Fucked up…

Hey, so I guess the title says it all. I am fucked up. And I’m only 11. I started noticing that I was anorexic when I was 8, I didn’t like eating. I never knew why, and I’m still suffering anorexia… this month has been one of the worst. First of I lost and amount of weight (im underweight), so then I can’t see my only true love, and he hasn’t texted nor call for about a week now. I don’t only suffer anorexia, but cutting, suicidal, and they say I have mental health problems as well. My cutting started in 4th grade, when my dad was having a drinking problem and still has. I was worried all the time… pluse I had a ton of pressure and I still do. But why? Why the fuck ME? I still cut everyday but this time even deeper. Idk why I do it, it just makes me feel better and I like it. I can’t stop cutting sometimes I do it because I feel guilty, my mom left me when I was only 2 yr old and I haven’t seen her. It’s all coming to get me. I’m trapped and I can’t escape. This month my father tried to commit suicide on my brother birthday. I was so hard for me, I was there the whole fucking time. That night I toke pills and cut. Not just little cuts… but huge ones all over my body. I went to sleep. But unfortunately I woke the next day :'(. I have suicidal thoughts every second of an minute and every minute of an hour. I can’t help it but to put my mask on. The one with the fake me, the one with the fake smile on it’s face. And that’s everyday. I’m just fucked up!! I want to die, I want to go to sleep, I want to disappear in my families memories. On the photos on their hearts. I want to die. I’m dying everyday… I don’t eat anything thanks to the other girl inside of me. Yelling and telling me that if I eat I will have to throw it up and do 200 sit ups. I’m afraid. Someone pleas help. I’m dying… I this may be the last of me. You may never hear about me from now on. But I don’t want to. Just help me……