Just like I presumed life seriously did mess me right up again. Life just seems to be a gamble nowadays. Once again I got caught with my boyfriend….really is it that bad to have a boyfriend I mean I am 18 just leave me be. Ok I know it goes against my religious beliefs and all but I just don’t know what to do any more. On one side my parents are telling me to get married now, but we have nothing to live off and are still students ourselves…and on the other side I have his side who don’t mind me getting married to him but they want us to disconnect all ties for 2-3 years. I love this boy to bits and after 4 years I cannot leave him like that, he has made me the person that I am today and because of his help and all I have put the blade the pills and all down. I did slip up this week and cut problem is this time I don’t have an explanation for why I did that :/ I just feel like I am tired of living the life that everybody else wants me to lead and lead my own life and do what I want without the hassle of everyone else sticking their nose in all the time. I am scared right now big time that I may be a threat to myself even though I am trying really hard t bury all the urges that come at me and tell me to just go and take a few pills and topple over the edge. I want to change and be the girl that I was just 5 days ago.This is what families do to you they suck the blood out of you. My mum has stopped talking to me and my dad probably hates me now I feel like I am all alone and have no one to turn to except my friends but at the end of the day they have their own lives to lead and cannot be there for me 24/7. They are there for me but I don’t feel like the same person I was just a few days ago with them. I just don’t know what to do any more…
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2 comments
It just appears to me from your post that your mind is racing faster than a high speed car and you are utterly confused. I don’t know what is the tearing hurry for you to get married. Your primary aim should be to be self-sufficient in life first, so that you can live a life of self-esteem and don’t be upon other’s mercy. You can try the academic way or acquire some skill for that. If your parents force you to marriage then you need to explain things to them and if still they don’t budge then take help of other senior family relatives. There must be someone, some uncle, aunt, granny, grandpa, etc. who would see reason in your life choice and would help you to make your family members see reason. If your boyfriend really loves you then he will wait for you. If not, then you have chosen the wrong person, I’m sorry to say.
It’s your life at the end of the day. You have to make the call. In the current insecure world depending on others financially completely is no more a nice thing, the earlier things are just passe. So financial independency is of paramount importance. If you can maintain that discipline of working hard to achieve your goal after marriage then you can go ahead, but many can’t and they regret it later, I’ve seen many such people. So instead of regretting later, think clearly and judiciously now, without being in haste before going forward on any route. Good luck!
If you love him why would you want to die? He would be with another person since you’re gone… live for him.