When to Say When?
I been thinking……. when is there ever a time in a person’s life that they should say fuck it & give up on life & end it?
Is there ever a time to say: I’ve tried but it’s now time to stop feeling lonely, being rejected, stop taking one steps forward and two step back in everything in life and just pull the trigger.
I think I’m just not built for life ups & downs. Seriously
Let me start by saying I’ve always had strong thoughts about ending my life I never thought i was good at anything especially life. Around middle school I started to realize how much I liked girls(I’m a female). I live in a everybody knows everybody town and for obvious reason kept it to myself. 7th grade was my first attempt but a sibling walked in and I was rushed to the hospital. Okay fast foward about high school I still had that idk why I’m here feeling but then I met sky she was stayed in California and me Texas we talked for hours […]
I’ve tried turning my life round, but yet again I’ve failed. I keep trying to better myself but everything ends up being a false dawn of hope or another fuck up to add to the ever extending list. I’ve always been a bit melancholy but I love having a laugh. I want to be in love again but I can’t open up. People say that I sometimes come across as cocky or supremely confident, yet I’m actually shy and unsure of myself. I’m one huge contradiction. I can easily identify with those who say they wear a mask in front of others and hide what […]
Too Broken
Too broken to be in this world again
A doll smashed into a million pieces of porcelain
They knew me before
They see glimpses today
They think I’m back
But I’m too broken
I’ve become one with death
Held his hand
Dreamt of his embrace
Blazing out all the pain
He let me close my eyes
To it forevermore
He let me Know it’s okay
I’m too broken now
I’ve felt death’s kiss
Tasted eternity on his lips
How can I come back now
To this world
When my broken heart wants rest?
Light shines in my window today
I can see it for the first time in weeks
Scabs curve over my open wounds
They threaten to heal my flesh
Music and voices and faces I […]
i let everyone down everyday. i feel like i always say i live only to keep the people around me happy but everyone says i have to do things for myself. ive gotten caught up in drugs and i feel like a complete failure. everyone says i need to quit for myself but i dont know how. they wont let me quit unless it is just for me. i got into a fight with my parents the other night and i broke down then came to my other house to get away. i cant help but feel guilty for the pain i put people through […]
You know, I’m married to a wonderful man.
But all good people have a limit too. They will shut down also if they are constantly bombarded with negativity, bad bosses, bad coworkers, shitty clients, shitty company policy, problems in the home, depressed & suicidal wife….
I think him and my kids are the only reason I haven’t done anything. That and how outsiders will view them if I did anything to bring them down. They can not experience what I have in my past. Not them. Please not them.
But when I’m alone, I want it all to end.
I’m tired of being sick. Physically and mentally tired of being sick. Some […]
Well, There was a boy and a girl, they’ve met once before about 6 years ago now, I believe, anyway they had lost contacted until last year when their friends had  told them about each other. Now, they started talking , and talking they both knew what they have been through and they both knew how they felt, if one was not happy the other one wasn’t well it toke a few months until they started dating, but when they dated, man were they cute, they did have there ups and downs but they go through it, until he had to move, his dad had died and his grandparents so he had to move somewhere far, they didn’t see each […]
All the ups and downs I keep going through is exhausting…
I am heading that direction again because I just want it all to be done and over with.
Do I really have to live like this for the rest of my life?
I HATE THIS LIFE!!!!!
staying positive is getting harder and harder.
I am not normal anymore, I am half a person and people will look at me like I am half a person.
I’m tired. Really tired.
How many years has it been… how many more years will it be?
You all have no idea what you have until you loose it!
I have to live with this. There will be […]
I feel ready to just give up, call it quits, throw in the towel.
I just cant seem to find any sort of purpose to this struggle,
Day in day out, it never ends.
It gets harder and harder to get out of bed every morning,
just the effort of standing exhausts me,
this isn’t living free.
I’m fed up with letting everyone down,
they give me compliments, praise me, say theyre proud,
but they can do better than me.
Deserve better.
Driving home tonight i just wanted to hit a semi or the nearest building.
Just to end it all, get rid of the pain, the memories and the fuck ups.
So everyone could just move […]
So, been down for a while. Then got an up phase. Felt great. Almost normal, until I tried using a knife and fork, and started thinking about work. The up phase lasted for almost 6 hours, but then came crashing down again.
If I take the meds, then I might not get the downs so bad, but as I understand it I won’t get the ups either. The worst thing is thinking “I’m coming out of this” and then falling again. So maybe taking the meds wouldn’t be so bad?
