So, I need help. I don’t know why I live anymore. My dad has been abusing me and bullying me since forever. Whenever I get picked up from him on weekends he just abuses me and calls me a failure. And compares me to everyone else as if I am not good. Now my best friend that I thought we shared everything in common with supposably thinks I’m lying because he boyfriend lied to her about something and of course girls choose their boyfriends. And the thing is she told me to change. And now she ended the friendship with me. By growing up I […]
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yourself
There’s nothing interesting or worthwhile about my life. Heard the same old bullshit story over and over and I’m done. I really don’t care about the people who are my friends. Never had a real friend who understood me, and I’m way past trying to find one. Thanks to my childhood being raised by a clueless ***** mother who doesn’t know the first thing about seeing to a child’s healthy emotional/mental development, I don’t give a fuck about others. Whether or not I’m bored, I think about ending my life cause this one is just a waste of time.
Ppl always tell you you shouldn’t kill […]
Tell her i love her
tell her i love her
tell her i love her
tell her i love her
tell her i love her
You never notice how much affection can kill you…litirially, you support her through everything she knows how you feel about her, she understands you and you understand her but yet even in the way you have expressed yourself, your love she doesn’t feel the way you want her to and the love almost seems guilty, you would do anything to get to her heart, betray your friends, lie to her, choose her over everyone else. Even after all the crap you take for her, the […]
You don’t have to make your breathing stop to be actually dead. There’s this self-therapy to make you go bat-shit insane. You’ll laugh and cry until the two blur together like an ugly blur of paint colors and you won’t be able to paint a picture, no, but you’ll be able to rot in the trash. No one wants grey paint
Go to sleep and scare yourself. It works. Lucid dreaming. Frighten yourself to the point of numbness
Have you ever stared in the mirror for too long? That pale fleshy creature morphs into something twisted and grey and demonic, hollow, empty, dead!!! And yet alive…..
Last night […]
I’m soaked back into that mood, that one that seems no matter where you are everything is pointless nothing to gain. Nothing ahead of yourself, nothing planned, nothing going as planned, and surely nothing I want is ahead of me. It’s like clock work of suicidal thoughts, it’s hits tremendously hard at times, then there’s the barable and okay. It’s amazing of how badly I can think myself into this, loneliness has to be one of the biggest things, right behind the uselessness of myself. It all just hurts and I need to get it out someway.
I sink into worlds of fantasy, faraway lands where I don’t even exist. Because in these stories the hero is never afflicted, never has any mental ailment, they just persevere and eventually they get the girl, defeat the villain and live happily ever after. This isn’t one of those stories. I’d never get the girl even if I tried. There is no happily ever after. And I’m the villain of this story. Sure you can fight yourself, you can even destroy yourself, but there is no scenario where I come out on top. No version of this where I win. Ultimately I will keep suffering, […]
my medication stopped working, and i’m feeling suicidal again, i’ve had a problem with cutting for years now, but its gotten alot worse recently, does anybody have any good coping skills that aren’t, that read a book, draw a picture, love yourself, therapist crap?
“Sweet soul, you have done more than you give yourself credit for, you are far more beautiful than you make out, you have made your way past moments that could have destroyed you and your future shines brighter than you realize. Celebrate yourself in this moment. The world is fortunate to have you.” ~ S.C. Lourie
Have hope and don’t be so hard on yourselves. You are always better, more important, and more alive than you feel in the darkest moments. there is light and there is a tomorrow.
at my school people go around and tell each other go kill yourself, go cut yourself, your not good enough, they call them names depending on the race they are, all of this as a joke. a fucking joke! i mean seriously how will they feel if suddenly one day someone took that seriusly and killed them self or how would they feel if one day i walked around the school in shorts and had my legs covered in cuts? huh? honestly i feel like i need to make this example and if it were me i would do the suicide. now i may not […]
Who’s to say the way that I think is wrong?
It may be different to you, but why is different wrong?
Maybe I’m a step above you on the evolutionary tree.
Compassion is a trait commonly found in the losing side.
“Have you thought about harming anyone besides yourself?” Frequently.
“What do these thoughts consist of?” I want to know what their insides look like on the outside.
The disgust in your eyes. The way your lip curls without you even noticing.
