Is exactly how I envisioned it would be as a child. Fun things suddenly become boring.. days go by slower with less to do, people get angrier and stop caring about you. More and more of my day is devoted to being sad. I’m forced to do things I don’t want to with people I don’t like. Life chooses winners and losers. I’ve spend so much time trying to find a sense of meaning in anything, anywhere. Hope is a crutch for children  – bowing and bending until it shatters under the weight of your grief and pity fucking sadness. I don’t know how any of you find your way out […]
Tag:
way out
I don’t know what to say, so I’ll just ramble.
For the past two weeks the only thing that has been on my mind is putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger.
Three years ago I would have said that there may still be hope for me. Five years ago I would have said that suicide is a cowards way out. But now, I see it a bit differently.
Now, I see just how much strength it takes to abandon whatever it is that convinced you to stay for so long and enter permanently the into the unknown. I understand that it isn’t a way […]
Why is that stabbing myself seems like a beautiful way out of my misery?
More beautiful than friends, more beautiful than family.
The knife is right there, on the kitchen table, next to my cup of tea.
Tea. Or knife?
A simple stab is all it would take. Maybe two for good measure.
But for now I pick up the tea. I’m too cowardly to do otherwise.
It’s time, I’ve finally made the decision to go.
What triggered this choice? Reality. I’m ready, there is nothing to live for, except my girlfriend.
My name is Gabriel Tullio, I am 17 years old, living in South Australia. I am about to commit the inevitable a bit sooner than expected. Early last year I had an arteriovenous malformation resulting in a left side hemiplegia. I was supported by family, friends and my girlfriend for quite some time, but the injury has gotten to me. Just recently my friends have drifted as I am a burden in their eyes. I am a constant disappointment to my family […]
Lately i haven’t been able to keep a good morale at home with my parents. Ever since I have started trailing of in school my parents have done nothing but tear me down. I tend to forget the last time I heard something positive from them. I have attempted suicide twice during the moments my grades have been going down. No one is here for me. I have lately even began questioning my religion. Whats the point of living if there is nothing to live for? What is there to look forward to tomorrow? More depression? Or nothing at all? I’m just tired of living […]
I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnels’ collapsed, and I don’t have the strength to dig my way through it. tell me it’ll stop hurting one day. tell me there’s even a reason to try. tell me i just need to think more positive when the only way out of this is a sheer cliff coated in barbed wire. and before you try to tell me that it’s not that bad, *yes, it fucking is*. I’m not an idiot. This feeling isn’t new. I have looked at all the options and all the paths ahead of me and […]
I am here,because of one reason this is true “Love” I am strong I know this because I am also weak. Ive been through most of it,and seen alot heard most of it..I am 19 i’ve lived this life and keep living even though i’ve had my darkness and even when the light is in,theres always gonna be dark because ive learned “The sun cant stay out forever,but the darkness leaves always,and cant stay forever either” this is my story and yes it is true.
I found love at 16 a point in my life when I thought I was gonna give up and give in […]
Does anyone get thoughts about not living anymore? Like if there was a way to just disappear with no pain and not hurting anybody you knew,would you do it? I would like to say that i wouldn’t, that i love my family or words don’t hurt me or whatever people who are stronger than me say. But the difference between me and them is that I am a coward. I can’t talk back in fear of being hurt and I would chose to disappear and never come back than to try to fight back. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a painless way out. […]
I know that it feels like a good way out of the bullshit that life throws at you. but its the cowards way out. suicide has never helped anyone. and i know you dont want the world to see you but you are a beautiful person and you cant see it. you just cant see that there is a place beyond the bullshit. there is a place just on the brink of perfection and you will get there one day. the world is going to change whether its for better or for worse there will always be that happy place but killing yourself will only […]
im in this trap and there’s only one way out.
So it’s been a while since I posted but a lot has happened. I’ve been living in Germany for a few months now and it’s been amazing. I still have my job which I absolutely love. Finally got my flat sorted and I’m slowly learning to navigate this gorgeous city. I still have episodes and I’ve picked up a few tricks to help me combat them. Every day has been a revelation including the day I got the most amazing news a couple of weeks ago from my doctor; I’m having a baby! I’m so happy and excited and completely terrified. My boyfriend is taking […]
It’s been almost a year since I’ve been rescued from here. And I find myself sitting here at night again. Knowning no other way out that to spil out my heart on this place.
Why didn’t I just kill myself last year. Why haven’t I done it still.
It’s because I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to wake up again. I’m afraid that guilt will kill me if I do.. I’m afraid I will be too weak to actually commit. I’m afraid I don’t have enough know how.
The one thing I’m not afraid of is dying.
even without saying anything people can find out the truth. we all have that one secret that will break someone’s heart. I had many secrets but didn’t want people to find out. there was only one way out of all this. suicide. but I didn’t have the courage to kill myself. so I found another way out. self harm. I never knew that one cut would lead to so many. I had problems at home the only way out was self harm. people hated me at school they would call me all sorts of names and all their words got to my head and would […]
I often ponder death wondering if its better than dealing with the pain walking around broken beaten and just done death is always the answer that comes to my mind at least it seems like the easy way out
I’ve suddenly found myself in a situation where my life is about to come to a full stop. I’m 29 years old, hold a Master’s degree, and was previously living a very good life. After graduate school I got a job working in a niche consulting firm. I was there for a little less than two years and decided to quit because I was unhappy on a daily basis. Instead of finding a new job before quitting, I impulsively decided to travel the world for three months and come back without any plan. After coming back from my trip, I was offered a great consulting […]
Why bother in the world of inequality, where billionaires have everything and the masses are destitute. Why work, why slave over, why even participate in the game of social mores and maniacal head hunts. Maniacal CV and Resume sending. This is not the way life is supposed to be. Spend all your money on pleasure, and then let someone else play it. Fuck all the GDP statistics and the deranged global money-changers.
She doesn’t know
How much farther
She can go
Before its all over.
Â
She wants people
To notice her,
How far will she go
Before she will see the light.
Â
She stands alone
Thinking of ways to go
Because she thinks
People don’t see her.
Â
She realizes that
In this battle
Of life and death
No one is there for her.
Â
As the light
Grows brighter
She sees the
End is near.
Â
She knows what
She has to do,
All that’s left
Is saying good-bye
Â
She closes her eyes
And counts to three,
And before she knows it
Her life is
Done.
Â
She didn’t think
How this would
Affect the people
Who are around her.
Â
She doesn’t realize
That those who
Look up to her
Are going to try this themselves
Â
She didn’t know
That a seven year old
Would take the blame
Of this […]
Older Posts