Therapy would be the answer, but as I am still waiting for my assessment I really don’t […]
I don’t want to come back. Chat room is mentally destroying me.. And I don’t even come here much anymore. The Suicide Project is dying out.. And me? Well, I was just one of the many members. If you have taken the time to read this, Thank you. You are probably one of the very few left trying to keep the Suicide Project torch burning. Good luck… People need this place.
But me? Well, People always say.. There is no such thing as a happy ending. I guess this is the end of my story.. :'( It’s been Interesting though, I guess. Met some amazing people..
Orangish, For one. […]
What’s the best way to have someone find you? Opinions?
I’ve thought about mail, emails, giving heads ups are more questionable…
I wouldn’t want to start decomposing where I lay. But I wouldn’t want someone to stop me either.
Fed up with crying wolf, and even worse, I don’t even know if people would take me seriously if I said I was going to kill myself.
Because every time I’m at that brink, that dread is immediate, real. Pulses through my blood, my bones.
Yet, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to laugh at my own pathetic attempts.
Oh my lovely alcohol, oh how you do please me
Fill my heart with sadness, and electrifying glee.
A sweet yet bitter liquid, that seeps into my veins
You dull my mind, you free my spirit, and take away the chains.
Sloshing in your frigid flask, you ask and tease for more
With jest and greed I indulge thee, and pass out on the floor.
No memory of prior things, convulsing laughs and tears
Ups and downs, a roller-coaster, yearning for more beer.
Dancing jigs to country music, strange and quite erratic
Thank god nobody’s watching, it must be quite traumatic.
Spread out on the cold concrete, bottle in one […]
i’ve just come out of a relationship, and before you all start, that isn’t the reason i’m feeling the way i am. i can deal with not being close to somebody, its the fact that when something goes wrong in my life, i have nobody i can talk to about it? if i tell my mum she just gets the whole family involved, and i don’t want that. all of my friends seem to have turned against me these past few days, and i know break-ups are hard, and it isn’t the end of the whole, but this is so difficult and i can’t express […]
Hello, my name is Shawna and I’m new here, I just found this website today while looking for some sort of support group. I’ve had been dealing with the effects of depression for around 4 years now, almost 5. Somehow I’ve fought through it that long, but not without having extreme ups and downs, mostly downs. It’s been so long and I’m feeling so tired. I’m a recovering self-harmer, been clean for about 4 months. But I’m having a really really hard time with the urges. I’ve been feeling so sad the past few days, so so sad and angry and just sick and tired […]
Life…
This four letter word that we are still wondering, debating, and living each day. As easy it was given, it can be extinguished. Life is always compared to some sort of object, for example, something as simple as a box of chocolates ‘you never know what you’re going to get’. Or even something as exhilarating as a roller coaster, it has its ‘ups and downs’. i believe that the reason why we come up with such simple analogies is because nearly everyone has experienced something as simplistic as that. But what about something more complex?
For instance, a car crashing and burning. One moment, you’re sailing […]
So i find myself in my own hole again, im 21 years old and i’ve suffered from depression all my life as well as other disorders. i first started feeling depressed when i was a young child. The first thoughts of suicide that i can remember was when i was 8 and from that point i’ve been on and off many medications. I’ve had the ups and the downs and now i feel like im stuck in the down and i can’t get out. i spent a month in a psych ward in December and was released in January. i was homeless when i was […]
I can’t seem to get myself to do the simplest things. I am wading through life fighting against this current that tells me it would be better if I just left this plane and stop wasting resources. I feel ashamed constantly and I can’t shake off this feeling that the future is hopeless. I am disoriented. I want to get better, I’ve done therapy, meds, drugs, and yet this heaviness, this emptiness still lingers. Even with some of the ups I’ve had this monster of a feeling is ready and waiting to take me back into the darkness.
I’m stuck between wanting to break free and […]
I don’t know why I have felt bad all this time. I don’t even know why I’m currently feeling so down. Looking at my life, you would say that it’s a really good life. Yeah I do have my ups and downs, but I come from a rich family, I have straight A’s in school, I have tons of friends, I’m usually always in a relationship, whether serious or not, I’m an outgoing, friendly person, I get invited to parties, and I’m really athletic. I play basketball, tennis, soccer, and swimming weekly and If I’m not exercising, I’m hanging out with my friends. So why […]
I’ve put a lot of effort into doing right by the people I’m close to. I have been far from perfect in those efforts. Mostly I’ve failed entirely. I guess the thing is, though, that I’ve tried to mend every mistake I’ve made. I’ve apologized, acknowledged my screw-ups and done my best to avoid future incidents.
In times when I haven’t been the one to screw up, I’ve been too forgiving of people. People who have decided that I am the kind of person who can toyed with, walked all over, and left to wait endlessly for fulfillment. People always let you down. That’s what I’ve […]
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