I’m not the person I once was…I’m not the person I had hoped to be..
My mornings are filled with sadness and fear and tears.. every morning when I drive to work, I get the same choked feeling, only now it starts before I leave the house..
My life is empty.. it’s bitter and it’s hopeless.. I’m not the hero I’ve tried so hard to be, in fact now I’m even less than nothing..
I’ve closed off from people in my life.. when I would do anything for some attention then, now I just sit by myself and cry..
I cant eat.. I’m afraid to close my eyes..
Evil has taken over my very soul..and I’m tired of fighting it… I want to die…
I scream and I scream to let out this deep seeded pain when I drive usually but now I scream when I get home..I scream that I hate my life and I want to die..
I’m too weak to do anything about it.. but I’m no longer strong enough to hide that I hate my life so much.. and I always have… it’s more than just wanting to be left alone.. I cant function anymore
My life is over..I’m just waiting for the lights to turn out.. I’m waiting for the end
It’s coming
6 comments
…I wish I could just help someone, anyone, but even help myself…hahahahahaha 🙁
You are not the only one who is like this. I am too. I hate my existence and I hate all the others who can live happily without knowing the pain I have constantly felt. If I had more willpower maybe I would take out my fantasies on them but as it stands I am so utterly broken I can’t even muster the resolve to kill myself, I hope that will eventually change.
I feel exactly the same way about work but it’s not worth crying over. If nobody likes me or my performance then sack me.
I don’t cry because of my work.. I cry as a result of being a complete failure in my life and never being able to see any good that comes from my life. I’ve got a broken spine disorder that reminds me of how painful my life is and how it only gets worse. It creates pressure to where I suffer anxiety. I have some kind of PTSD from when I was attacked and almost killed a couple years ago. I have a major manic depression deal going too.. all this has gone untreated
I don’t see any of my old friends here on SP anymore… 🙁 I hope they are ok.
i’m so sorry you’re still in this position RT, I remember you used to be one of the most positive people on this site, I really enjoyed talking to you and joking around. your life isn’t over, you’re still in your prime and have the potential to excel in anything you put your mind to. I know it’s been very hard since your wife left you, you have to forgive yourself and her and found a strong basis to your life you can build upon. is there anything you aspire to do in life anymore? think of it very carefully, I really do think the RT I used to know still lives inside of you. you have the capacity to be the hero you once were. you need to want to change and I think you do from your diction in this post, you need to utilize it. you have so much capability, you really do, you have the power to turn your life around if you truly commit to it I think. i’m not stranger to depression and understand the perpetual hopelessness and depravity, let yourself grieve but don’t dwell on it. push yourself to do things I think would be a good idea, occupy yourself with things, by isolating yourself you’re perpetuating a cycle of loneliness, I think relationships of any kind would be incredibly beneficial for you. if you have no one to talk to i would more than love to speak to you, hang in there RT *hugs*
Thank you
And it’s comforting to see you still spreading good vibes. I hope things are going good with you..