hi, i am 20 years old and i’m currently studying overseas from my country. the first time i wanted to kill myself was when i was in the 4th grade (8 years old). and since then, every time i got a problem, i always thinking of suicide. i used to cut my wrist and taking sleeping pills when i was in junior high school. i have lots of problems with my family, school, and sometimes boyfriend. i just moved here 3 months ago and every night before i go to bed i always pray and ask to God what am i doing here, in this […]
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Vomit
so more came out. along with the paying whores for the last seven years he had multipul e mail accounts and was sending messages back and forth with people was on tons of sex sites chat sites dating sites getting naked pics from people jerking off to anything anyone any fucking whale or old lady who sent him shit. pretending he was this black guy with a HUGE ungodly moster penis. OMG.. unreal… my life seems so unreal.. like a awful fucking joke.. and I know he has a addiction problem and he is gonna get help but then there is other shit …apparently my […]
The condition of one of my rooms is absolutely, horribly disgusting. There’s spilled soda soaked into the carpets, crumbs all over the floor, dirty laundry, and probably something like 30+ bottles of empty diet soda.
I guess the reason I am posting this is that I am ready to die but too depressed to go through the preparations. I am thinking about hiring someone to clean out my car, pack up my belongings, etc. because I want to have a rational, planned out suicide and will never make an impulsive decision to do so. But unfortunately, I am too tired to go  through with the cleaning and […]
I won’t share my personal drama, since I’m sure most of you have enough with your own shit and I find it pointless to vomit a self-indulgent wall of text which screams “my life is shittier than yours”. I simply want to share this suicide-related issue and see if any of you are going through similar stuff and how you’ve dealt with it. Please refrain from posting “at least you have friends”-style crap.
I’ve already planned my suicide, even saved money for all the stuff that is required when someone dies (funeral and that stuff), and I’m always writting suicide notes telling everyone that this is […]
My back hurts. My head hurts. I feel like I might vomit. My life feels so boring no matter what my shrink says. I wish I was in 19someting movie. My scalp iches. I wish I was so nieve and care-less. Maybe I’m just very pessimistic. Where’s my gold ticket, and the green haired migits?
Where’s Cindy Lauper singing about my friends and having a adventure?
Where’s my duckie and my rich kid crush? And where is the alian I found in my back yard?
Where is the romance and the other friends I met in books? I don’t think I’m sad,mad..not even numb […]
Empty, transparent, and alone I strung a wire up to the main support beam in my attic. Â The other end of the extension chord was fitted with a slip knot, which I slid up the fastened end of the wire making just enough room to slide my head through. Â I tightened the wire around my neck and fitted it carefully not to close the air passage. Â I jumped. I didn’t even write a note.
There were moments where I wasn’t aware of my existence.  All I could see was a black foreground with slowly morphing red shapes strung together in a kaleidoscopic nature. This intense vision was coupled […]
Does anyone else feel pathetic posting here? I do, every time I do.
Well, I’m past due. Way past my date of expiry. I have it set up that if I don’t reply to a text by the end of the day, the cops are going to come busting through my door. And the cops have done that already twice this year, it’d be too embarrassing if I were alive to greet them. Last time they came by, I had three of them stomping around in my room, snooping, while I stared at the traces of vomit that had dried up on the hardwood floor, hoping […]
I woke up with a masive head
I woke up with vomit around me
I looked up and saw my mom giving me a mop
I cleaned my mess
Last Night I took a whole bottle of advil with some ibeprofen
Last Year I started to be “different”
Friday Septemember 28 I found out that i was eligbue to be in a school for talented “Special” Kids
Yesterday I found out i can pay to be in that school
Today I wish I took more pills
I hate being 12 years old
i’m always self-conscious about my weight.
i’m convinced people don’t like me because i’m ugly inside and out. thats why i have no friends. i always say that ” if i was skinny and pretty, everyone would like me.” i think that i might try throwing up my food, after I eat it. Â I would do it more often, but i hate the feeling of vomit. Why can’t I just be skinny, and pretty?
i have been cutting myself for the past 6 yrs, as well as making myself vomit. i have been doing this since i was 9 yrs old. im adopted, and i hate the family that i am in now. my parents never let me do what i want and my dad offten touches me in ways that i do not like. i have been phsically bullied and only recently moved on, people at school make fun of me and call me an emo and anorexic. i feel like everyhting is pointless and theirs no reason to keep going. the only things im good at […]
I don’t know. I don’t know why I do anything. I hardly ever eat, when I do it’s not because I’m hungry. I’m bored, I’m angry, I’m sick. I feel like I’m going to be sick, but I just keep eating this shitty angel delight. It tastes like fucking vomit. But maybe that’s because the smell of vomit is lingering in the air. Yeah, I vomited on the floor yesterday, I don’t know what fucking happened. I didn’t even clean it up for an hour. I just let it sit there whilst I listening to Joy Division. Some of it is still there.
I’m a […]
I tried to become a better person. To stop the things that make me hate myself so much.
I talked about this before but it’s starting to become a big problem again.
Thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I’m so disgusted with myself and the situation.
I just made it to partner 32, yay for the whore!
I was doing so well, three months. No sex. I was so proud of myself. But then they came back. And because I’ve been avoiding instead of dealing with the problem directly I crumbled.
I did say no, I did move his hand when he tried to touch me. I tried […]
I only just found this site, which is pretty weird seen as I have been searching and studying suicide methods for 3 years.
Just briefly: I have known that I would take my own life for about ten years (I’m 37), and for 3 years I knew that the time was near and I started to study methods. the past year has been detailed planning.
Since I was 15 I have taken many overdoses, some of them massive (280 paracetamol, 80 sleeping pills and alcohol). Each and every time I have survived, obviously. But I warn you now, recovery is horrible, absolutely horrible, I can’t stress that […]