I was born with a loving, caring, and forgiving family. To most people, that’s a blessing. But to me, it only makes it harder for me to make them pleased, or even tolerant of anything. It only makes my life worse. I already hate me, so does everyone else, so my own family were like the only people who I could trust at all, and now they are like people I never even knew. It just sickens me to see what I have done to these great people, and what I can do to all those with a pure heart, unlike mine.
Well, up until summer of ’11, everything was going alright. Yes, I was still your average 6th grader. Bullied and all. But, my parents were also dealing with divorce. Their fighting kept me up at night. Which, eventually started my cutting habits. After their papers were signed and our house was sold, everything got worse. My dad ended up being obsessed with my mom. She bought a house and he would drive past it everyday. He’d go to her work and sit in the parking lot. Â He would text and call her non-stop. Well, my mom got a boyfriend which caused my dad to eventually […]
Im writing here because I really don’t know where else to turn. There’s people around me that I want to reach out to, but the thought of doing that seems worse than dying…when I was a kid I was around a lot of things that disturbed and distraught me, so in order to cope I turned something off inside of me so I wouldn’t care and these things wouldn’t bother me anymore. And they beer did again, but it came at a great price. I’ve lost passion or interest for anything, and I’ve lost the ability to trust and communicate with others on a genuine […]
Why does everyone have to dress like hookers when it starts to get hot outside? Seriously, do they feel it is mating time and they need to attract sexual partners for breeding? And then when someone not as optically attractive as they are wears the same kind of clothes they are criticized and laughed at for doing the exact same thing. Anyways, there are enough fine pieces of clothing which aren’t too warm to wear and which cover more than just the reproduction organs.
And imagine a guy wearing the same clothes, or even worse a NERD wearing those clothes: I don’t want to think about […]
everyday its the same routine. waking up thinking its a new day but then suddenly everything reminds how much of a fuckup you really are. And school doesnt make it any better. makes it worse actually. ive tried to pick myself up but eventually when i get home i dont eat or talk but go to my room And cry myself to sleep.
i hate my life, it sucks, everything goes wrong but i guess im skipping a bit too far ahead so here from the start; when i was a little girl my mom and dad split up, he cheated we never spoke they never spoke, growing up he wasent there they never bothered then when i was about 7 he appeared again started wanting to see us we did an had frequent contact this was amazing, i never got along with his wife, i hated her and she had a strong opinion on me, this made it hard to see my dad again , again we […]
Do you ever wake up feeling like today is going to be another bad day? Thinking that nothing will change, that it will just be this daily routine of negative thoughts and feelings in Your head? Well maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But me…well this is only just the frosting to the cake.
all My life I’ve felt like i don’t belong anywhere i go. Whether it is family, school friends, outside of school friends, sporting teams, swimming squad, whatever. Ive always felt this sense of isolation and separation from the others. At first, when I was 5, it didn’t matter to me, I just […]
the only thing multiple overdoses, slicing my body to shreds And smacking my head against walls has done is bring negativity. any problems of insecurity I had have gotten worse from the amount of scars I have and the vomiting has fucked my body shape. the overdosing has made me get sick often and feel “not all there”.
not only is my physical body suffering from that but my soul is to. The more you lose the battle the more of yourself you lose… And all I can say is from the time I’ve spent reading, meditating.. this isn’t as bad as it gets.. I can […]
So why does it feel like I am? Outwardly I try so damn hard every single day to make them smile, to make you smile. My only thoughts are of yours, my sweet Maria. When I turn inward, numbness is all. None of this is your fault.
I have been distant all my life. Not ugly, or fat, or picked on in any way. I separated myself from others as a matter of course. We had no connection, whatever they felt around me was lost on me. Social cues, meaningless, friendships, tossed aside. I care about nothing. I’m watching my fingers type and know that this […]
I’m such a fuck up I can’t even kill myself right..
I’ve tried 7 times and I’m still here….
3 of my friends have done it..
Why can’t I?
They say it has to get worse,
Before it can get better.
I say, “how much worse?”
“How long will it take?”
It’s been 6 years.
But here I go again.
Faking this smile.
Hiding the pain.
No one sees through.
