i’ve had so many troubles throghout my life. loved ones dying, friendship brake ups, cheating, agressions, sexual harsments, lies, broken promises. yeah it may seem like they are little reasons but they sure were powerful enough to weaken me little by little. though i haven’t lost it all. i still have faith, hope, & love. even if i have hate, grudges, and disappointments as well. & even if i want to die, i still have hope to have desire to live. i have my lovely family that truthfully love me, few friends that love me and appriciate me. i have that idea to live for […]
Tag:
Ups
Hey, so I guess the title says it all. I am fucked up. And I’m only 11. I started noticing that I was anorexic when I was 8, I didn’t like eating. I never knew why, and I’m still suffering anorexia… this month has been one of the worst. First of I lost and amount of weight (im underweight), so then I can’t see my only true love, and he hasn’t texted nor call for about a week now. I don’t only suffer anorexia, but cutting, suicidal, and they say I have mental health problems as well. My cutting started in 4th grade, when my […]
I turned 21 earlier this mont. Even though im mucch like a child, I feel so jaded and far from my memories. This is my last real birthday worth celebrating. All down hill from here. For about 6 months i’ve been making some feeble attempts at planning a future. I cant bring myself to actively work towards it. I dont want to work or study the rest of my days away. I dont care to date, or try to keep up with the jones. Im bitter. Im lonely aznd i’ve learned that life is nothing but a series of ups and downs. Most people […]
“What hurts when I remember this song is remembering how someone you love doesn’t love you back, aond you feel like it’s the end of the world. Little did I know that when the sun rises, a whole new beginning was looking at me, waiting for me. That beginning will always remembers you and returns when the sun sets. And when the going gets rough, the sun will be there for you until it sets. So in short words there is no end. Just a new beginning. ”
I feel like I haven’t written anything on here in awhile. Anyways, I’ve realized that sometimes life has […]
I have survived abuse, car accidents, living in gang riddin, drug-dealing neighborhood as a child, being married to a cop and having him take my kids and do weird/mind fuck type things to get back at me for leaving him, jail, drug addiction, homelesness, being outcasted from any blood family I new of (I didn’t grow up knowing family really). IDK I’ve been through a hell of alot and all I hear from people that I am strong and what am I gonna do with my life. “I have soo much potential” I’m told.
I’m sick of being here. I am sick of the […]
Even though the history books are not 100% correct one can still glean from them the idea that many past societies had little or no conveniences. Things we accept as normal like running water, plentiful food, protection of children from slavery/chil labor, decent medical care, decent housing and transport.Â
Some places still lack some of those things above. And some of us in better living situations would lament the loss of such things.Â
Add in the various pain and persecution outside of these things and you have one tough enchilada.
Objectively speaking in many cases life would technically be less preferable than death for some people. This is […]
Where to begin is hard. Then again nothi ge come easy. I’m getting older and more mature obviously but to me, I think others see me as a child. I dont honestly think I’m suicidal. I couldn’t be. The outside looking in my life is complacently perfect. I would be viewed lucky by most. Friends, a loving girlfriend, well liked, two parents, grandparents, a job and not a lot but a reasonable amount of money. In reality though- my best friend is leaving me for a group off cocky self obsorbed pricks; we were close, always different but he was indeed my best friend. My […]
Dear person reading this,
Hold on.
PLEASE hold on.
Life is a ride, ups and downs is what make life fun.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Sincerely, someone who cares.
Where to begin is hard. Then again nothi ge come easy. I’m getting older and more mature obviously but to me, I think others see me as a child. I dont honestly think I’m suicidal. I couldn’t be. The outside looking in my life is complacently perfect. I would be viewed lucky by most. Friends, a loving girlfriend, well liked, two parents, grandparents, a job and not a lot but a reasonable amount of money. In reality though- my best friend is leaving me for a group off cocky self obsorbed pricks; we were close, always different but he was indeed my best friend. My […]
So I’ve thought a lot about why my incessant mind always draws me back to ending it.  I’ve been down that thought pattern too many times to know that it accomplishes nothing.  Every time I get to the breaking point, I can’t help but consider my family and those who know me.  They hold my hand back simply by knowing I exist.  I never decide to stay here for myself, but selfishness is so tempting.  To imagine an eternal sleep that never involves the harsh ups and downs that life causes.  That’s why I really do love the “to be or not to be” soliloquy from Hamlet.
