Another day of, well, nothing. I can’t laugh, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want anything but to plan my final sleep. I don’t know if my coworkers notice- probably not, they don’t know me that well. I’m trying to decide whether to do it before Christmas, before New Year, or maybe in February. All these are good times, I guess.
Every day is just empty for me, all I look forward to is sleeping and forgetting for one night and then forever. I can forget how I always let everyone down, how I always disappointed everyone- story of my adult life. They […]
Tag:
trying
I’ve been on this site a lot recently. I like it here, because it allows me to scream into the void of internet anonymity within a community of like-minded individuals who will essentially scream with me. If only our commonalities weren’t so awful, you know? If only this were a site for kitten enthusiasts or people with an overabundance of zest for life instead of, well, what it is.
I looked through some of the “My Suicide Note” posts, and it was surreal reading what people intended as their final words. It was even more surreal when they didn’t come back and say they’d failed their […]
dear sp, just a warning. their is a troll on the loose. this one is really nasty. she was using the tag HAYTRED, but is now using GOD. do not bite her hooks. do not read her words, do not take her advice. she has nothing to offer. like all of us, i desire to find that peace, that one thing that will let us enjoy living. myth, maybe. her desire is death, destruction and misery. dont know about all of you, but ive had more than enough of that shit. so avoid her. good luck, peace to ya and keep trying.
Hey guys I decided I would just share my story before coming to a final close. I am a nineteen year old male living in Austin who has become disgustingly depressed. I grew up what you would call a “perfect child,” as school work became my entire life. My parents are high class, high expectation type of people who get on my ass about every little negative detail about me. I feel like I have grown up a robot, and now I am waking up to see how tragic my life is like. I have been to wilderness program and a therapeutic boardinig school just […]
today i realized my life is going no where fast and there is zero i can do to change it that i haven’t already tried. my lifes a dump im trash. i want to die. ive been trying so hard to not want it but i do.
I never really had a good life. My brother and mom never listened when I needed them, and my dad left when I was three. Middle school was where it got really hard. Over and over kids would come up to me to spout some insult just for the kick of it. No one ever even asked if I was okay. I had to change my personality over and over to try and fit in, now I don’t even know who I am. High school was the turning point from bad to the worst. My dad tried coming back because I won some academic award, […]
This is my first time posting here and I’m not really sure whether I’m on the right track regarding what this site is about…
For the past 3 years I have had reoccurring suicidal thoughts and a couple of failed attempts. The idea of being free from this life is so inviting! In a way, I’m ashamed and I know that I don’t want to hurt my family. I’m trying to remove these thoughts from my head but the battle is tough. The only thing stopping me is knowing that I don’t want my younger siblings to ever suffer as I am.
My self esteem is pitiful. […]
Hi ,
I’m new on here and I thought I would try this out since most days nothing else seems to really help. My boyfriend doesn’t know how to handle my episodes , on the bad days. I know he tries the best he can to help me.. but its more complicated then that . I feel like my friends have given up on me, all they care about is partying and there lives are just moving on while I sit here in my apartment trying to fight through my depression. I don’t want to tell them what I’m thinking or feeling because I don’t want […]
I’m so tired of living (more precisely breathing). I wish I was tired of posting the same old repetitive story about my frustration, guilt and unsuccessful attempts of redemption too. But this is the only thing I can do, sit in front of a laptop and write about how miserable I am and how much that I hate myself. One prime reason that my guilt has amplified is because I could have avoided that.I used to be on the other side, the brighter side. I should have/ could have tried a little harder to change things for good but my attempts failed miserably for the […]
Why I have to face myself everyday with depression and anxiety I don’t know, I just wanted to be liked and loved but sadly I never was and it doesn’t help when family members and pets had to die on me, I’m lost and alone an I’ve been contemplating suicide for a long time, I tried once before but my mum came in my room as I was fading out and stopped me before I died, I just don’t know what to do I have a life like everyone else but no one to Love at the same time and no one to love me […]
I guess this is the way I do it:
1. Push everyone away from me because I don’t deserve their love. I’m too unworthy for it.
2. Run into someplace where no one can find you and have no ways of contacting you. i.e., isolate yourself. Keep your phone somewhere and try to forget about it. Or switch it to Airplane mode. Yeah.
