I need you to touch me. Make me feel wanted. Pull my hair, choke me, I don’t care! Just make it sweet. Make me feel loved. Help me believe you still want me, when all the signs say no. I yearn to feel you again, or for you to at least want me. I remember when you loved me… Oh, I remember…
Tag:
wanted
I’m not even sure why I’m on here again… my life is in no immediate danger, but who know how long that will last. Some good things have happened to me an honestly I can say I enjoyed it. I graduated from college and got my diploma. I took my boards and passed them. Overall, I was ok, or well as ok as someone like myself could be. At the same time I’ve been clean for almost 5 months now. I haven’t cut or burned myself no matter how badly I wanted to. With all good things come the bad. I had to move back […]
Yesterday I was told by my last close friend that her mom doesn’t want me coming over to her house anymore and I don’t know why its like she doesn’t trust me. Right now I just don’t know what to do because all my other friends have gone of to varsity and I’m just at home feeling like a piece of crap. My parents aren’t paying as much attention to what’s going on with me as they should because I’m really losing it. I want to just shoot my self in the head and just end this misery because I’m literally dying inside…I have no-one…everyone […]
As a cchild, I used to dream of my future. I used to think all of these great things would happen, and that if I tried hard enough, I could be someone. Someone who was one who could make a difference. Not only that, but someone who would be great. Do something amazing, I guess.
But I believe those were dreams, and nothing but.
When I was about 5 or 6, I wanted to be a famous musician. I loved (and still do love) music back then. I wanted to just play piano or sing, get paid for it, and live that glamorous lifestyle. People […]
Everything was dull. Clouds hung over my head no matter how brightly the sun shone. I had to resist the nearly uncontrollable urge to fall flat on the ground, curl up into the grey hoodie I had been wearing for days, and cry. It pained me to smile. I was going through one of the worst bouts of major depression I have ever endured.
I fell into a rabbit hole, and theories, disorders, and research, along with a whole lot of blurry and blank areas was my wonderland. I ached to know more. I needed to know as much as I possibly could know about […]
I use to picture what it would be like if I had if I didnt have most of my problems. Would I be different? Yes. Would I feel better? Yes. Will it ever happen? No. I use to think it will get better one day. That was the first year when everything started. Now I have up wishing. I started getting bullied in 5th grade. It was just little things at first. “You’re ugly” “you’re fat” but as the years went by it started getting worse. Almost everyone in my grade was bullying me. The people who didn’t knew but they didn’t stop them. Everyone […]
Honestly, I’m not much of a writer so I will apologize ahead of time. I truly just want my feelings to heard. There is only a few people that know what I have been going through and yet they still sit back and do nothing. Sure, they express there concern for me and say, “It’s not worth it” or “I know how you are feeling” or “Give it time, it will pass”. Okay, it may not be worth it looking from your eyes, but to me it is. THAT’S WHY I’M SO UPSET! IT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME! I’m sorry, but there is absolutely no […]
Two years ago my boyfriend of a year and a half started ignoring me. He ignored my texts, calls, avoided me in person and when I asked why he finally told me I’m “a fat ugly waste of space that doesn’t deserve to live” and I became depressed. I cut every day for nine months. I counted over 1000 cuts in less than a week. I drank bleach countless times in the hope of dying but it didn’t do anything. I stopped eating. I would just have dinner with my family so they wouldn’t suspect anything and it would have been a tiny […]
You ask :” Hey how are you?”
and just for once I wish I could just say: ” I’m miserable and I wanna die. Every breath is a challenge! My loneliness is endless and there is this black hole at the bottom of my heart that seems to eat away at my soul” Oh what a load off my chest. JUST FOR ONCE, to be completely honest.
But instead I smile and I say”fine!, how are you?”
which is your cue to tell me all about your wonderful weekend. It is all you wanted anyway. I think even if I tell anyone how i truly feel, they […]
Hey all,
It’s 10 days since I decided to follow a plan in order to give myself a last chance to become a better man and find meaning in life (http://suicideproject.org/2014/01/ive-got-my-plan/). Unfortunately each day is just more difficult.