I don’t suffer […]
That’s it. I said I’d wait a month before I made a decision, and I did just that. But now the time has come and the decision has been made. No more strings attached. No more saying goodbye and no more lies.
I have the date and, my method is a sure fire. I can’t afford to screw it up this time around. Besides I doubt I’ll get another chance like this…i hope the people around me who actually gave a damn can forgive me one day, but i figure that I’m doing them more of a favor this way then by sticking around. I’m not […]
I really don’t where else to write my shit so I’ll write it here.. fuck I just spent the last 10 minutes looking through facebook and my friends’ profiles and shit.. with their proper nice social lives! well my story is I was on medication for 7 years then I came off it.. been 6 months.. in that time my social life kinda collapsed (not entirely somehow coming off meds ups ur hormones.. so u know that department was all good 😉 not to brag really but yeah it was good shit..)
but anyways.. when ur all spaced out.. and weird.. it’s a lot harder to […]
Trying..to be happy for the sake of my friends. I know I burden them and all of you with my constant sadness. I try..and sometimes when I type the faces, they arent real. Theyre cover ups. I’m crying right now…i started crying inadvertantly. Not sobbing or moaning..just crying. Tears stream down my cheeks and plop onto my keyboard..because of the pain i feel inside..so much pain that its starting to bleed through to the outside…it hurts. This isnt just any breakup..this is THE breakup..the breakup that will break me..is breaking me. And the fact that im sitting here crying silently with tears tumbling out of […]
Well I have tried killing myself. I’ve slit my wrists, arms, legs, stomach, fingertips. I don’t want an identity. I have burned off my fingerprints but they grew back, no matter how many times I burned them off.
I don’t consider myself human.
I’m an alien.
I’m a redhead that lives in a small town full of Mexicans. I don’t hate them, I love my friends. But I’m an alien. I’m from mars and other people like me (gingers) are the reason why mars is red. I had to learn to make fun of myself at a very young age in order to live in this hellhole-of-a-town.
I’ve held a […]
sometimes you ask yourself why?? we do these stupid things when in the end we die.. but were all still alive as we walking down the road to the pathway of life.. and even tho we try.. its never easy … sometimes we get lazy ..its hard to stay busy ..we smoke a little weed and we get a little tipsy.. but its fine we need some fun times.. sometimes its good to do a few lines… but don’t be stupid and keep your mind …. you’ll need it.. this life is hard .. but if you believe you know you’ll go far … and […]
I have attempted suicide twice. Once by hanging and once by pills and alcohol.
Both times I saw it as the only way to end the pain of being alive, of living my life, with my thoughts and my ideas of my future.
And both times I was radically incorrect about how my life would turn out. As I write this I am only now aware of that. I was so totally wrong about how things would play out for me, of all the joys and experiences I would have, of the love I would feel, of the ups that would somehow manifest themselves. If I had […]
Today had been a rather uneventful day. It was long, boring and full of drama only known to those who remain in schooling. Started off ok, but the abysmal ending left me in tears. It started off with my friends and I going to the plaza to find some thing to eat and just look around. At six or so, a group of guys we didn’t know started to flirt with me and my friends. They asked us to go out with them. We had said no and walked away. We bumped into them later and found ourselves getting followed around the place. We tried […]
… and the end game is near. It’s like walking into a cave and it keeps getting darker and narrower. I started coming to this conclusion close to a year ago. Like so many others, I had a decent and comfortable life that was turned upside down by the global economic meltdown. I’ve met adversity before and it does not scare me – I’m kind of a “roll with the punches” kind of guy.
A little background for you all – I’ve been married and divorced 3 times – 2 kids – a girl and a boy, each with a different mother. The girl is an […]
So who all on here self-harms? I’m just curious because I do and have been for about 6 years now. I’ve been trying to stop but I’ve been having a hard time with it. My progress has been great though. I just keep having little slip ups and do it about once every month now. Has anyone ever completely stopped self-harming? And how did you do it? Was it difficult to stop? I just want to hear from somebody who has gone or is going through the same thing I’m going through. None of my friends had a hard time quitting and I’m the only […]
I feel so tired that I wish I could just go to sleep one last time and never wake up again, that would be soo nice right now. And it’s not just a tiredness caused by too many late nights, trust me, it goes much deeper than that. Basically I’ve grown so world weary that I’m tired of life itself and now quite at my wits end for the incessant doubts, fears and anger have really taken their toll on me. Sometimes I think this is all just a bad nightmare and one day I’m going to wake up and everything will be fine, but I […]