I’m lost, confused; angry at myself, yet I portray my anger at others to hide my insecurities. I am a sadist, I hate it. I hate it so much, yet I can’t help it. I want to stop hurting, but I cannot control myself. I made my mother cry today. I blamed her for what I am, I blamed her for who she is. She always let’s me do whatever I want. She never says no. Nor does she ever try to stop me. Does she care? I push limits, boundaries, nothing I do phases her. I wipe my feet all over this woman and […]
Tag:
wanted
I think I may have finished life a bit early. There’s really nothing more that I want out of life. Now that I think about it, I’ve never really wanted anything out of life at all, except maybe to be an astronaut when I was five. People often talk about dreams and so on, but I see those as just DREAMS, and not reality. I’m tired of living and dreaming, and ready to just go back to the earth as a lifeless clump of molecules.
Wiki Social Avoidant Personality Disorder & there’s my life.
I have a genetic predisposition to social anxiety, as my dad told me he almost joined a monastery for this reason. I have early childhood emotional neglect from physical abuse, verbal abuse, & hours of forced solitude. Absent father, he was going to college. I have extreme peer group rejection, lost almost all my highschool friends right after due to an incident with ecstasy.
Everyone thinks I look OK. That’s because I’m good looking, I’m healthy because I know cardio & lifting reduces stress, as I have anger problems thanks to both genetics & upbringing again. I’m great […]
Deep down I knew it all along; I knew I would relapse. I just didn’t know it would happen so soon after I started getting better. Maybe I wasn’t actually getting better? Yeah, I got a job and started doing voluntary work but my mind is still empty. For more than 2 years now it’s been 97% empty, remaining 3% were occupied by my feeling of worthlessness and grief towards life. I stopped daydreaming long time ago. Nothing interests me, nothing bothers me. I don’t think. I’m getting dumber each day and it’s showing. I’m so done.. Even meds stopped working. Sometimes I still […]
Hi, i’m new, sorry if i’m going to make some errors but english is not my main language.
Today i was on my Pc and came across this Website, at first i wasn’t sure if i really wanted to post something but i thought that this might help someone like it did with me. I am a 19 years old boy who really loves internet, videogames, anime etc. and, aside my parents, i had no one. I had no friends, they all left because i wasn’t “normal”, just because i didn’t like pubs, go to parties, smoke weed and things like that, i also never had […]
In april this year, I attempted suicide.
I was broke living on the streets for about 2 months in the philippines at the age of 36. Got burnt by friends and lied to by others and was left to fend for myself.
I then found refuge in a slum but having to rely on people that would spend less than 2 dollars in one day the guilt and burden was all too much.
The fact that I suffer from depression and couldnt but any medication played its part too. So many attempts to call home and ask for help fell on deaf ears. The sad […]
Sitting here in a bed gilded with death, I cant help but acknowledge that
75% of all the people in the world have already lived there best day,
have already felt the very best that they are ever going to feel, and have already made the best of whatever
there was to make of it all, and i’m one of those people. This dosent sit well, its a hard thing
to digest, knowing this relevant thing about yourself,
about your life, and still sucking air.
the cresendo of life leaves us whispering, as it will, every fucking time
So i make heavy toil of not […]
that’s basically why I’m here.
I’ve never really had many friends, even at school there was three girls in my primary class. We all got along okay i suppose but we didn’t have any long lasting friendships. When I came to secondary I made a few friends here and there mostly following my cousin about and tricked myself into ‘thinking’ i was one of her group’s members. Now i have one friend. This isn’t a post about how since i have one friend that i think i ahould commit suicide.. i’m just saying that one girl is the closest friend i have, we talk everyday yet […]
I cut again today. It was the first time I had in a while, for at least a month or two. I came home from a birthday dinner in a normal mood. I had somewhat attempted to make plans after the dinner but then decided it was too much effort to try and figure out what people were doing and I was kind of tired. I felt like people didn’t want me to hangout with them after, but I’m almost certain it was all in my head considering I didn’t put out very much effort and I’m also somewhat known as wanting to stay home […]
….oh yeah..
