How am I?
Funny how no one really asks you that question because they assume that you are fine when in reality you are breaking and crumbling every day and no one notices.
Weird how the fact that, that I’m the first person to ask How I am in some time.
How am I?
Broken.
Shattered.
In pain.
I get more nervous now so I bite my lip, but sometimes it makes it bleed.
I lick my lips a lot more too to try and calm myself down, but sometimes it doesn’t work.
I breathe faster now trying to control my anxiousness around triggers.
Normally […]
Tag:
work
I’m going to eat 11 nurofen all i have :(.then I will hopefully fall in unconsues .before that I will that my eipen .this messes up the heart and makes blood vessals smaller .with the nurofen whitch says not to take if u have heart problems.i migth as well take some strong alcohol with that .finally when asleep I will hold a bag over my head with my thumb so when I fall asleep so choke to death . So who thinks this will work.i need to be certin cause my mom will notice the stuff gone. if anyone could give me any advice or […]
(I addressed this to a friend. The thing is, I won’t send it to her. I want it to be read, though, so please do.)
Read this in a place and time where you can handle an emotional outburst. You can’t know how sorry I am for burdening you with this, but you deserve an explanation.
If you feel guilty at this for any second, I swear I will haunt you for the rest of your life.
1/13/14. I have no idea what you were doing that day, but you might remember it by receiving a somewhat suicidal message from me. You texted me later, and I eventually […]
I am really so sick of living already, people are so mean to each other and forget about what they really are. We are organic matter. We are animals who developped enough, over centuries, their frontal lobe so that we can think. That is all, really. Why bother with HAVING to work, HAVING to be beautiful, HAVING money, HAVING power…. can’t we just embrace life? This universe will go to waste anyways, so why learn at school? The fact that I know how to spell words in a language we use, what’s that giving me as a creature, a living thing that really only needs […]
Yesterday my mum told me that my sister has been taken back into hospital again on a section for the umpteenth time in the last few years. She used to be a risk analyst in an investment bank – less than five years ago. Now she thinks she is god’s wife, she is having his children and that the spirits are going to take her to another place the family can not reach.
She is not the only sibling in my family that has mental illness. I have it, my brother has it and her twin has it. All four of us by my dad are […]
Fuck….I don’t even remember lastnight. Only woke up an hour before work, suffered through, now I’m home in the dark silence trying to feel better. Getting drunk off my ass was fun and all, but I’m not enjoying the aftermath
25 years of life and I can honestly say that I am a disappointment not only to myself but to everyone around me.
Im always forgetting to do something, which makes people mad. I cant help that I have a bad memory, But no one honestly cares. All they see is that I let them down.
I am constantly being told I don’t do enough, I don’t try hard enough. Im a lazy fuck according to everyone.
I don’t work enough. I need to work more.
More….More…. Nothing is ever enough
no matter how hard I try, Im always letting someone down.
I wake up in the morning wondering what Im […]
I’m so sick of you trying to fix me, i don’t need your help and i don’t want it. You doesn’t understand how much i already fucking hate myself and how i hate every single thing i do, how i act, look, speak, everything. AND YET you still fucking point out every little fucking imperfection. “stop laying down on your bed and using your laptop” “do something productive” “clean your room” “read a book” ” how are you going to get honour if you don’t work your ass off even though you’re just in grade 9 and nothing matters, but still work your ass of […]
I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to deal with people at work. I cant
Method : ******** gas using exit bag.
Believe it or not I have implants, the schizophrenic kind…voices but also complete control of my motor functions. Also hi-tech nanobots both in my brain acting as neurotransmitters to control mood (permant suicidal feelings), and in my body to electrocute me. if these don’t make you kill yourself, what will?
