Roman candles

I realized that life is comprised of snapshots Which our children will look at one day and reflect upon with wonder.Never knowing, never seeing the internal chaos and outward rioting craziness that filled the days and nights, trying to suppress the void and make sense of the senseless emptiness that is living. They will never know, because by the time they have enter this world we have already moved on from our unsure footing to more stable ground, It will in turn be our job to try and teach them the rights and wrongs, and do our best to prevent them from making our same mistakes.In the end however the best teacher’s will always be experience, but not of one that is perceived through another’s distorted point of view, they will in the end follow down a road that is very familiar to the one upon which we chose to begin our very own journey.

It is much like a pendulum no matter how hard you try to prevent it from swing, one gust of wind, a slight bump, a change of heart; the pendulum will once again resume its incessant swings and sways. And with that another unsuspecting victim will be caught in the cycle, and once it begins no amount of good intentions or mentor ship will ever sway them. Most people it seems aspire to be the driver of there vehicle, i guess it just takes age as well as experience to realize you don’t always have to be in the drivers seat to get where you need to go, and sometimes its kinder to ones self to just become a passenger once in a while.

What is that feeling you get when you’re driving away from people and they recede from your line of vision until you see there speck disappear ? it’s good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy adventure beneath the skies, not knowing the full impact of that moment until much later in life, see we don’t always have to drive away..

As of yet i do not have children, and i no longer have friends of which to share this journey, these many placed adventures with. There is no one present to which i can leave my snapshots with to serve as a guide or to divert there course of action, No one to look upon them with fondness or remembrance. Only i am left to see them, to use myself and my memories as a reflection and projection of possible futures.

I will one day fill my life with many people, whom i will shower with gratitude and generosity, and use my past as a means to treat people better in the future. One day i will master patience and i will learn to lead first with love and abate hostility.  No longer will i feel the pain  that stabs my heart, as it does every time I see a girl I love who is going in the opposite direction of mine in the too big world.

i want people, i want  mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of nothing and yet of everything at the same time, the ones who never sleep, never yawn or say an ordinary thing. I want people who burn, burn burn like roman candles etching spider webs across the night sky.