I’m suddenly feeling a manic episode coming on. I’m at a crossroads with this feeling.. I don’t know whether to try and use it to feel better or keep low with the help of my sad music and bad habits. I just don’t want to crash again..it’s getting so old I just want to keep myself down and depressed as long as possible. But time goes by and I get nothing done in my life. I cant eat to the point of self harm. The problem with these manic feelings is that they always drop suddenly without warning, that or I become delusional […]
Hello everyone, this is my first post, I think even my first post on the internet. I have read alot of your stories and they touched and moved me deeply and brought me to tears. If in some way I could be of help to someone out there just give me a message and I will be there for you. You are not alone in this nightmare.
Now for my story, I am a 32 year old man from the Netherlands, born slighty autistic ( I got traits from Asperger). My life has always been ‘different’ because in my mind I connect the dots different and […]
“No matter how hard you try there will always be someone better´´ This statement is to do with girls ovcourse, Its something a family member of my age said to me when I told him my story. He said that’s a lesson he’d learnt from his very sad love life story. But i’m not here to tell you his, I’m here to tell you mine and maybe find some confort between all us injured men.
I dont knw where to start… its a very long story (arent they all!..), so i’ll try and summarise: I’d know this girl for 12 years, for two of those we […]
My name is Jammy, I used to write a lot, i used to read a lot, i used to draw, paint and climb everything i looked, I also used to pull my hair, crash my head against the wall or fight my siblings when i was mad, and all nights i used to cry until i felt asleep, Mom couldn’t look at me when she came tired from work so she used to send me to the backyard at nights, first I was scared (just as every kid would) but then I start it to like, i enjoyed it being there but that wasn’t normal […]
Help me, I need help. I can’t stop cutting.. deeper and deeper. My suicidal thoughts are just growing stronger and stronger. I can almost not control them. I’ve wanted to commit suicide so many times. But I can’t. My depression and anxiety are taking over. Help me.. please.. I don’t know what to do. HELP.
I know you aren’t to bring religion onto this site, but it’s important in order to understand why this is hurting me.
I grew up in a strong Christian family. We always go to church and pray and follow the Bible. But that’s the problem. My family had their minds set on what was wrong and right, and they weren’t going to change what they thought. According to the Bible, two people of the same gender are not to be together. But that’s what depressed me.
I met this girl and to me, she was everything that I’ve ever wanted. But again, I was from a “Christian” […]
When I was a young girl, my parents were divorced and I lived with my mother. I thought that’s how families were suppose to be though. You have two separated parents and just visit the one occasionally. Then one day my mom started seeing this guy. I had an idea of what was going on because my dad was also seeing another woman. But the strange thing to me was when my mom and this guy who was actually a complete stranger to me got engaged and he moved in. It was weird at first but I liked the idea of having two “parents” together. […]
So I am still in school and just Friday I got jumped on my way to school when I got there got thrown down the stairs, my head slammed against the lockers till I broke my nose, put in a head lock and dragged down the hallway, and got locked out of the bilding, and then suspended for throwing one punch even though by shirt was coved in blood from my nose and you could not even tell they got hit all because I am transgender and later that day my family gave me a 6 page letter on why I should kill myself and […]
Hey guys, I’m 16 years old. and I am just trying to leave this house. I’m a disappointment to not only my parents, but my school, my sisters, and my life as well. I just wanted to know, how the hell am I supposed to get by. I’ve been kicked out of my house before, however the most I’ve spent is about 2 weeks outside before they allowed me back in. I just can’t stay here anymore. It not only will hurt them, but it’s eating me inside too. I can’t seem to see a future for myself. I’m flunking out of high school, I’m […]
Fuck. That practically sums up my past 7 years. I’m 16 years old and a junior in high school and I have given up. I’ve always wanted to go out, explore the world. But, there are certain things stopping me. I’m a pathological liar, and I have ruined every opportunity to make peace with my parents. I’m failing (all) my classes, I don’t have any type of extraordinary features, and I don’t believe I am worth saving. I have constantly wanted to commit suicide, but I never had the balls to do it. The couple times I did, I failed horribly. I don’t know if […]
Hi, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Please let me introduce myself: I am a suicide. “A suicide…?” you say, with some shock, thinking I have just made a joke in very poor taste. Yes, a suicide is what I am. I have been dead for some time now, emotionally and spiritually, if not physically as of the time of this writing. My actual name does not matter, nor do the majority of my life’s circumstances. I was never a happy person; that is not to say I had always been sad, or down, or any other state implying the opposite of ‘Happy”, merely that […]