Got the ******** tank and even drilled hooks into wall to restrain me, given I’m a robot (fuck!), even had neck restraint planned. Tried to inhale for 25 second out of inflated eit bag, and didn’t even feel light headed. It’s SUPPOSSED to knock me out after just five seconds! […]
im tired of trying to please everyone but myself. im tired of pleasing my parents(grandparents). tired of trying to please my so called friends. tired of trying on everything. im just tired of getting up to go to the same shit everyday. getting yelled at cause im failing my classes well for your fucking information im taking pre ap which is better then regular classes and its changed since your fucking time. getting picked on made fun of being a expierment for my friends just so they can have fun cause i wont stand up for myself well guess what keep doing it but when […]
To whom it may concern,
I wish i was a better story teller to describe why i am where i am today. But all i can really think of to share is the present moment. I am a 28 year old male with a fantastic dog great girlfriend low rent and seemily great life. The problem is no job… without a job means i will be forced to give away my dog lose my girlfriend home and great life style. Happiness has a price. I am finally realizing that it cost money to breathe and live in this world. Without a job to gain money i […]
Do other people feel the despair that I feel when they hear these words? I wish my eyes would stop leaking. I’ve just popped a lorazepam. I want to scream. I’ve got to slay this dragon and go work.
I am in a pretty rough spot here. I’m only 16, but every aspect of my life I’m starting to hate. My family doesn’t hate me but it is apparent my parents don’t have a great opinion of me as I complain a lot. It’s understandable, they have problems too but I don’t know who to turn to. My mom has diabetes and I take care of her most of the time during the day. She lets her sugar level go very low and becomes incoherent sometimes. But she isn’t grateful for it and I pretty much hate her, for many more reasons than one. […]
here I am laying in bed after a night of almost no sleep like every other night since ive been on these pills…im just to weak to move anymore its only a matter of time before my “sister” comes in yelling calling me names telling me to get up but I dont have the strength anymore im looking for a way to end this life,ive tried overdosing but that didnt work so I need something worse I dont care anymore if people are upset if I die because if they cared they would try to understand my pain but they dont even talk to me […]
Frankly, I believe I’m growing weary; tired.
Not quite sleepy tired, why I’m finding it more and more difficult to become sleepy at night anymore (hence why I’m up at 11:27 p.m. feeling fully awake) but tired of something else.
Perhaps I’m tired of waiting. I believe I have full reason to be tired of waiting, for I’ve been waiting eight months for him. (M.A.B.) Eight goddamn months.
Why do people have to go through such heartbreak and disappointment? For I have waited and waited just so that nothing will happen.
I feel like suicide. Too bad all my overdose attempts never work.
My body is destroying itself. Suicide would only speed up the process that had begun the day I was born.
I have a chronic illness. On a typical day, I wake up feeling as though I haven’t slept, struggle to get ready for work, barely get through work, and have to crash as soon as I get back home, sometimes without so much as eating. If I’m lucky, the pain is at a 5/10 or below. If I’m not so lucky, it’s at at least an 8 and climbing the longer I push myself through a day. Apparently my 8 is a normal person’s 10/10.
Right now […]
Last night, i worked 12 hour so i’ll be making $82 from that. sounds like a lot right, not really. Tomorrow i got to work again from 2pm to 8pm thankfully and i’ll probably be working by myself. Â there is this woman at my work, and she’s a supervisor, manager or something but basically she’s my boss and she’s definitely bossy but it’s sexy, you know? is it just me or does anyone else find bossy women sexy? she was giving me attitude and kind of pissed me off but i was turned on then she was talking to someone and stuck her ass out […]
ive fucking had it. it’s 9 am. I’m tired as shit. i have more shit to do than i have time to do it. i don’t even fucking have time for a social life. I’m doing everything i possibly fucking can. all i want to do is graduate. at the top of my list. stop making my life so fucking hard and miserable. my skin is the worst it’s ever been and it won’t get better because I’m so fucking stressed. he keeps me talking till fucking late as shit then i have to get up early. i don’t have time for this. he doesn’t […]
Most mornings I wake up wondering why Im still alive. I hate life, there are good, even great things in my life, but they don’t make me happy. The people I love or like to hang out with and the things I like to do only make me comfortable for a bit, even a couple of days, but the desire to die always come back and it is getting stronger by the second. I just never understood whats the point of life. Work and have kids???? that doesn’t sound very appealing to me. I work and go to school, but I would just love to stay […]