I just done whit this word its fuck uped for me i hope i can broke my promise im trying because i hate this shit what im doing but a promise is a promise if i be fucked up again then its the end lol
Tag:
trying
I have only four true friends at the moment. Trying to make new friends for me use to be so easy… now not so much.
Anyways, I made a Facebook status, just thanking my four true friends for staying by my side no matter what.
My old ‘best friend’ saw it, seeing I didn’t include her. Note that I didn’t include her because  she never speaks to me, she makes promises she NEVER keeps, and she tries to invite me and our other best friend to her house, only to ditch us last minute.
I got tired of how she treated me, so I just kind of stopped […]
I’ve thought about this off and on for several years… I think about it and plan I now more than ever. In the past, I attempted constantly, and of course failed just as constantly. (I apologize for any mistakes that may occur as I’m stubbornly using a mobile phone in bed). The one method I keep coming back to is overdosing on alcohol rectally (because my body clearly has a tendency to puke up harmful things. Stupid body). I am a tiny individual. 5″3′ and 98 pounds. I do not drink alcohol on a regular basis (or at all really) and therefore don’t have a […]
She knows what’s happening to me. She knows what people are egging me on and trying to get me to do. All she has to say is “Die already”.
I couldn’t say that things are alright.
Because I can’t remember the last time they were.
And the truth is that I have been battling each day,
just trying to hold my head above water.
I don’t want to live like that anymore.
I don’t want to live in state of constant battle with myself.
While I will never expect to see myself happy;
I refuse to continue to be my own worst enemy.
When everyone wants to see me fail,
I have to be the one who is rooting for me.
I have to be the one who proves everyone wrong.
I have lot of experiences( good and bad)
Why my brain only interested in bad experiences I have?
When I am trying to direct thoughts to good experiences it feels like foolish to me
May be this is how depressed peoples “meta brain” works 🙂
This is a sinking ship,
and all around me is water seeping into
my shoes filling it and making me remember
this is only temporary,
that we’re only temporary.
I keep trying to plug this hole in the side
of this boat, but no matter how much glue
I put on it,
it keeps filling up with water.
We don’t have much longer
before we drown,
you may be a skilled swimmer
but we’ll both go down if we don’t
get out now.
-FCS
I just got told that im not trying hard enough.
Which kinda makes me want to you know, not try at all.
Give up completely.
im so lost.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lost and no ones helping me find my way. I’ve fallen out major with the person who saved me, I want to talk to him but he’s deleted me from everything except my number. Seeing him happy without me at school breaks my heart because I’m not happy without him. I miss him so much. Makes it worse when I’ve got to spend a week with him in Poland with my school. It’s going to be so awkward.
I’m even making myself go deaf by how loud my music is when I have my earphones. I like to […]
My best friend since child hood was hit by a bus five years ago while he was roller skating the image is still with me today. He wasn’t just my best friend he also taught me love has no gender, no age, no color and now hes gone. I feel guilty that he died because I was going through a phase that I was just being a shut in and not talking with people I feel like if I just called him earlier that day he would still be with me hopefully that’s what I tell myself and its what I think and what I […]
I cut myself for the first time in a year…I hate on what I did but I had to get the pain out one eay or other…im trying to hide it from my family because my grandparents said if I do it again they are going to make me go to a hospital so I can get help…but here the thing no one can help me only I can help myself because its my doing
The school I go to all the boys do is mess with your heart, they get your hopes up. And in the end turth comes out.
I was talking to a boy he made me feel like he cared, that he wanted to be with me, but in the end he told me he already had a girlfriend, and said that he was sorry for trying to lead me on, and if we come still be friends?
Why do boys hurt us, why cant they feel the same way like we feel for them. Just dont understand anymore.
I’m not suicidal, just incredibly bored with life. I think that I’ve played too many video games, watched too many movies, cartoons throughout my life that I expect grand things out of reality. But as we all know, things are pretty mundane on planet Earth(save for wars and terrorist attacks; those are always good for a laugh).
Things are pretty sucky in my life right now. I’m living with an ex-girlfriend that my ego is still very much attached too. She’s an annoying **** but I enjoyed the sex, and like I said, she really knew how to stroke my ego and make me feel […]
I tried to impress you but I failed that’s my best skill is being a failure. I’ve been depressed for months because of you and there was no point in the end. I’m sorry I gave up love but you made me promise to and I can’t keep going.
(Long post. Sorry.)
Only in the last few months have I felt this way, and it seems to be getting more intense (although manageable). I’m in my second marriage to someone that I love, respect and adore, but that is quickly falling apart. She can’t stand me. This morning she told me that she wants a divorce, and she’s serious. I will give it to her for her sake. Left up to me I’d fight her on it, but she really, really just wants out, and I’m 100% the reason why (her words).
My ex wife always said I was controlling and abusive, and I initially thought […]
Who honestly gets into a fight over a bag of fucking chips? Me and my family do. I have been living back with my family because I have a medical condition and can no longer work. No work equals no money to pay for my old apartment. After finally earning some money for myself from working the odd nights at my friends hall, all I wanted to do was enjoy a bag of chips that i finally bought with my own money. I bought other foods for everyone else and all I wanted was to have this to myself. Stupid isn’t it?
I go to grab […]
Its been a really long time since I posted here. I thought, maybe I was getting better or stronger, but I was kidding myself, pretending to be happy in case the semblance eventually turned into something real. I try to be rational and tell myself I am not worthless, I am not ugly, I am not stupid, and I actually believe myself for a fraction of time. Then I go outside and try to interact with people and am reminded of how I have nothing to offer anyone. What am I missing that makes someone appealing to another human being? How did I get to […]
I’m at the point where I feel like I’m only living so the people I’ve grown so attached to don’t have to deal with my death. Knowing I’d be missed does feel nice because not all people can feel that. But living for everyone but me is taking it’s toll. I’ve been thinking about suicide everyday for a couple months, each day its becomes more desirable. Even though I know I’ll be missed, I still feel alone. I don’t see my future going anywhere. And I’m okay with dying. But pain is what brought me to this point and my death would cause a lot […]
I hate bad weather days… I am absolutely useless on days like today. My whole body is in pain and I can’t focus. I want so much to do things but I can’t…it’s like my hand-brake is on and I am smoking rubber trying to get anywhere. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a corner and cry my self to sleep. Yesterday, on a post challenging all of us to tell the truth of how we feel, I mentioned that I had a arthritis flair…well this is why… I can forecast bad weather days ahead of time.
I wonder sometimes how much my physical […]
I am sort of in a conundrum and I would like advice.
I guess I’ll start at the beginning. I am in a group of friends that are all dating(or at least have someone), and they were trying to set me up with people. They think that me getting a boyfriend would somehow cure my depression. Well I got set up with this guy. He is a lot like me, he is battling depression and is super awkward.
But I don’t know honestly. I don’t know if I am pretending to like him just for my friends sake, or maybe I’m just overthinking everything. But […]