Dunno if it’s alright to post this on the suicideproject, but ah well, it’s a torie (Yep, I know: Story)
I woke up at 0.00 hours, out of beer and wanting a beer. I stepped out of the house, thinking I’ll go to a bar. Some beggar asks me for a cig. In contradiction to the usual I say, here’s a cig. Do you want to sit by the water? Well, I do. He says I know you, I spoke to you a couple of months ago. I say: yeah, that’s right. Sitting at a small water in the city centre of a large city I’m doing fine. He says I’m so hungry. I say; that sucks and you’ve degressed (as the opposite of progression), it’s not going good with you. He says what do you want? I say beer, here’s a ten, go find it. He comes back (which amazed me) and couldn’t get beer, but in a rough neighborhood there’s still a shop open and he’s willing to go there. So I decided that that’s ok, Ill walk with him to the shop and everything is dandy. So said, so done. So got some beer, and we are walking back to the same old water, and out of nowhere he lays his arm around me and says I’ve got a knife against your throat, give me money. I lied and said I have no money. He says I’ll cut your throat. I say; You can, but I still have no money. While he ponders the thought I decided that I have a left hand (they never see him coming), and that now would be a good time to put it around his throat and squeeze as hard as I can. It got the desired effect. Since he was running out of air he had no other option then to end the embrace and remove his knife from my throat. Fighting ensues and I lost my pack of cigarettes and the access card for my work. For a five you can have it back? Don’t think so, it is already mine and besides, I don’t have any money! In his dumb brain he decided finally that this ain’t worth it, and walked away, me walking after him and demanding my pack of cigs back, while I really don’t give much of a f# and as always are carrying a shitload of technical equipment, which value surpasses that of a pack at least by 300 times.
In retrospect; why did I do it? Is this a total disregard of respect for my own life? Why didn’t I even flinch and think before deciding it was a good idea to cut of his airway, why wasn’t I impressed by the knife to my throat? Was it suicidal? I could have easily given him my wallet, my phone, my MP3 player, etc. and it wouldn’t have made a dent in the rest of my life, but I didn’t.
How f’d up do you need to be to decide to try and rob someone at knifepoint? Are you screwed from the start or do you become that way?
Thanks for listening my dear suicidal friends, I hope you’ll live for just another day.
Kind regards,
name
3 comments
If I were you I would have pulled a knife out of my own pocket and put it at his throat. This world is full of idiots. The best way to avoid them is to avoid speaking with them at all.
I’d guess a mixture of things on that one… Probably screwed from the start though. Poor family values, lack of love including abuse and a need to fight for survival.
Suicide is more of a personal fight that burdens us, and excludes the outside world to a point. It is our own thoughts and actions that threaten us rather than someone else’s. Sure people have done things to make our lives miserable, but what we do with those things is find a way to blame ourselves. This is just how I see things, feel free to tell me I’m wrong. I usually am.
You are right, Life is ours to live and we are the masters of our own life (in both good or bad ways). Thank you for your response, I deeply appreciate it.