So why continue the relationship? From one day to the next. Thank you for beautiful relationship, goodbye. WTF? How am I supposed to react to that? How am I supposed to breath after that? I’ve tried calling lots of therapist today in hopes of seeing someone, all of them say leave a message and they will get back to me. Thanks for nothing. I feel like I’m never going to be okay. I’m never going to get back to me. Whatever small shell of that I had in the first place. I thought I had finally gotten it right and then bam the wind is […]
want
I’m not entirely sure I want to kill myself, or I just truly want to start living.
Suicidal: deeply unhappy or depressed and likely to commit suicide. Is that the way I feel? Yes
Do I think about it every day? Yes
Do I dream about it? Yes
Do I want to do it? Yes
Yet I still think there should be a different word. I think about it all the time, jumping in front of cars, off trains, suicide by cop, slitting my wrist, taking pills again, but something isn’t right. I can’t get it right. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Is that still suicidal? I don’t want to die, I just want to not live.
OK so I’m 16 years old and I am really close with a teacher at my school. She’s keeping a secret from everyone else that I do drugs (Pain killers) and she’s trying to help me bring up my grades by DRAGGING me to tutorials. And talking to me about why I feel so empty. But she is trying to get me to stop taking drugs and cutting myself, and I cant. She shows me how much she loves and cares about me, and I love it. But I’m hurting her by continuing to do the bad things that I do. So I just decided to […]
I was told today that my parents want to take me out for lunch sometime next week.
Well, less of they want me to, more of I have to go with them.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less. I hate leaving the house now. Scratch that, I hate leaving my bedroom. It’s pathetic.
Well, if all goes to plan, they won’t be able to take me out, except in some weird Weekend at Bernie’s style escapade.
And of course I’ve added all of this to the cumulative message I will send him. I feel like he needs […]
Sometimes I’m thinking of catching the train, in a peaceful and pain-free manner of course, just to know what’s after this life. Just to know if I’ll become a ghost that materializes out of thin air, able to see my own coffin and able to see who will visit me. I just want to know who’ll cry, who really cares.
i dont know what to do any more… i want to give up so badly…
Have you ever just felt unappreciated? You go above and beyond for everyone and some way some how you’re always lacking something. Nothing you do is good enough, who you are isn’t good enough. It gets lonely at that point and all you want is someone who sees how rare you really are and appreciates it and holds on to you as long as they can because they know for a fact another like you won’t come along.
You begin to feel stuck and don’t know what else to do with yourself. It weighs in heavier and heavier, the depression, the sadness, the emptiness, and […]
I miss him and his birthday is near and so it’s mine.
Should I call him? Just to tell him that I miss him so…
Should I ?
I loved him. And there’s feelings remaining. But it’s been a while, I don’t want to give the first step after a while and then leave him with the feeling of talking to me just cause my birthday is a day after his. So, I don’t.
I do it for the joy
it brings
because i”m a joy
full girl
because the world owes me
nothing
and we owe each other
the world
i do it because it”s the least i
can do
i do it cause i learned it
from you
i do it just because i
want to, because i want to
everything i do
is judged
they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
the bathroom mirror has
not budged
and the woman who lives there
can tell
the truth from the stuff they say
she looks me in
the eye
“would u prefer the easy way?
no, well ok then………………………………..dont cry”
I was getting better, but I can feel myself slipping again. I feel worthless. I don’t want to feel like this anymore
tust thinking… Yesterday I had a big conversation with two friends about all what’s going on in my life. It really felt so comforting to talk honestly about my feelings. And I thought about coming out to them, but I just couldn’t.
They’re two of my newest friends. In fact, I still find hard to call them friends, not because of how I feel to them, but because I think they may not see me as one. But they act like really good friends, so maybe I should just stop over thinking things.
It should be easy. They’re open-minded people, I’m too. My old friends know it. […]
I don’t know what to do with my life. My life is so monotone. I go to university everyday, I don’t even know what would I do with all stuff I learn in university. I go to university everyday, I attend the class then go home straight away. I go to university everyday, but I don’t have any friend. I go to university everyday, but I don’t know what will I do after I graduate.
I love looking above the sky, seeing the clouds moving and changing shapes. I love looking above the sky, seeing the sun shines brightly. I love looking above the sky, thinking […]
So, to make this simple, i fucking hate myself. I am not (and will never be) content with who i am. Nothing is actually wrong with me, i would just thoroughly enjoy killing myself. I am only posting this to relieve myself of hatred, or at least attempt to. I don’t care for sympathy. I do not want help. Nothing will ever stop these thoughts, no matter what anyone tells you. I have more friends in my head than i do in real life, simply because we share the same interests; death. The absolute ONE reason i am still alive is my boyfriend. I don’t […]
When the narcotics… The pills. .. Anything mind altering is gone..is when I feel everything the most.. I’m 20.. I’m a addict…I had previous problems before mentally all that I already posted on it….
I’ve noticed… I still feel like dieing when I’m high and I still attempt. But I find my self sober being maybe more successful in the near future… Drugs make me feel numb.. I no that. Mind altering and blah blah. I just want to stay high all the time. To like literally keep shit off my mind. But its getting more and more intence… I can feel it coming soon. I […]
I have been visiting this site for a couple months now, never registering and just using it as a tool to feel relatable to someone..anyone anymore. Though I didn’t post, I came to know a lot of the regulars through their posts and took solace vicariously, as the problems others listed with depression mimicked mine. Anyway…
The depression I’ve spun into has become worse. I had a long term relationship (7 years) end and a lot of it was my fault. I had everything I wanted once and I squandered it. To make matters worse, booze and drugs had become my outlet to cope. This would […]
I’ve never really had any sense of direction with my life. I think about the future quite often, but I don’t see myself in it. I never have. I don’t see myself doing any job or having children or getting married or living anywhere. I just don’t see it. I’m 23 and that’s still young, but most people have an idea of what they want to do with their life… I just don’t. I think I am destined to commit suicide. I feel like that’s my purpose in life. Does anyone else feel this way or think this could be my purpose ?
I have a handle of vodka, antidepressants, and a razor.
I haven’t properly slept in a little over a week. I’ve probably slept about 4 hours the most.
When I do sleep, I get these nightmares of the same thing. When i’m awake, I see the creature everywhere I go. The voices in my head won’t shut up.
I just want to be free. Is that too much to ask? I feel like a zombie half time. Sleep is my enemy. My mind is hazardous.
I’m tired of crying, i’m tired of sleepless nights, i’m tired of being being tired. I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore.
ive attempted suicide many times before but now i dont know why but i keep telling people when at the same time i want to die maybe i just want someone to tell me its ok to go. my parents love me i just wish they didnt and my brother really cares about me but i wish i was alone. I talked to my ex girlfriend on the phone last night and told her for the past two weeks ive been thinking about suicide and she begged me not to but yet if i did she would never know she lives in tennessee and i […]