My father told me that he thinks our cat is “on the way out”. On Christmas Eve. All I could say is “Why would you say that to me?” and go to the bathroom, my safe place. I turned on the water and cried for half an hour, my mind going to different places where I would be in less emotional turmoil. I wish I could experience everything I imagine for real, but I am not meant for any of that. I thought maybe I made it up in my head, and my father didn’t say any of that to me. He didn’t even apologize […]
want
I don’t come to this site often but I’m really down right now and contemplating ending it.
I’m tired of feeling and thinking of death so much. I can’t do this another year. I can’t change no matter what because 1.) I don’t want to because nothing outside will change and 2.) I’m just in too deep.
I didn’t even buy anyone christmas gifts because I’m a terrible person – I just want to spend my money on what I’ll kill myself with.
sorry if this brought someone down. I just feel lonely.
I long for the touch of a woman, a woman near my own age. I don’t understand people who say that age doesn’t matter. Age does matter. If you are in it for young sex or the money perhaps that is different. I am not that kind of man. I do not want any younger women lets say under 45 because I am 57. It is not fair to the woman since I will not be alive for a long time like her. I would not want her to deal with the sadness and heartbreak that may come with a dead boyfriend/husband. She may also […]
looking at my classes for next semester are making me feel fucking sick and disgusted. i hate meeting new people and having to leave the old ones behind. i am no good at people–i don’t understand them and they do not like me very much, not at all. i wish i could be in a high-school system where i’d have to deal with the same kids for a year and then switch; even then, it would be very possible to have a lot of the same people i know in my classes from year to year. in college, it’s definitely a gamble. you’ll probably get […]
I think I have now entered in a new state of mine. The “Real Suicidal Path” . The feeling of knowing you’ll never be happy no matter who you are with or where you are. It’s really horrifying to feel this way. It’s like nothing and no one matters because you, yourself, doesn’t even matter. It’s getting to the point where I’m beginning to not care how my loved ones feel about anything. Rather they are upset about their own problems, or mad over my feelings… I just want to get out of bed right now, go into the kitchen, and stick a pair of […]
i wish someone would pull my heart out like in Once Upon a Time so I couldn’t feel this pain anymore
its not huge pain but this silent deadly one
that makes you gasp like you’re drowning ever so slowly
there’s a constant lump in my throat and racing thoughts in my mind as i wish someone asked me how i am
and expected me to say more than “i’m fine” because they knew that it was bullshit
i wish that someone looked at me and knew that i had been crying the night before
because i felt so lonely because no one answered me, […]
and i don’t know why. my boyfriend is great, I have a decent job and family, and I just feel worthless and want to die again what’s the point
hey folks, wow, what a crazy, emotional day.sun has gone down,the ex has left, and the anxiety has eased somewhat. we were able to get the big stuff out, and now can cocentrate on the little stuff. the important stuff is safe. how sweet the quiet. how sad the heart.it was good. my son and his girlfriend came and helped. the ex did not bother to tell me that they were coming. totally lost it when i saw him. he was great and really enjoyed having them here. embarrased of course.no self confidence or esteem. basically feeling pretty low. but also relieved. some of the […]
I became 100 days clean from cutting on December 11,2014. I never thought that I’d make it. My best friend helped me get to this special day and he’s helped me stay on the right path. He’s so proud of me.
Today is now December 21,2014 and I am now 110 days clean.
I want people who are having struggles trying to stay clean to know that it’s okay. Anything is possible with the right support and guidance. Set goals for yourself. Believe in yourself.
There will be days when it gets hard and all you want to do is cut. I mean I still want […]
I have no more tolerance for the suicidal. Suicide is for cowards. It is for those who don’t want to take the hard path of confronting their fears. It is the combination of selfish interests and narcissistic self pity. It is the belief that you cannot possibly make the world a better place without feeling good. It is the dirty secret festered in incognito tabs on our devices and in private looming thoughts and plans. It is lazy and presumptuous- it expects love and attention without making the effort to dish it out to others in need. It is a liar that goads you affectionately […]
Last night i was so angry with myself that i broke my glasses with my bare hands. I’ve started cutting again after 2 months of being clean. Of course my girlfriend had to see my wrists and she said i broke a promise to her and she did not want to ever speak to me again… she claims i broke her trust by cutting. She doesn’t seem to understand that cutting isn’t something i can just turn on and off again, and that i don’t cut for attention or to make her mad… she hates that i smoke weed (????) and she hates […]
I don’t think there is anyone in the world who could really screw up their life like I did.
So this is my second post here. Could be my last. My previous post I mentioned how I said something dumb to my friends whilst I was high n drugged. It sounded gay I know they told other people about it. For the last two months this has been affected me. I been ashamed to go to gym, couldn’t function at work. My two friends which I normally hang out with would call me to meet on weekends but I would make excuses until two nights ago. They messaged me saying that they are going out to dance n are going to meet other […]
i am 22 year old boy, i just screw all thing. i screw my graduation and now i am not able to get any job. my gf is a DBA and she is forcing me all time that she do not want to live with me if i have no job in future. i am depress , i love her but she don’t because i don’t have money and job. i think i have no right to make GF. i am very innocent i just hurt when she look other guy with awesome car and she respect those guy and disrespect me because of money. […]
I was raised in a Muslim family.. so naturally my parents taught me everything that I need to be taught to be a good Muslim, there was no room for me to make a choice about what I want to believe in, it was obvious that I will be leading my life based on what God wrote in the holy book.
In my teenage time I started noticing that some of the practices in religion contradicted what I think is right! So I begun making up explanations about what my religion is all about, trying to make it fit my principles, but I was obviously just making excuses, […]
I’ve been on several websites for suicide now. All forums. I suppose I keep coming to search for something. Maybe a reply that says it’s okay. I’m an atheist, so I don’t want to hear anything that has to do with your Jesus, Allah, etc. I also don’t want to hear anything about waiting longer for shit might actually change in two, three, or ten years. I’ve been depressed since I was in middle school. I’m 21 now. It started when I was a child. It’s obviously the cause for my stupidity to begin with. My childhood was filled with many forms of abuse. My […]
Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
I’m going to keep this short and sweet.
So I’m a freshman in college 6 hours away from my home town. About a week ago my sister tried to commit suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills.
I found out about this from her boyfriend, her best friend, and my mom. (I also found out from her best friend that she’s had drug abuse problems recently.) I was able to contact her because she didn’t have her cell phone, but the day after she called me from the hospital. The gist of what I told her was that she should never try anything like that again. First off […]
So guys here’s my story, I’ve been living an average life. I was pretty confident, had some people who liked me. Girls thought I was quite good looking, more or less I new what I wanted in life I wanted to play hard now n later settle down with the love of my life. So basically I had things planned, i lived my life a day at a time worked during the days, went to gym in the evenings, Clubbed on Fridays n Saturday nights. Everything was good I did this for the past year. I had two best friends which I went to gym, […]
Honestly I don’t know what to do or how to feel. Life just keeps pushing me and shoving me and once I get knocked down I don’t have the strength to get back up. I hate when people try to help with their fake support. If they cared then why would they be the ones knocking me down? I hate the world. I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to stop feeling trapped, so trapped that I can’t physically breathe. It’s getting so hard to breathe.