How did I get here again? Ugh! I feel like I am never going to break free of this damn soul-disease that makes me hate myself. I feel numb and just want this continual emotional battle that I have going on inside of my head to just give it a rest and leave me alone already! How many more relationships do I sabotage? I have no friends and that is because I don’t want any. I believe that if someone gets to know the real me that they won’t be very impressed-so I push everyone away. I am not close to my parents and I […]
want
Let’s be friends, let’s talk and play and sing together. I don’t want to fight you. I already tried that, back when I was stressed and didn’t know that you actually came to help me, to pull me out of my shit. You’re my savior. Let’s learn how to live together, like siamese twins.
Joni Mitchell says “Blue, I love you” in her song Blue, which talk about acceptence and far from that, falling in love to the side which enslaves you. It’s not like you have much choice. If you are clinically depressed like me and want to experience life to the fullest before leaving […]
Um so.. I’ve been suicidal (on and off) ever since I can remember. I’m turning 22 next month and so I don’t have long, I don’t want to live past my birthday. Preferably, it’s when I’d like to leave this planet.
I’m not sad or angry or frustrated. I can deal with that. I feel like I’m holding my breath, waiting for that gasp of fresh air to bring me back to life. I feel crippled and it’s starting to effect work, work of which I hate doing ofcourse, I hate it all let’s be honest. this life thing isn’t for me, I’ve had a taste, […]
Reality is boring & LIMITED !!
Real life is boring & LIMITED !!
Real world is boring & LIMITED !!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, creative Art, basically human’s IMAGINATION & fantasy is often/always a hundred times FAR much more interesting & better than this sad, mundane, boring, superficial, […]
Depression to me is like a little demon/devil that lives inside of you. I watched this video of this guy on youtube who basically said how he viewed depression. He said…
“Humans possess this instinct of survival, humans want to survive, that’s why they eat and they work, all to keep them alive. When you have depression, that instinct vanishes, it isn’t there anymore. You want to die. You don’t see the reason of why you are here or why god put you here. You become confused and eventually kill yourself”
I can’t remember if he said that last part, that might just be my […]
I hesitate to post. In a way, looking forward to responses here is another tie to cut when all I want is to be free of such anchors.
I don’t yet have the materials for the death I want and I so desperately want to have that one last moment for myself when the day comes… But I fear I’ve run out of time. I can’t shake the dread of living, the longing for dying, and the dissatisfaction of my entire existence. I don’t know how I will make it through the week. I don’t want to make it through the week.
An empty life finds itself […]
I’ve been depressed for the past three years of my life. No one knows about it but me. I’ve have scars all up my wrists but that doesn’t seem enough anymore these days and now more than ever I truly do want to die. Most people who are depressed actually have real issues. I dont . The only problem is myself I can’t seem to get out of this hole that I’ve dug for myself. I feel so stupid and I hate every aspect of myself I feel like every day I fail. I used to have close friends but they always seemed to make […]
Only 10 days left until the 2 year mark. Wow. This slaps me right in the face, even though I’ve seen it coming for months now. Ah man, this month is flying and the 25th is gonna be here before i even realise and it’s gonna hit me, just like last year.
And then five days after the 25th, it’s our birthday. Oh i don’t want another birthday without my brother, he should be turning 19 wow what? I don’t want to turn 17 if he’s not here with me to turn 19.
I really don’t want to. I dont wanna ‘celebrate’ anything and people are […]
fuck Reality ! Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks ! Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring ! movies, novels books, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
Standing in front of a mirror has never been more freighting.
seeing every flaw,every imperfection,every blemish on your body.
its a nightmare.
you stare too long and then you start to see how your hair isn’t quite right and your eyes are shaped weird.
you get lost in this feeling Of disgust and despair inside but outside you show no emotion.you’re in a silent war against your self.
and all you want is for someone to see,to hold you tight and say you’re beautiful.but no one will.
and suddenly you’re looking back at the mirror and you see is ugly.if only someone would say you aren’t
Its funny. I did not ever think Id write on this blog. But eventually I have to. I felt so down ever since I was child, I am introverted. Last year I found a person who made me life a happy life, but temporarily. Many has changed, but eventually Misery, my love, found me once again. Im having these depressions and I have no idea what to do. Everytime I feel like this, I wanna quit. Die, sacrifice, doesnt matter. Wouldnt fight back at all. But then I wake up and my brain tells me “You will try again”. I dont want it to. I […]
i don’t even know why i am writing this really i suppose subconsciously i do i am just so tired of waking up each day with no purpose trying to do something with my life only to realize it holds no meaning in the grand scheme of existence and that ultimately i will always just disappointment myself with my own inadequacies i hate myself and the world for being the way i am i always feel so hollow like i am not even real and that i am no good to anyone it feels like my very existence is being stretched across some medieval torture […]
I’ve always been aware of the things around me but yet i’m so scaredof everything. i’m a senior and i’ve been depressed for a long time now. Everyone i had turned their back on me because they didn’t like who i was. worse,when it ever came to confrontations iwas and still afraid of standing up for myself and i hate the fact that i’m weak and worthless. I often hide how i feel and disguise it, noone cares about me. Last year i tried comitting suicide a couple of times but failed because i don’t want to die without atleast trying to be happy. i […]
(Didn’t want to highjack that other post again)… Have you ever been so tired and exhausted that you are too tired and exhausted to even sleep? I thought about treatment options today. I really don’t have any. I’ve done it all. I can’t bear to go back into DBT. ECT fried my brain last time and I am still suffering the memory consequences. I really don’t have any treatment options anymore. I’m out of options.
I don’t want to be reminded how undeniably identical we all are. The irony is that I want to be different, a never-before-seen version of the human mind. And this equates to one great big cliché, great. I’m a cliché.
As a child I was led to believe that my future would be full of wonder and adventure and discovery. But I was not born in a fairy tale, I was born into this life consisting of education, work, retirement and death.
I don’t want to simply blend into the blur of human existence. My goal is not to change the world nor is it to stand out from the crowd. What I […]
My best friend is dating my crush even though I told her how much I liked him before. I just don’t want to think. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to a movie marathon. I just want to fall into an endless sleep.
Sometimes I want to end it all
Sometimes I want to die
Sometimes I want to run away from life
Sometimes I want to join god
Sometimes I want to go visit my grandpa
Sometimes I want to cut myself deeper taking the risk
But then I think of all the people who care
All the people’s hearts I would scar
I can’t be selfish because I want to end it
I don’t want them to cry
I stay because I don’t want them to feel my pain
I have pain that they don’t need cast on them
I’ll take everything because I love them
I can try to convince myself that they will be better off without […]
Hi everyone, lately I’ve been thinking more and more about suicide. Over a year ago I met this guy who I feel in love with and after about 8 months I was told he had a girlfriend. Imagine the hurt and betrayal I felt by this. Sadly I wasn’t strong enough to walk away from him, it’s like he had some kind of control over me. I finally got to a place where I walked away from him for good about 5 months ago. I’ve been trying to better myself and move on with my life, I’m only 22. I’ve been trying to get back […]
Hey… I probably don’t know you and if you have made it to this site?
I know how you feel.
It probably won’t mean much coming from a guy sitting in the library behind a computer screen but somebody out there believes in you. They want you to succeed and do great things. I don’t say much anymore but I’ve noticed a lot of intelligent people here from their stories. Don’t give up the good fight just yet!
I’m not a “do gooder bible toting freak” either. I’m not here to preach at you or tell you it’s all going to be okay…but what I will say is […]