Guess I really am doing this

April 30th, 2011by loreildarksky

I’m killing myself in a few minutes. This life is too much to handle. I can’t keep going like this, alone. And I am alone. Sure, I have friends and family, but I’m isolated. So much that I can barely remember what it’s like to have those, to have the support of my friends, to have that actual friendship. The feeling someone cares. I can’t… I don’t want to keep living. My life… is nothing. Nothing more than heartbreak after heartbreak. I’m surprised the pieces can still feel enough to keep getting hurt.

I am hurting, more than I ever thought I could. I can’t take it. I think… I realy am going to do it. Kill myself. Something. Anything to make it stop. Just… make it stop… I need help, help that I can’t get from anyone because they don’t know or care. They don’t know I’m hurting, that I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart. They don’t know I feel alone, scared, betrayed, and depressed. Of course, I don’t blame any of them. It’s my own fault.

I have a cup of pills set out, ready to take. I think I will. I don’t know if they’ll work the way I want them too, in combination. I have a bunch of sleeping pills, pain pills, and other perscription pills. Over a hundred, all told. I want to do this… and that scares me. No one is home, except my brother, but he’s asleep and wouldn’t get up if the house was on fire. I could go, so easily, and no one would find me… The only thing is I don’t know if someone is coming over or not.

I feel bad for wanting someone to just come and stop me, because I really do want to die. That way I can’t run anymore, and I can just get everything done and over with. The whole punishment after death, or whatever, if I believe in god or stuff like that, for being such a bitch my whole life.

I guess now would be the time to say goodbye. And if I fail… well, I’ll be back on to report, I guess. Like anyone cares.

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