I’ve cut myself off from almost everyone. Nothing has really happened for me to feel so drained and lost. I can’t tell anyone how I really feel. I think about ending everyday. I’ve fooled the best of them denying my thoughts of self harm. Yeah it’s a permanent solution I just want out. Anyone that looks at my life wonders wat the fuck I’ve got to complain about I have a man that is wonderful he’s domestic he certainly doesn’t need me or my negativity. I just want out no one can help me. I’m in cairns Australia I have no friends no one I […]
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wonderful
There’s a drug called Risperdal which is supposed to help people with schizophrenia and certain types of bipolar disorder. Today I saw a commercial urging men who had developed male breast enlargement syndrome after using Risperdal to join a lawsuit against the drug company. The law firm, or team of lawyers had an easy to remember, toll free telephone number: 1-800-BAD DRUG. The advertisement featured a depressed looking male who looked like a teenager. He was sitting on the floor as he held his head in his hands. Apparently he wasn’t too happy about developing female breasts. Thankfully, all he has to do now is dial a toll […]
i hate this instinct to survive. Â My intellectual self wants to die, my emotional self wants to die. Â Why do I continue? Â Why? Â I know I would be better off dead. Â How wonderful that peace must be. Â I go to sleep at nite thinking please give me a good dream and don’t let me wake again
Ever since I was fourteen or fifteen, I have had many, many fleeting periods of suicidal thoughts. They come often at times of stress. I will take a walk at night and consider throwing myself under the wheels of the passing truck. I am a rock climber, and I have tied a noose out of climbing rope and put it around my neck five times, just sitting alone. Last year I lived on the eleventh floor of my building, and considered pitching myself through the screen and out the window. I have gotten drunk and pulled a knife across my wrists, imagining what it would […]
You ask :” Hey how are you?”
and just for once I wish I could just say: ” I’m miserable and I wanna die. Every breath is a challenge! My loneliness is endless and there is this black hole at the bottom of my heart that seems to eat away at my soul” Oh what a load off my chest. JUST FOR ONCE, to be completely honest.
But instead I smile and I say”fine!, how are you?”
which is your cue to tell me all about your wonderful weekend. It is all you wanted anyway. I think even if I tell anyone how i truly feel, they […]
Hi, I’m a 15 year old male (contrary to the title I know but keep reading) I was born on August, 8, 1998 anyways I was born to two wonderful people here in my wonderful homeland of Canada. I was (am) being raised in a religious group witch I will not mention because its considered the worst sin to talk about it/give it a bad name. But yeah it’s basically led by a group of old men, and everyone in it is delusional, including my parents. So about the title, yes, I’ll get to that right now, I was a special child born with a […]
I’ve experimented with a lot of substances in my life. Over the course of probably like 7ish years I’ve tried Psychedelics (LSD, 2CE, DMT – my FAVORITE DRUG), Cocaine, Benzodiazepines (Klonopin, Valium, Xanax, Restoril, Ativan), Stimulants (Amphetamines, Adderall, Focalin, Methylphenidate, Vyvanse), marijuana, alcohol, and the best of the best: opiates (OxyContin, heroin, hydrocoone, oxycodone, oxymorphone, hydromorphone, morphine, methadone, suboxone, subutex, etc.) – you get the point. For the most part I’ve been responsible with drug usage. Things never got out of hand and addiction was a foreign concept to me. But when shit hit the fan a few years ago, I lost all […]
Even though the sun shines bright today, even though life truly is wonderful this day, at this moment, I can never forget the life of suffering ahead of me and I can never forget the suffering that brought me here, because the moment I do, all my efforts and my desire to end my own life will have been nothing but shallow delusions, things just felt in the moment and not profound at all. No matter what, I will hold on this feeling. Never to let go.
The Thirt Word was “Hum,”
Caught by straining ears
As I softly release
Your trembling arms…
I can no longer count the number of friends and family that have committed suicide on one hand.
The pain in knowing i’ll never see these people again is the biggest emotional hurt. I can no longer see their beautiful smiles or hear their voices. I’d like to share one particular suicide which I learned a lot from.
I was 15 at the time. Only 15. We stayed over at a friends house after a party along with many other people. I woke up in the morning to find one of my gorgeous, lovely and amazing friends having hung herself off the deck. To this day the […]
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