I’m on the right path with most of my goals, I’m seeing friends (even those I hadn’t seen for years), I’m visiting my family and spending time with them, I’m preparing a trip to a place I wanted to visit, I keep visiting my therapist (didn’t find the guts to tell him about my thoughts). I go out and I wear my mask, people think that I’m ok while […]
I’ve never really thought about typing this out, but after reading who knows how many of these post that have made me feel such I wide range of emotions, knowing how much they’ve helped me I figured maybe adding mine could help someone else out there.
Sorry for this part, I know it will be boring to read, I just want to get my whole story out there.
My name is A, I am sixteen years old. I have severe depression and anxiety and probably OCD. I’ve been bullied since 6th grade. I’ve been called just about every name in the book, but […]
I thought fuck this. I considered suicide. I looked on Google as I search Google for everything. I wanted a painless way to die but I couldn’t find one.
I didn’t want to feel any sort of pain or discomfort matter of fact I didn’t want my life to end I just wanted the bad stuff to stop. I still wanted to hang in my PJ’s all day, watch movies & eat junk. I just didn’t want the crap like expectations/
get a job
keep it
b successful
have children get married
Hello
My name is not important and I have been experiencing suicide ideation and fantasy since I was 10 in my memory , likely earlier, 6 as reported by my mother.
I am 21 now and things are more or less as bad as they usually are in my perception. I struggle with self-criticism, anxiety, depression, etc, worthlessness, hopelessness. You know the ropes by now.
I know there are people that love me and people that care, which makes things all the worse. Usually my ideation and fantasy has more to do with the concept of “un-existing” or “erasing” my life. It’s not a spite or glory or […]
On Mother’s Day I wrote that I wanted to wait until my daughter turned 18. I don’t want to check out while she’s so young, but I don’t see myself holding on another 6 years.
Hi Guys,
It’s day 12! Woo!
So today was a snow day for my school. Which is great! So my friend and I went to a humongous library!!! It was amazing! I love books and libraries and it’s just gah! So that was awesome. I was feeling great. I was feeling happy for once. Then my sister had to go and ruin it. She threatened me again. *sigh*
Let’s start from the beginning. I woke up late today. (woo!) At around 10:30ish. I got up. Read a little. I did have breakfast/brunch. 😀 It was pancakes. Then I started talking to one of my friends and […]
I think I have come to the conclusion that my social awkwardness has gone so far as to affect my relationship. I just can’t seem to communicate with him. I tried talking to him again last night. No extreme drama from me this time. Well at least I don’t think. Anyway, I told him that I just felt like a huge failure and that I can’t find any good worth in myself. I have been hearing from my mom for many years how she almost died giving birth to me and how her pregnancy with me was just terrible because she gained over 40 pounds […]
I lasted 98 days without a real cut, it was the hardest thing iv ever done but my dad stopped hating me, then the voices came back and i fought it and then the thoughts got strong again, and i kept fighting until the insomnia hit. I lasted 6 days with no sleep before i cut, i cut two days in a row then last night i cut to deep and had to be taken to hospital and stitched up again. The nurses all know me at this point and they al just shake their heads at me. More stitches to add the the collection […]
Wandering the world aimlessly, I continue to descend, faster and faster as I feel the wind in my hair. I see all the faces along the way, all the hurt, all the desires, all the love, all the moments. Little moments in each box, like presents waiting to be opened on Christmas morning. Presents that will be lost for all eternity. Deeper and deeper I dive into my slumber, into the depths of my mind, the depths of my soul, into the center of the earth and beyond. Everything engulfs me and swallows me whole and I become one once again. Each time I dream […]
I’ll try to cut the bulk and give you guys the gyst, but it is hard. I have been battling suicidal thoughts and self-harming for over a decade. I never thought when I first started this, that I would have my own place, a growing family, and still be struggling with the razor.
Anyway. I’m an only child from a one parent family. My dad is as strange to me as people I have never met before, and I am okay with that. He wandered back into my mom’s life for fun occasional sex when I was 12; that’s when my battle began. When I self-harmed […]
how could you just do that … all i ever think about is you, and now I’m so lonely. i miss you with all my being. u never cared did you. you never ever liked me and i was just this stupid clingy thing that should just die in a hole. it was all in my head. i just can’t….believe it i guess. i can’t bear to accept it. I’m just tired….i really really…..i just.. I’m pathetic. its like all of that was a dream. it really is like it never happened now, isn’t it? there you go, on with life, and I’m just STUCK […]