i war with myself constantly, going from extreme highs to lowly lows. I don’t know what to do, I always over react and I always make mistakes, I’m like a sporadic pendulumI swing from doing what’s right and what’s wrong so quickly. my life’s a mess.in the long run I think I’m going to get a truck and I’m going to do some traveling probably go from one corner of the Americas to the other. and in the end of find a nice quiet and beautiful place then I will remove my stained from humanity. in the end I guess nothing was worth it, we live and we die. I’ve done nothing with what’s in between just made one mess right after another. the sooner I can do this the better I think. all I do is hurt people all I do is hurt myself, maybe by removing myself I will inevitably right the wrongs that I have done. maybe I can correct it in the end
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I feel like this too, so at least you’re not alone. I am always making mistakes, hurting the people I love… and of course getting hurt back. I’m sure one day one of my mistakes will kill me. Id like to travel too.. I see Europe as my place to start, who knows where I’ll end.
never blame yourself for doing your best. if your best doesn’t satisfy you then change yourself to change what your best is, self revolution can come from adjustments in anything, from environment, relationships, constraints, occupations or self reflection.
I can’t keep fighting anymore I just give up, it’s an endless repetitive cycle and I can’t do it I just can’t do it
you can only keep fighting if you have a reason to, do you have a reason? do you want a reason? your life has been anything but a repetitive cycle from what you’ve described, life is unpredictable and just as many ‘unfortunate events’ have unfolded for you there is the chance of fortunate ones unfolding in the future as well. Life is an endless cycle of experiences, but although you may think they end the same they have the potential not to be. Everyone is dealt different cards in life, some more difficult to manipulate than others, the trick is playing your cards right. You have many opportunities and abilities, you are not in a corner where your cards are completely useless so the only option is throwing them down, you just need the motivation and stability to formulate a game plan. You may have logistics mapped out in your future but do you have emotional and sentimental plans? Life is only worth living if you want it to be, there are many good and thrilling things to experience in life despite adversity, do these things outweigh the negative? it’s subjective. if there are things you love in life then there is meaning in your life.
No i do not have a reason to live, i wouldnt want to end it if i had a reason to live, at one point i had a reason to live, now that reason is gone, ackerman i cant and wont stack my life on maybes, my fortunate events have all ended unfortunately, im not going to gamble with it. my cards are completely useless, they always have been. what is the sense of playing a game with a pre rigged set of cards your opponent selected? ive never had stability stability is not a luxury that was made for me, i dont think i want life to be worth living anymore, its just been to much, to much shit and its not real anyway so why should i put up with it?
if that’s the mentality you have, yeah, nothing is ever going to get better and nothing can help you, don’t complain about it
Try not to be to hard on yourself.
I have problems with people too, I don’t get along with them to much.
I want to live in a quiet place, full on nature and beauty, and be there alone.
And you know what?
One day you will get there, not today, not tomorrow, but someday.
Now all you can do is improve yourself to become better to yourself.
And after that, try to “fit” you a bit to society so you won’t get hurt by them and they won’t get hurt by you.
It will take time, but you’ll make it in the end :).
Just keep on going.