crazy

I have quitsmoking and drinking so i can b baptised. But everything is so fucked. I have zero hope. Zero desire. I dont even know if God exists. If he does y doesnt he intervene? Answer prayer? My son is probably schitzophrenic. I have tried to help him. Its impossible to get good metal health help. Only bad people succeed. Doing good gets me know where. I have 7 kids. My oldest is a witch to me and abuses me verbally and emotionally because her childhood was shit. If i olan something its fails. If i try i dont succeed. I just wish i would die. I fucking hate everyone and everything. People r fucking assholes they r mean and uncafing and selfish. And i still smile at them and tjey still return it with an evil or unkind look. I wish theyd fuckin die. Fuck it all. I hate every fuckin thing