I turned 21 earlier this mont. Even though im mucch like a child, I feel so jaded and far from my memories. This is my last real birthday worth celebrating. All down hill from here. For about 6 months i’ve been making some feeble attempts at planning a future. I cant bring myself to actively work towards it. I dont want to work or study the rest of my days away. I dont care to date, or try to keep up with the jones. Im bitter. Im lonely aznd i’ve learned that life is nothing but a series of ups and downs. Most people spend their time avoiding or trying to get out of the downs. I dont understand why more people dont feel the way I do. I spend my days chasing temporary highs. Atleast im not fooled into believing that any highcan last . Im ready to be done. Im falling apart but I never really had a foundation any how.
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Sorry for the typos and bad grammar. I wrote this from my phone.
I feel the same as you do Lex. I know every angle and still don’t find a real reason to be alive here.
Not getting all god on you…. I pray every morning. I always end with Lord, I am just so tired. I am 45 this year. If I could go back and be your age again there are soooooo many things I would do different. When I was your age, my friends were so important. I put them ahead of all else. But they weren’t my friends. Found out the hard way. I wish i had spent all that time and energy on me instead. How different my life would be now. Yes, life is ups and downs. That is all it is. But…. It’s also about you and who you are. Put yourself first always! That’s not selfish. What’s it all for? I can’t answer that for you. Each of us has our own path. For me.. Its my grandson.