I’ve battled with depression over several years; I’ve tried different meds to help out, but with varying success. They can keep me up to a certain level, but once life hits, there’s no staying afloat.
There’s been so much turmoil in my life; business going bust, marriage on the verge of breaking, custody and visitation battles, verbal fights with stepkids, friends leaving me, money running out, vehicles break beyond repair or being stolen, workplace f**ked up..
I’m at the point where I just don’t see what my purpose of being here is – people and situations just constantly push back or throw spanners in the […]
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My best friend told me he didn’t want to speak to me anymore and that we should just move on, he’s ignoring me now. He was one of the reasons why I no longer self-harmed and I’m on the verge of a panic attack. Great
I really don’t know how to cope right now.
I’m going to have to get a medical withdrawal from my calculus class because I can’t pass it. Â Making this summer a waste, and leaving me with nothing to do until August when the fall semester starts. Â I feel like the new medication I’m on is making me anxious and easily tearful- once I start crying, it’s so hard to stop. Â I feel like I’m almost always on the verge of tears. Â Smoking weed has been the only thing that has ever helped, even in the slightest, but since I’m trying to get a job, I can’t […]
Ten years ago
We were both fifteen. Teenagers. Too old to be called children, and barely old enough to be called teens. Too old to be taken care of, but too young to get many freedoms. Lost, reckless and confused, much like the majority of our age group. Except for one tiny difference: we were being held in a school for emotionally unstable teens.
Neither of us thought there was anything wrong with ourselves, but apparently the rest of the world disagreed. We were both there for the same reason, which was cutting and repeated suicide attempts. Nothing some special school could fix; just a bit of […]
So I had standardized testing on computers today, and my teacher gave an instruction he was unclear about, and I did the wrong thing, and he fucking screamed at me right in front of everyone. I made it to my quiet corner of the band room before I started crying (it was lunch after the tests). So I spent half an hour sitting behind the brass kettle drums, trying not to cry and slicing at my wrist with scissors, because I didn’t want to bleed everywhere.
When people yell at me, especially with an audience, it reminds me of my dad, who has abused my mom […]
I wrote2 posts, but the hatred and depression and stuff keep coming back.
written by RogueShadow1281
It’s been a few hours after my last post. I am tired of this shit. I’m tired of living, I hate life. No point in having one. God is a false deity. The idea that God is Satan is very thorough, but I still don’t believe in a god. Or else he’s past insane. He keeps repeating human’s course over billions and billions of people and never is there a right person. Everyone is evil. I wonder what was Jesus’ motives. He was probably filling his ego. Maybe he was brainwashed.Â
I hope to join the army in 1 1/2 years. That’s too far away, though. […]
It has stopped.  The agonizing cries have ceased.  No longer will I see shadows chasing my footsteps.  I have materialized once again to bathe myself in a world of love.  I see smiles and happiness all around me.  I am beyond thrilled to feel a touch or witness a smile guided in my direction.  I am a victim no more.  The sun shines on my face.  I moisten my lips and wait for it’s beauty to bestow it’s essence upon me.
Yet, Â I cannot feel it’s grace. Â It does not come. Â The faces start to blur and laughter no longer blesses my ears with it’s sound.
The dullness […]
I feel more and more exhausted every single day. It’s not a physical exhaustion…more of a mental and emotional exhaustion. My mind is constantly running. Running running running. I can’t ever get it to shut up. Unless I’m high. I’d love to just start cutting again, but I really don’t want to add anymore scars to my little collection. I already get looked at like I’m some sort of fucking parasite if I dare wear a tank top.
I really am on the verge of losing it. I don’t want to make my parents upset…after the last death, I couldn’t ever put my parents through that. […]
This only applies to my own perception and not to anyone else’s. Do not want to be accused of trying to play the should game.
Seems everything is built around taking suffering and moving on. And those who choose not to are referred to as weak. I disagree. Sometimes people just get tired of the pain and the pleasure that does come is not enough.
No positive thinking or positive action will save one from all malevolence, and as ridiculous as that may sound to many people, I’d prefer a life free from any trouble.
Most trouble has no point and the ones that teach lessons are only […]
I’m so sorry that i seem sad all the time.
i’m sorry that all i do is complain
I’m sorry that i can’t hold normal conversations anymore.
i’m sorry i never make an effort.
i’m sorry that i’m on the verge of tears constantly.
i just, i think i’ve forgotten how to be happy, but i, i’m so sorry.
I’ve lost so many friends because of this and i regret it ;c
I’ve read quite a few stories on here and found it helpful to put my own issues into perspective. It hurts to read how many people are suffering. I wish there was something I could do to help…but I can barely help myself. Every setback or failure makes me feel like I’m ready to let go…and every success or good thing makes me feel undeserving and on the verge of failure. It’s so difficult to see that things do get better. Especially when you’ve been alone for such a very long time and you know you’re not typical or normal or not sure you’re worth […]
I hate school like i can honestly say i do except for my math teacher she is amazing. I havent been going and my mom gets pissed at me for not going but she doesnt understand that i feel like one of the “out crowd” kids cause i am over weight and ive never actually got called fat well i have but its like in one of those “funny” ways well they think its funny and i just put a smile on my face and act like its nothing but it hurts really bad. Ive told my mom but she thinks its all bull […]
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