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so this is what im thinking

April 28th, 2017by winterofdead

I think I have enough time, since no one will be home for another few hours, I think I could. What’s worse, the problem I’m thinking of, is living or dying? I am terrified of the future, of living, but also dying and becoming nothing. So what is worse, living or dying? I want to, so badly, and I don’t know if I really want the future. I know how much pain is coming up, and there will only be more. Do my dreams even matter anymore? What, if anything, is holding me back? The answer: fear. Fear of living, fear of dying. What am …

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I Ruin Things

April 28th, 2017by Isolated

I ruin things. I can’t help it. It’s what I do. It’s who I am.
Every time something is going right for me i sabotage it on purpose. I don’t knowingly do this at the time but when I look back I know that I have screwed it up for myself and that maybe deep down I can’t help but do this.

I’m also a quitter. I quit things all the time. As soon as someone praises me on my abilities I quit. But as soon as someone tells me to stop, that what I am doing is unhealthy or wrong. It becomes an addiction. …

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it’s a war

April 28th, 2017by Patheticloser

It’s the whole world against me
I was too stupid not to see
Never saw it coming
Lost everything although had little to begin with
Everyone wearing that mask to hide the demon inside

Everyone acts like a stranger
I have to fight for my share
Nothing is fair or unfair
hurt too many times to even care

No one deserves my mercy
Everyone is my enemy
gonna fight till I die
with what little strength I have

Its a war, war, war, war
war of life and death
gonna fight to death
just to prove that I was not weak
I was just unfortunate

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Has anyone here ruined their lives so much

April 28th, 2017by eternaldarkness

that you think you can never get back what you had or were? Things that are irreparable? How does one live with oneself?

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So much pain inside

April 28th, 2017by eternaldarkness

I just wish to have never existed. I want my pain to end. I want my suffering to end.

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i cried

April 28th, 2017by wonderment

over a science worksheet i couldn’t understand. i just got so angry and frustrated i started bawling my fucking eyes out and punched a wall which hurt but it was worth it because my knuckles were red for a few moments. it made me feel strong

and when i looked in the mirror i had mascara running down my cheeks in long black snakes like a scene in a movie. it was pretty, actually, although my face is grotesque. i was snap chatting this guy (weird to bring up snapchat in a thing like this) and the edge of my black smeared teary cheek was in the photo. …

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i think i dont know anymore

April 28th, 2017by winterofdead

The last time things were like this, it was four years ago. I had failed, and when the sun had finally risen, I found hope again. I started new when I entered another school district, and I left those people behind. But they haunt me, and they’re still tormenting me as the ghosts in my head. I began to realize, just as slowly as I had fallen, that it didn’t matter what I did, or who I was with, or my situation. I would always feel this way, I can never change that. I tried to fight it, and I believed that I was okay, …

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Why am I so awful

April 27th, 2017by cloudy days

Everything I say or do is negative or forced or stupid or awkward or annoying. I’m just a generally shitty person and I can’t stand myself. There is a person I like but how could I ever deserve to have him like me or even deserve to want them to want me? I have no merit or value and when I try to speak my mind goes blank and I give a shitty generic response that I decide against as I say it. My friends say otherwise but what are the supposed to say?  You’re shit, we hate you, just shut up? Actually some people …

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Delusional Starseed

April 27th, 2017by BlueDiamond

For a while, i have researched the term Starseed. A starseed is someone who exists on earth, but their soul may have originated from another planet, star system, galaxy, dimension, or parallel universe. Yeah, it’s pretty much the otherkin shit. There have been reasonable psychological explanations such as the person suffering from schizophrenia, or suffering effects from what a transgender person would suffer from expect it has to do with species instead of sex. These psychological reasons have been explained for otherkin, and not for starseed. I don’t really hold strongly to the whole starseed, indigo, or rainbow people, or at least the logical side …

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Am I justified

April 27th, 2017by cloudy days

Are my reasons valid? Am I simply impressionable and irrational and angsty? Do I really just want attention or in some convoluted subconscious way do I want revenge? Does simply wanting to die validate that my feelings are genuine? Someone please tell me.

