Growing up…

Is exactly how I envisioned it would be as a child. Fun things suddenly become boring.. days go by slower with less to do, people get angrier and stop caring about you. More and more of my day is devoted to being sad. I’m forced to do things I don’t want to with people I don’t like. Life chooses winners and losers. I’ve spend so much time trying to find a sense of meaning in anything, anywhere. Hope is a crutch for children  – bowing and bending until it shatters under the weight of your grief and pity fucking sadness. I don’t know how any of you find your way out of this. I’ve been clawing dirt for years now. I might just find someone with knowledge of life’s inherent meaninglessness to do it for me.