Hey guys, I’ve been kind of a lurker here for sometime now. I just joined because I really wanted to speak to a lot of like minded people in terms of suicide. Suicide is something that has been on my mind for a long time now, but it has recently become a stronger fixation since the beginning of this year. Â A couple of weeks ago I started feeling like I could feel that the end was near for me and that I would probably die because of my fixation on suicide. Â Even now, it feels like I’m at the last step, but the problem is […]
Tag:
wanted
‘Ring’ ‘ring’ ‘ring’. I woke up at the sound of my alarm. ” oh gosh , it is still 6:30 am ” . I checked my phone I had no messages from my friends . “That’s weird , my friends used to talk to me everyday! ” I wondered to myself . I took a bath , brushed my teeth and prepared some delicious pancakes with my coffee .
As I was enjoying my sweet breakfast and listening to the sound of the birds , my friend vikki called . […]
If I only could
If I could fill your hurting soul with love and happiness,
I would.
If I could fix your broken smile and light your eyes with life,
I would.
Believe me, If I only could, I would.
I’m not good at this, I wanted to give it a try. xd
I wish I could make everyone smile, just for a second.
I just don’t see how things will get better… I have screwed up my life and continue to let others do the same. It’s like I don’t have a backbone. That makes me feel like even if my circumstances change instantly, I will still be screwed up. I’ve lost everything. I’ve had so much stolen from me – literally. I have family that thinks it’s ok to mooch off of me – literally and mentally, and they are totally delusional about it. They have been totally dependent on me since I was a little girl. I’m surprised that I’m not on drugs. I went to […]
what was i, what have i become. i am only getting more and more corrupted. i wanted to, didn’t i? when i couldn’t find a way out of it, i decided to get more into it. taste of lie, taste of corruption!
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.†– Dostoevsky
i wanted to test it. and i was so confident […]
I sat there
The silent consuming.
Upon the arrival
of the death.
Music playing quietly
Blood dripping down.
The darkness overcomes
And I submit.
Silence filled rooms
No more pain.
Nothing will hurt
Just the darkness.
The black abyss
And lonely me.
I wanted love
I gave love.
Deals are sealed
Death is now.
Goodbye my love
Stay on Earth.
We shall meet
One more time.
Goodbye my dear
Au revoir love.
You’re the one
That I loved.
And I’m saying
Goodbye…
At any moment I could go
At any moment I could leave
At any moment I could die
At any moment I could stop
At any moment I could submit
I could let go
I could not care
I could break more
I could stop loving
I could hate you
But I cannot let go
But I cannot not care
But I cannot break more
But I cannot stop loving
But I cannot hate you
Why? I can’t let go of you.
Why? I can’t not care about you.
Why? I can’t break anymore because I’m already broken so much.
Why? I can’t stop loving you no matter […]
I may not be suicidal but i do get depressed because of my lack of motivation and my fear of the future and this is what i like to listen to. So i made a playlist with some music that is nice to the ear and yes i know its hip hop but these songs are not the normal type you see its deep and all about the soft beats and the lyrics. Its poetry with beats. I feel like theres alot of rock and i wanted to put in something diffrent. Do me a favor and atleast listen to The Book  Of soul. Thanks people […]
I am so close to having every thing I ever truly wanted, so why do I still want to kill my self….why am I rejecting life
Hello.
I will be around for the next hour if anyone wants to talk. I don’t mind what it is, I just want to listen and advise. No judgement.
<3
I will refresh page every 5 mins.
I don’t have any magic solution or words of wisdom to save anyone.
All I know is I wanted to die. And now I want to live. It is possible. please don’t forget that.
SA
just siting here. blade in hand. unsure wether or not i WANT to feel that great release. that’s different. to want something. I’ve never wanted to, just had to. and now I can decide.
i thought. . .
i hoped. . .
i wished. . .
you broke. . .
you crushed. . .
you hurt. . .
i didn’t. . .
i wanted. . .
i really. . .
you didn’t. . .
you hated. . .
you thought. . .
So there’s this girl, she always felt lost and alone in this big world. It seemed like nothing would ever go right. She doesn’t know who her dad is and her mom only cared about the next guy in line to be with. She seen her mom go thru hell and back. She helped her mom thru all her drug addictions but it seemed like no matter what she did she could never get her mother’s love. When she was young her mom dropped her off at her ex husbands house cause she couldn’t take care of her and she thought it was the best […]
I was told by a doctor that the reason I am sick is because I lack positive thinking.
This was a professional medical doctor.
I was supposed to tell this idiot that I would get better in a matter of months. The positive thinking would make it so.
If I did not repeat the words, that I would be healed, then it was my own fault if I stayed sick, because it meant I wanted to remain sick.
I declined.
I have an incurable genetic defect. I have had it since birth. I am disfigured by it. It is not curable.
Doctors….or demons?
Lady, to me, you will always be a demon.
I have come to a realisation about myself. I have realised i am beyond my own control. I usto think that I could rule my mind with an iron fist, that i could stop the darkness, with nothing but my will. It vexed me, Oh how it vexed me when i failed but then i realised something. I realised the reason i failed was because i was not ment to succeed. Why would i be ment to change what and who I am?
I have faught the darkness in me for far too long. Now i realise i was never ment to fight it, I […]
I go to sleep to escape this miserable reality, knowing damn well that I will wake up in the morning with a panic attack, resulting in a substantially worse reality than the one I escaped in the first place. After spending a painful day in this miserable world recovering from the panic attack, and very possibly not getting any work done, resulting in more anxiety, I go to sleep again to escape, et cetera.
Non existence is a perfect state, where such concerns do not exist, and nothing is known of them. Not even the idea of knowing, or the idea of an idea, is known, […]
I hate my life. And I would like to end it. I always wanted to wait until I finished writing my memoir. But I realized that all I need to do is leave a detailed note.
I used to know who I was. I was the person that my parents wanted me to be, and I was happy to be that person. But now, I’m not sure who I am or what I’m going to do. I’m lost in life and I don’t want to find my way again, because I am afraid of what will happen if I do. I feel as if I am lost, and just drifting through life. But I don’t know what else there is to it, because this is all that I remember. Cutting is the one thing that I have control over, to just […]
People who sit there and brag about cutting to everyone and they shove it in everyones face piss me off you dont go and tell everyone out of the blue i cut because i wanted too. Or people who make fun of it. Its not exceptable. There are people around you who do it cause they feel theres no other option. Who want to tell you off because of it. Because you dont know the pain of the people who do it to feel something again.
I don’t feel like I’m in a good place right now. I don’t really remember ever feeling any particularly strong feelings towards anything, even when I have achieved something I wanted. Anything I would have considered a victory feels hollow.
I feel like I want to become close to somebody, I can picture myself talking to someone where we both know everything about each other and yet we pass no judgements. This could be because we know that we are in what is effectively a M.A.D situation and any sort of point scoring we could hope to achieve about each other could be instantly negated; and […]