’ve joined to be with you all on our life journeys to survive the darkness and hopefully see it lift, no matter how much fighting it involves, no matter how dark and how hard, we can get up when we […]
Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.
From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.
All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.
From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]