3. Hide. Remain in your bubble. A quiet bubble floating in the sea of noises.
So much for trying to distract yourself from the truth. So much for trying to forget and run away from it. So much for trying to create excuses.
Stop trying to […]
I was always bullied because of my race. I never done anything about it and I never told anyone because I was afraid. Everyday in school I get racism, pushed and even physical damage. One day I told my parents but they never done anything about it. It’s like they don’t care or want me to settle it myself. I want to settle it myself but I’m too weak and I always think about how everyone thinks about me. Like how I look or how good am I at sports. I did try to settle it but I became emo at an early age when […]
All my life it as always been like “Yarah why won’t you be kind” “why are you not respectful” “Yarah why aren’t you doing shit in your life” And its annoying because, i’m always helping everybody, whenever someone need something i’m there, and respect is an important thing to me i will always respect everybody, anyone and yes i’m always doing things from right to left i’m always trying to make things better and fuck just no nobody sees they’re always here to judge but won’t even see the things that i do and now i’m just sooo done, why give when you don’t receive, […]
Why am I still alive?! I’ve been drinking antifreeze for the past two weeks! Believe me, enough of it to kill 6 adults. Why am I just falling asleep like it’s nyquil?!!! What the fuck?! I don’t believe in religion, I don’t want to talk about it, and don’t offer me help. I know life is suffering and I’m trying to fucking leave! Why can’t I get out?! I’m just here killing time.
Life is cold, I feel alone, even when surrounded by people, I feel like I’m in a different world than them. That I can’t ever have anyone in my life. I’ve been through a lot, went from being a sexually abused boy, to testifying against my father at age 7, lost my family in the process, and now find myself alone. Albeit now I’m a prosecutor now thinking that asking questions in court rather than being asked them would somehow make life ok. I now find myself weary from constantly seeing people at their worst, and dealing with criminals and trying to find justice. However […]
Yes Creed.
Still alive folks. worried because I’m struggling not to slide into sadness again. I mean things do feel a bit different now that I’m on meds but I’m starting to think abut death a few times a day instead of one or two. And not always as a joke or an escape.
Started going to church again but it’s weird cuz it’s not the denomination i’m used to but there is a lot of singing and hugs so I’m figuring it out. I’m trying to see if being connected with God or the Universe will make this all feel different.
I constantly have to do lists in […]
One day I’ll have to do it. It’s a fact at this point. The pain has gone on for so long and worsens every day. It feels so hollow and nothing fills the void.
I don’t recall what it feels like to really be happy. Only that I once was a long time ago. It’s so exhausting trying to force everything every day. It’s not my fault. I didn’t ask for this.
There’s something tearing away inside me and I can feel it starting to take over after all these years of fighting it.
One day I’ll have to stop it the only way I know how. The […]
I try to sleep but i never can… All I ever do is sit up thinking constantly. I use to smoke bowls and do drugs to help but I’m trying to stay clean. I need to actually. But without drugs all i think about is hurting myself. When it will be my last day how it will all end. Does anyone know anyway to help with this shit? I mean I’m on meds but they don’t work at all. Someone anyone ideas please… I’m tired of wanting drugs and to hurt myself but I have nothing else.
a happy thought as soon as you wake up could potentially change the whole day, wake up and believe it will be a good day. find something about yourself you love, yes this may be hard, but try. there has to be one thing, maybe its you’re strength or perseverance just anything think of something good something that makes waking up rewarding and the day will be so much brighter. it may sound dumb and it may be challenging at first but I promise it helps, just try it. trying never hurt anyone!
depression is like a war, you either win, or die trying.