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Where Do I begin

April 27th, 2017by fishola

Wow. What a fun and horrific 28 years this has been. Sickeningly, I wish I could say that I came from an abusive family or that I was never loved nor cared about or was disadvantaged an unable to break out of abject poverty, but that’s not the case. I was/am overprivileged, have been blessed to travel and see the world, and for the most part never wanted for anything. So where did things go wrong? Decisions.

It’s a wonder how simple decisions…one after another can lead you from a life of bliss and happiness to one of misery and regret. Regret so deep it’s impossible …

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Everything in my life is broken

April 27th, 2017by eternaldarkness

I hate my life.
I hate everything that’s happened to me.
I hate how everything in my life is fucked up now.
I hate that there are no good answers or solutions.
I hate that I’m fucking miserable.
I fucking hate everything.
I hate this fucking world.

Words can’t describe how broken I am and how fucked up my life is now. No, I am not a teen who thinks their life is over. I’ve lived long enough to know and experience exactly how fucking shitty life sucks. I don’t know what to do other than cry and scream. I feel so much pain and anger, and this …

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Protected: End

April 27th, 2017by Trix

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I write to try and stay sane. What about you guys?

April 27th, 2017by prayforfreedom

I cry to myself as I slowly feel my days come to an end

Grasping for salivation only to notice I no longer have any

Although these tears I have plenty
I can’t seem to use those to wash away my sins
Can’t figure out just how to use them as glue

To piece together every inch of me that comes loose
As soon as my twisted thoughts come through
See my demons haven’t finished with me

They start with my soul, making it’s way to my self esteem, eventually nibbling at my bones until they wipe them clean
What do they want from

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I’m a little worried

April 27th, 2017by braiNsane

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Chronic ADHD

April 27th, 2017by _lost._.one_

Is this how I am forced to live? Yes. No. I don’t know. All I know is that this might be another forever problem in my life. Got any suggestions? Comment any adhd info or solutions. Had it since I was a kid.

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April 27th, 2017by foxinthesnow

I don’t want to be here. How did I end up here. I wake up every morning in pain, that I ended up here in this predicament. Why did you do this to me? I asked “God” to please don’t hurt me anymore. I have no way of surviving as in severe depression. I have such a hard, hard time even leaving the apartment. I can see the sky is blue today, I see the Cascades out my window. But I can’t move or go anywhere, completely paralyzed. So scared that I won’t make it , knowing deeply that I won’t make it. I …

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Help Wanted: Assistance Needed in Penning a Plea for Better Suicide Options

April 27th, 2017by SweetQuietus

Why waste a perfectly good suicide?

“Your Advertisement Here” Space available upon my person.

Help make my demise meaningful!

We’ll write an impassioned and flawlessly constructed plea to the public and legislature to take up the banner for suicide options for all manner of people here, including the terminally lackluster (*bowing*), the despondent, hopeless, jail evaders, option-less elderly, etc.

I’ll attach it to my person rather than writing it in indelible ink all over my body. I want to make a positive statement, not create a freak show.

Who will help me?

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April 27th, 2017by nepheliad

There are always lots of interesting people coming and going on this site with whom I would enjoy having a real-life, face-to-face conversation. Chances are that many of you feel the same way about those you encounter on SP.

Although we are limited by geographical distance, I wish there was some way that folks here could meet up for some kind of event like a Comic-Con for the depressed and suicidal. (Hey, you could even dress up in your favorite costumes if it made you feel better.)

I think an event like this could have the potential to be very popular, and you could probably get …

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I am not being allowed to die.

April 27th, 2017by pichu

Things didn’t go as I imagined them to. I was supposed to be dead by now.

I was sure some things would go wrong but they didn’t. And when they did, I gave myself time and things got better. It’s like nature makes things better for me. I didn’t even work hard to make things better. I don’t want things to get better. I wanted to die.

I have lived milestone to milestone, in hope that the day I don’t reach the milestone I will end it all. I hope I fail to reach my next milestone. But that milestone is 5-6 years away.

I want to die but …

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