I’m what you’d look like if you didn’t care so damned much.
don’t you dare label me
Does anyone else just get really frustrated with people who think they are helping you? The ones that constantly compliment you? Because they have this naive delusion that if they just keep saying it over and over again, somehow it will change how you think about yourself? The compliments are just awkward aren’t they? When what you believe is the exact opposite of what they are saying? You know they are trying to be nice, and they are trying to help. but it just makes you feel uncomfortable and its annoying and you wish they would stop and you hate hearing it because it feels […]
First post..the thought/idea of killing myself has become more and more reoccurring. I’m so confused. I don’t understand communication, the useless topics and small conversation that just passes time. Everyone seems so comfortable in their lives, and know what to say or what their doing, I care alot about what I sound like-If i sound stupid, or “cool?” I dont want to be like this, I want to be truthful to myself, and I try too, but how do you stop caring what other people think? And fucking thoughts..what the fuck do you do with thoughts when you do not believe in or know they […]
Okay, so I haven’t put anything positive recently, but here’s something for you that might make you smile, even a little bit.
On here I’ve found a multitude of people who want to die, and a few have probably succeeded, but no one truly dies.
You see when you meet someone and you speak to them and get to know them, you impart a portion of yourself on them.
When your loved ones speak to someone you knew, they’ll hear your voice layered within theirs.
I remember last year, I got a really adorable card for someone 1000 miles away that I’d probably never meet anyways…
Someone who would always let me pester then about maybe being in a relationship one day, and gently push me towards finding someone else, the whole ’emotional support’ spheal all along the way…
Someone who, for one of the first times I really felt like saying the hell with it and shooting myself, I wanted to keep talking to all the way to the end…that eventually made me feel like I couldn’t, somehow….
I still have the card, of course…they just wanted pictures of it, rather than […]
Have you ever just been tired? I mean exhausted, used up, nothing left… I feel this way constantly.
My life isn’t the worse, I’ve had ups and downs, like everyone. I’ve had those who have wanted to hurt me and those who have wanted to help. I’ve had family defend and offend me. I’ve had opportunity knock and doors close. But it’s not so much the ups and downs of it all. I mean, I know things happen all the time. Good things, bad things, nothing, something… these are just events. However as humans, I believe we tie ourselves to these life events. We allow them to […]
Do you ever find yourself writing letters that you’ll never send? I don’t mean actual pen and paper letters, like maybe written down on your computer or as a draft in your inbox?
I’m doing it more often these days.
I write letters to everyone. Family. Friends. And you.
I think if I went I’d want them to be delivered to people. They are my essence. My everything. I don’t know any kind of post mortem delivery system for the suicidal though.
I find myself staring at the belt more and more. Nothing special. An old brown leather belt. It holds my weight, I’ve checked. So does the bed […]
“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.
But sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.”
Veronica Roth, Insurgent #3
This passage resonates so deeply in me.
You laugh in my face when I tell you how messed up I am?.. When I try to explain why I hurt because you ask what’s wrong with me? No, what is wrong with you?!?! Why laugh at someone who is clearly destroyed inside? Oh, that’s right I forgot I’m nothing but a joke to all that surround me.. I’m sorry I disappoint you. Maybe, one day when you see me cold, blue, and lifeless, you’ll feel a little better about yourself and won’t be so god damn self centered for once… Fuck you too!!! Fuck it all!! Sorry I’m such a fuck up! Done… […]
F is the cruelest letter
It tells you that it will never get better
That you are, and always will be
A failure, don’t you see?
This is your destiny, preordained
Molded by your own hands that have stained
Yourself, and everything around you
A deep, twisted blue
So do not aspire, do not dream
For life does not burst at the seams
With joy, mirth and green
Because for you, only one thing is foreseen
An end, a quiet end
So that you may send
Yourself to deepest black
Which shall take all that you lack
And consign it to silence
A most fitting penance
For a fool such as you
Tears. Warm salty tears. I can’t hold them back anymore. I remember this feeling. This dark yet beautiful feeling of fear drifting away from my body. Seeing blood through my pain. As I lay in my bed of broken, sad bodies.. tears fill my eyes. Excusing myself from the souls laying still in bed..to go see tears break on the bathroom floor. I bring the razor to stain the white tile floor. To say hello to another tear in my fragile skin, and thank it for moving in. For it’s doing me a favor. Letting me suffer one more day. And one more night. Because tomorrow.. […]