It’s just that I’m thinking a lot about riding this job for only long enough to repair the roof, the floor, mow the lawn, move the stuff into storage,  Okay so that puts us into this time next year. Yeah I think that’s where we were.

I just don’t know if the job can last that long is all. So what I fill the other 10+ months with is going to be amusing. This is what is so amusing, because technically the company already bought those months. As in, they should pay for them. I spent the amount of time I would job hunt for a […]

GRRRRRRRRRRR
-_-

“Deaths of Despair” has more than doubled in the US over the past 20 years. Hell- Look at from 2014-2021 – in only a 7yr span- the rates skyrocketed. WTF happened in 2014?

I mean on the one hand- depression has FINALLY gotten more attention- and bc so many more “normal” ppl are getting it now, the stigma- while still very much there- isn’t as bad as it was 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, or 30 years ago. The stigma with depression was as bad as say someone being gay back in the 80s. The stigma decreased a lot […]

I seem to have made it over the difficult part of not drinking. Things have calmed in my mind, and I now have a clarity that I havent had in a long time. Ive been 100% sober from everything for about a month now. 26 days today.

Im so grateful that Im free from it. I didnt realize the hold it had on me, or how it was affecting me inbetween the moments, when I wasnt high or drunk. I have a great clarity now.

I am dreaming in my sleep again, and they have been very vivid dreams. I experience them as if Im awake, and […]

Me- some unopened drinks and frozen bacon from 6/24. Yes, a whole year ago lol
You?

I’m a bad person, I’m selfish, and I am disappointed in the person I’ve become
Im twisted, ungrateful, and stupid
I accomplished a life goal at 30, and now I feel empty.
I’m chasing a feeling of love that is not needed

If you rule out what actually seems meaningful… if it seems impossible, or so unlikely that it’s not worth pursuing… and you don’t want to kill yourself, because you’re terrified of death… then what’s left?

I think it’s a kind of stasis. I want to just sleep, endlessly. A peaceful sleep of contented dreams, rather than what I experience currently. To just drift through time, till the end of time.

I suppose maybe it’s the kind of experience you get on some drugs, but without the addiction, come down etc. If I had the technology to be in a near-permanent state of artificially induced peace, that would […]

Been living on my own the past 2 months now, there’s good and bad.

Finances are always the problem though.
I’m terrible with money, but I really don’t buy that much. Most of the money I make goes to bills and food.

I’ve been keeping up with the important bills for the most part, but have an empty fridge. Been sacrificing food quality for cheap meals to make sure I can keep up with bills.

Don’t know if I’ll ever retire. I have no kids, no wife or gf, not sure what I’d even leave for future generations. I’m nowhere near buying […]

What percent of America is depressed?

“Approximately 8.3% of U.S. adults experience a major depressive episode each year. This translates to about 21 million adults. The prevalence of depression is higher in females (10.3%) than males (6.2%). Additionally, depression affects a larger percentage of younger adults aged 18-25 (18.6%).

The prevalence of depression varies by state, with West Virginia having the highest reported prevalence (27.5%) and Hawaii having the lowest (12.7%). Depression is also more common in those with lower incomes, with over 20% of those with family incomes below the poverty level experiencing depression.”

–only 20%?

These are the most depressed states in the U.S.:

1.West Virginia (29%)

Can you tell me your top 5 reasons why your life and the world is great and 5 reasons why your life/the world sucks

Hi all,

I’ve been a lurker on the site for a good while, I first came across the site more than 10 years ago I’d say, and started visiting frequently in the past year or two. I sometimes saw posts that I wanted to comment on but hesitated, but eventually figured I might as well create a post, even if it’s pretty bad.

My life is pretty bad, and pretty empty, and my mind is usually heaving under the strain of constant thinking…I think of it like an old computer that’s full of files and is sorting through them in the background, meaning that the available memory […]

what do you do with it?

Just a light-hearted post.

Me- I’d keep it, unless I saw someone actually drop it.
Me- What I’d do with it? Probably buy some me some “nice” food somewhere. I know, $20 ain’t fine dining, but whatever. Or some ice cream… 😛

You- ?

What would it be?

While money won’t 100% take away my depression and all my issues, it sure would help eliminate or reduce a good 80% of them. Money IS important. Money DOES make one “happy,” either directly or indirectly (by reducing stress, etc).

Anyone who says “money is not important” is either well off, never had to struggle, had parents who always took care of them, or are in denial.

Anyways, I wish I had 5 Million USD (or Euro, or Pound, or KWD) so I can just bounce and do whatever I want and go wherever I want. Ah…won’t that be the life, to not have […]

Really, even though I got off early today and was grateful for it, that gut urge to run was still with me. It’s animal, deny yourself too much I think is part of it. As much better as I am, I’m working too hard still. I got caught at it, it really is my biggest flaw to run myself down physically and not be at my physical median at least half the time. We talked about professionalism in the opening course, I know my health isn’t professional….

See, work/life balance isn’t professional, because one makes more demands sometimes. When work does, it is always abusive, and […]

And all the rich assholes that make life hell on Earth for us. Paying people the lowest possible wages, giving us the shittiest customer service reps who are fucking slow and incompetent. Spent 2 HOURS on Chat with SEVERAL agents, plus several more on the Phone. SEVEN agents later- And issues are STILL not fixed. JFC.

If talking to stupid and useless CSR’s for HOURS don’t make you want to blow your brains out, then you’re lucky.

19 days sober. Am I glad I havent drank or done anything else? Yes. I am very grateful for that. But I really need to vent my feelings. I was drinking to self-medicate. To stuff down parts of myself that arent at all compatible with my current life. And now that this buffer is dissolving away, its just all coming back. And the pressure! God, the pressure! I cant fucking stand it! I cant begin to express the emotional pain and the mental turmoil I find myself in. Guilt swallows me up with the same weight of a tsunami wave violently crashing down upon a […]

I’ve been treading water for so long, allowing myself to sink lower little by little. And there’s this struggle between the part of me that’s trying to be rational, and act like an adult. And the part that just doesn’t care, about anything.

Honestly, I don’t have the conviction necessary to end my life. Do I want to die? Kind of? Maybe? A lot of the time I don’t care to live this life. But that’s not enough, if you’re someone like me. I need to be sure, to ever go through with anything.

And rationally, until I reach that point, if I ever do, I need […]

I hate how evil and selfish and cruel people can be. I hate how they like to target people like me because they know I don’t have enough confidence to stand up for myself. I hate how whenever I try to tell someone about how helpless I feel they just tell me to fight back like that’s so easy. If I had a button to turn off the side of me that desires human connection, I would press it in a heartbeat.

And, yes, I know I shouldn’t take the things people say about me to heart, but it just hurts so much when […]

Deep in.

My dog died.

It’s not that I don’t take anyone seriously. It’s more that I take people a varying degree of seriously.  Ended up in the weeds for a bit, sorry. I feel like I’m barely keeping up right now.

Anyway. as nice as I am I think most people are full of shit. No matter how clever someone is, they’re going to believe in someone or something that I know is a grift, and then I’m going to have to think less of them. Adam Conover is a bit of a different breed, because he knows he’s an infotainment comedian. He’s got a bachelor’s degree […]