Because love ruined me…

I wish I never meant you. Because if I never meant you, I would never know this feeling that haunts me every day, this sickening feeling that feels like I’m incomplete, lost, missing something. And indeed I am, I don’t have you to call mine anymore, your “hers” and I don’t know which hurts more the things you tell me or the fact that your still with her despite how you feel for me.
When I hear people say “I love you” to their partners I wonder if they actually know what love is, how it consumes every inch of your body and soul, how the very thought of that person’s name can make you feel both good and bad.
Love can be an amazing utterly europhic feeling to share if its shared between both people, if not that one person is left to rot from the inside out, forever feeling incomplete and lost.
Because I know how it feels to be that person, the one who is stuck in love but it’s not love anymore I feel, it’s a never ending wound that never heals. I wish so badly to find love again, but when you find that one person who makes you feel that way he made me feel you’re doomed to ever find that feeling again with someone new. I know it’s possible a new kind of love is out there, it just hurts deeply that I lost my first and forever true love forever.