Hello everyone, I guess I will start this off by introducing myself. My name is Adam. I guess I should start at the beginning. Growing up, I was a pretty lonely kid. I was the typical black sheep and outcast. I remember one time when I first started school. Every kid in the class had to choose a partner to play with, and of course I was the only one left without one. Anyway, it didn’t really bother me then. When I turned 8, my mother and father split up. My mother had custody. She was more interested in girlfriends than men. Long story short, […]
Tag:
wanting
Finally decided to take action and source ******** only to find a whole group of us in search of the same thing and wanting to move on from this life. As I read I think, “you’ve got heaps to live for” so what if you have a colostomy bag, so what if you just broke up with your significant other. You’ll get through this. But I need the ******** a lot more than you..
Why should someone stay alive ? No one feels your pain , your sorrow . No one really knows everything you’ve been through . I was rapped , then hurt by the love of my life . He cheated on our anniversary . How could I believe he would change when he asked me to take him back ? I was hurt , sad , depressed . I was going through a transition in my life . Before he cheated I had ran away from home . I walked from my house all the way to my grandmothers house . My mom didnt love me […]
I’m slowly coming to honest terms with myself; that despite all the effort, I can’t fix this whole thing. This weight problem. It drags me down both physically and figuratively. I feel cross with myself all the time: why can’t I successfully diet? Why can’t I stick to a plan religiously? The universe doesn’t want me to be happy, and I’m not going to fight back anymore. It’s sickening, how polluted my mind is. Fat. Food. Carbs. Weight. Fat. Not good enough. Disgusting. I don’t know how much longer before wanting to die becomes needing to die. I can’t fucking wait for […]
This is my first post to this site and I’m a little apprehensive. My soon to be fiancé and I broke up yesterday. I’ve been crying ever since. She and I met online. She was going to be the last person I talked to before I ended my lifei . SHe and her boyfriend had broken up and I wanted to make sure she was okay and make one last person happy before I ended my life. We started dating and I was planning on proposing. It all came to a stop yesterday. I’ve got bad PTSD as I am a volunteer law enforcement officer. […]
I came on this site a LONG time ago and actually met a friend through here… we were both considering suicide three years ago and we are both still alive… We’ve graduated high school, and made it to college, and our colleges are only 30 minutes apart.
But that’s not why I’m posting… I have come back to those thoughts… Well, they never left. But they’ve kept from suffocating me for a while… Until now. Suddenly, these past couple of weeks, I’ve come to the conclusion that I should self harm again and have been. I have been wanting to kill myself but am not sure […]
We dated for awhile then we were just friends things got messed up we hurt each other helped each other we met on here and you’ve been wanting to die just like I before we ever met I think. You really did it this time and i hope you didn’t im crying so hard I know you were in so much pain and I couldn’t fix you I tried so fucking hard and you even said you can’t be fixed I love you I hope you’re feeling peace for once
My birthday is always a difficult one for me to swallow. I’m always alone, depressed, thinking of what it would be like to be released from such a hell.
I see people my age hand in hand, laughing hanging out having a good time, enjoying life. I’m alone and in pain that has become so familiar it’s like an adopted friend I can always count on to be there. The familiar sting, burning sensation I almost swear is right under my skin as the pain wraps it’s arms around me in a loving embrace.
I had a girlfriend who recently broke it off and told me, she […]
Dunno if it’s alright to post this on the suicideproject, but ah well, it’s a torie (Yep, I know: Story)
I woke up at 0.00 hours, out of beer and wanting a beer. I stepped out of the house, thinking I’ll go to a bar. Some beggar asks me for a cig. In contradiction to the usual I say, here’s a cig. Do you want to sit by the water? Well, I do. He says I know you, I spoke to you a couple of months ago. I say: yeah, that’s right. Sitting at a small water in the city centre of a large city I’m […]
Ahem. *clears throat* Awkward. TnT Fuck. Anxiety. Let’s see. Lost 3 friends to suicide. 1 had recently attempted. Idk. I used to have a whole group of friends. Depression came by for a visit. Boom. Became distant and just closed myself up from everyone. Avoiding people all day at school unless I’m stuck with a partner. Realized no one gives a shit about me disappearing. Yep. *becomes air* Probably going to fail school because I’m skipping classes to avoid having anxiety attacks even though I still have them. Holy horseshit I’m probably sounding like some little shit right now. *face palms* How did I even […]
As we all know, plenty of aspects of life aren’t very easy to handle. But I learned that through difficulty there is greater strength to gain alongside experience and maturity. Sometimes I wonder why is it that if you are in the middle of one of life’s struggles, it becomes difficult to believe in looking at that bright side. How come the obvious light at the end of the tunnel becomes so faded and unbelievable when one is basking in depression?
