I don’t know why I feel this way. I use to be a mellow, laid back person. I worked hard, but only if the benefits outweighed the costs. I graduated high school, got into a university. I did everything I was told to do and everything that was expected of me. My whole purpose had been drilled into me to get to college. Never anything else. Now I have a job and attend classes. No one even looks this way now. As long as I continue to work and take classes I am ignored. Until they want something of course. My father, does not even […]
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Valentine S Day
Stumbled across this site as I was feeling down about Valentine’s Day yesterday. I hate the day. I’m a bit of a nerd and geek and still single. All my life I seemed to make stupid mistakes and never seemed good enough.
I’ve gone as far as tie ropes around my neck, write suicide notes, and pack my stuff to make it easier for those left behind to clean my mess.
I still struggle with suicidal thoughts but not as bad as when I was younger. I’m 45yo now.
What has helped me is to focus on others. Volunteering at church, making friends […]
I know that Trevor isn’t worth it. But he is.. I know something about him. Something that hardly anyone else knows. He has problems at home.. And it makes me so furious at his parents for treating him like they do. See, the thing is, I don’t think he said all that shit that Emily said he did. He’s been staring at me all day, then turning away, blushing. I put my hands on my hips once when he looked at me, though… I don’t care if he’s mad at me, though. He can deal with it. And if he did say all that stuff, […]
Every damn year I have to endure this. It will be my 27th Valentine’s Day alone in 2 days… I don’t even know why I let myself get to this point when there is obviously zero hope and I never had any chance. I should have been preemptive and thrown myself off a bridge 5 years ago and then I would have saved myself from about 1825 days of emptiness and agony. I have been alone every single miserable day of my life. Telling myself that this is just another hallmark holiday doesn’t really work anymore, every year it is a brutal reminder of all my […]
I got news that i’m going in for surgery thursday (a.k.a. valentine’s day) they say i’ll have 1-5 days of recovery then onto chemo therapy, please please please pray for me, i’m really scared.
I was thinkin in a way to start telling you the way I feel everyday.But now, right now, I don’t feel good. And I have to explain that because if I don’t say anything it will be worst.
Three years ago, I knew a girl. She is a writer, I love how she write. One year ago, I talk to her for first time. I told her that I liked her. She doesn’t knew me, and I don’t knew her, but it was the truth. Months passed, and we keep talking. I got along with her. Over time, we know each other. I fell in love […]
My background:
I had started wondering about death and would habitually wish for death and say ‘never mind’ 3 times afterward. This started when I was around 10, until one day I stopped saying ‘never mind’ and decided to see what would happen.
My life has been met with intense anger, anger that caused me to once whip my mother with a PC controller wire after I smashed it off the banister when I was around 16.
I started cutting myself on Valentine’s Day 2007, senior year. I started under the notion that everyone would leave me once we graduated. They all did except one. My last friend […]