No one cares to.
My father completed suicide a few days ago. Â No one ever saw it coming–he was a religious man, a bachelors in Theology and an ordained minister. Â He was terminally ill and getting worse and worse by the day. Â He did not want to be put into a nursing home or die in a hospital. Â He died at home in his own bed. Â He was only 60 but his quality of life was so poor I don’t blame him for doing it. Â He is so much better off, in no pain now and free from his need of oxygen to live. Â Â I am sorry […]
Eventually crying yourself to sleep will go away and your mind will tell your brain to just stop, give up, stop. Obviously the tears aren’t helping your depression. They won’t fix things, they won’t make you feel better, the only make you feel worse. Tears drown you in your pain and sorrow and make you over think why you were crying in the first place. Then you find yourself thinking of all the times you fucked up and how you wish things were different and how much you don’t want to deal with people, emotions. And thats all you need to make the biggest decision […]
Don’t read this if you don’t want to, you probably have better things to do.
I’m a 15 year old boy. I haven’t been diagnosed with depression but it’s not necessary. I’ve been depressed since I was 11. I started cutting a year ago. I feel worthless and alone all the time.
It was when I was 11 that I found out how easy is for people to use you when they need something and then forget you immediately. It was when I was 12 that I found out how your “friends” talk shit about you at your back and criticize you in your face. People […]
I’ve been in hospital psych ward for two weeks now. I self admitted to try and regulate my meds. Things aren’t going as smoothly as I had hoped. There are clearly people worse off than I. I have been witness to some aggressive personalities, situations that have occurred beyond my wildest imagination, and today my roommate made an attempt on her life that has struck me to the core. I have come to realize that any healing has to come from within. There is no one out there to help you. You are alone in this mess you find yourself in and there are two […]
Telling someone they can’t be sad because others have it worse,is like saying someone can’t be happy because others have it better.
Visions I’ve been dreaming are coming down, they’re changing my future. Visions I had buried underground returning to abuse me. I’m getting worse, I can’t sleep. I thought that the feeling was gone, but it’s getting stronger. And I miss him, I miss him so much. I’m missing him like never before. But still, can’t be with him, can’t tell him, can’t dream about it. It hurts, like hell. I just want to be okay. I just, want to.
I trust a girl with my heart and it’s broken as if nothing, I showed her my true colors and she turned them black and white once again what have I done to deserve this? Guess it’s what I get…I never was meant to live truly, there’s always something dragging me down and she has to make it worse all I want is to be worth something but I’m easily replaced, I can’t do this anymore I always plaster a fake smile hoping people will leave me alone, but she always has to come to me about mistakes I made, she said she can’t say […]
As I’ve told you in my previous posts, I’m a nihilist.Meaning I don’t think there’s good or evil, morality, value, ethics and right and wrong, I think that all of this is subjective, and therefore cannot change any objective aspect, I don’t believe that anything like that is real, necessary or effective.Also, I think that the universe is indifferent towards our existence, our lives are but an ephemeral meaningless exercise of futility.Then I try to act indifferently.I TRY, but I can’t get rid of most of my emotions.Today was a living hell, this day couldn’t get worse.Everything simply went wrong, I […]
Has anybody (obviously you have) gotten to the point when you feel like you’ve run out of tears? You want to cry, let it out, you need it, but somehow you can’t? Numbness slowly taking over day after day… I would give anything to be able to cry my heart out right now. It’s just what you need sometimes.
Death cannot be worse than this numbness. Nothing is. We all know that no pain is much more painful than what we call pain…
Not feeling at all,
PURPLEPAIN
My mind? I’m intelligent, you’re smart too!, we’re smart.
But our knowledge, sometimes it’s worthless.We know there’s no hope, we know the situation is bad, we know no matter how many times we try it won’t work, we know the things will get even worse.We know.But the feelings…the feelings…we’re almost breathless, crying, slappin’ our own faces, screaming, preparing ourselves, methods already chosen, we got the stuff, almost doing…
But even in a rainy day, when everything is going wrong…I dunno, when I feel certain emotions I completely forget about suicide.When I see something cute, when I hear an inspiring art, when I hear babytalk*, I […]