It’s quite scary because during this dark time it’s so easy to forget that everything will be okay. What if I become so convinced […]
I’m so sick of being literally ignored by the people around me of these extreme feelings. Literally ignored. I say something, and they act as if nothing was said. I attempted suicide before, and I want to do it again. I do not know why I couldnt have just died the first time. As if anybody cares. If anybody cared I wouldn’t be in this situation right now. I have sought help through counseling but I have found it to not work for me. I find myself wanting to hang myself everyday. I want to so much. I know its my only hope but I […]
Living each day with so much difficulty, having to force myself through each task or activity is so exhausting. I don’t even have the energy to commit to dying. I wish there was a switch to flip so it could just end. I feel like a burden on my husband. He is so good to me and all I do is treat him like shit and fuck up his life with all my bullshit. I am torn between wanting to live for them and wanting to die for them. . . and for me. I’m just not strong enough to keep going. I just […]
Mental Health Week ends today in my country. I am very lucky to live in a country that is pretty accepting of mental health issues but even with it’s national recognition on media and such, I can tell you that I still continue to have stigma placed upon me from first hand experience. For instances, I was tricked into disclosing my health issues during a job interview and it was so obvious from what the lady said, wrote and acted after I did disclose my mental health problems that I wasn’t going to get the job. I stupidly tell people that I am feeling suicidal […]
I’m not the person I once was…I’m not the person I had hoped to be..
My mornings are filled with sadness and fear and tears.. every morning when I drive to work, I get the same choked feeling, only now it starts before I leave the house..
My life is empty.. it’s bitter and it’s hopeless.. I’m not the hero I’ve tried so hard to be, in fact now I’m even less than nothing..
I’ve closed off from people in my life.. when I would do anything for some attention then, now I just sit by myself and cry..
I cant eat.. I’m afraid to […]
I’m failing school.
The past few days have been really, really bad. Whenever I study I feel this sense of hopelessness and I am unable to bring myself to believe that I CAN, that if I work hard enough, I CAN get an A…
I tried to stop binging and purging. Well I stopped purging but I couldn’t stop binging. That sucked because I got fatter. I guess you have to get worse before you get better? Maybe I don’t have enough patience in myself. But it really got me down. Because I feel like there’s nothing I’m good at anymore. Not music, I don’t believe I […]
I’m still alive. For now, anyway.
My wonderful adventures with DCFS are over-not only did we get the kids home, we blew the lid off some serious corruption in the courts, too. And my asshole in-laws will never, ever be allowed to foster another child. They’ll never see my kids again-we ended up going no contact with my husband’s entire family a little over a year ago, and our lives have gotten progressively better ever since. Amazing how things improve when you stop surrounding yourself with assholes.
I also cut off my relatives. All of them. I finally realized that they’ll never change, and I don’t have […]
I’ve been clean for three, four months and a couple of days ago i cut again, i hate myself for it, everything that’s going on, friendships, wanting to be non-binarry/ftm but my mum will never ever accept me, i just feel so load, and hour ago i broke down in my Uni class, i hate myself i’ve always been so strong and right now i’m the weakest i’ve ever been, i feel like i’m being pulled and dragged around by my family, the people i talk to i don’t know who i am anymore…
I won’t eat, i’m losing so much weight, i’ve got people saying […]
Here I am, sitting here in my dorm with the light out. The sun is going down, soon there will only be darkness in my room. There is a concert going on and if I go, I will have a panic attack.
I don’t have a roommate because we didn’t get along. Who am I able to get along with? I really want to know. Every social situation has my stomach in knots. My palms saturated in sweat. My stomach a mess.
I have never felt truly suicidal until I came to college. I’ve dealt with depression since I was about 12 or 13, but turning 18 […]
i have been an unwanted child of my parents since my birth. My old fukking asshole of a father didn’t realize the mistake that he was going to commit on that unfortunate fukking day. it kind of just happenned and I got fukking born.
Now this is only the start of my fukking life and I have been wanting to kill myself for over a fukking 15 years, but somehow have still not been able to do and am fukking living on.
Have read the peaceful pill over a dozen times, but can’t find the fukking ******** or the fukking exit bag. Have decided on CO death, and […]