I’m lost.

always

Searching for you.

so

I’m trapped.

sad

What am I even looking for?

death

Why am I doing this to myself?

death

Why cant I find it?

death

Why wont this end?

delete myself

I cant figure out the answer and i figured who better to ask then a bunch of depressed people. Ive been trying to figure it out for like a month ugh.

what is it like to be loved?i wouldn’t know. escapism has gone so far where i don’t think i can face the truth, that i’m still alive, in the world. i’m still all alone. nobody’s there to listen, nobody’s there to love me, nobody knows this side except for myself, and i hate myself for it.

i hate myself, oh my god i hate myself with every single cell in my body. the depressive episode ended and being alive has been a numb, grey process of eating, sleeping, playing games, and more, the things i hate myself for. i can’t release the shadows, i can’t feel […]

Hi guys,

Its been nearly two years since my last post and I’m in the process of therapy but its not helping me out the way I expected. Until 7 months ago I was physically and mentally abused for over 11 years and it has left it’s scares. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD and depression and I’ve learned to accept it. But the reason for my return is that I was about to attempt to kill myself again, but I used a technique I learned in therapy to stop my attempt. I thought of the last few attempts and I started crying, something that I never […]

May be it’d be better if coronavirus take me and I die.

I’m trapped in quarentine with a person of my family I cant stand.

Meanwhile my beloved is working in a hospital. He will have coronavirus sooner or later and may die bc he’s from risk group.

I cried a lot yesterday ?

After all this pandemia our world wont exist anymore. Everything will be different. I’m not sure I want to see it all, not without him. ?

When I was young and did bad on a school assignment or quiz my parents punished and yelled me instead of thinking there was something wrong with me. Now I didn’t just do bad every now and then, for example I would get a failing grade on an open read quiz because I just couldn’t focus on reading. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember with school work being complete hell my whole life. I am now in my senior year of highschool, and I figured out on my own last year that I have adhd. I found out that I […]

It seems like this thing we call society is made up of a vague impression of what everyone around us values, and how they think things ought to be, or how they think things are. I don’t like talking about society because it feels like I’m assaulting all the people who don’t fit into whatever generalization I’m thinking about, and reinforcing the reasoning of the people who do fit into that generalization. And I would never want to reinforce bad qualities in people who have them. I also don’t want to tell anyone what they should think or how they should feel about something according […]

I know I just posted earlier today, but.. don’t have anyone else to talk to.

My only friend leaves me on read. My fiancee ignores me when I’m upset and is generally kinda rude to me when I’m not, though I don’t think she realizes it. Shes been having a rough time, I know, but I feel like I’ve always done most of the work in this relationship.  I fetch her anything she wants, I try to be there for her when she’s sad.  I cleaned out her entire car for her when she was in the hospital. I painted things for her while […]

I learned recently that I have atychiphobia. At least I think I do. It makes sense. Although a part of me just thinks I’m lazy. And when it comes time to produce, I panic and get scared. My left side hurts. It’s like a throbbing pain. Oh well. I’m back home. University basically shut down so I had to leave. Oh well. Better than being in a dirty apartment. Also food. I haven’t heard anything from her in like two weeks. I text and call everyday. It probably comes off […]

I feel like I’m floating.  With the ebb and flow of the water rocking me back and forth.  Ears just under the water surface muting all the noise.  Afraid to take deep breaths or move too quickly.

At some peace but still feeling this close to being out of control.  Like one wrong move will just sink my body under and take the air from my lungs before I can do anything to stop it.

Floating in the middle of my life right now.  Ready to turn over and swim or just give up and sink.  I haven’t decided yet.  No one would care either way.

my grandfather is being stupid. my brothers are scared. my doc told me im fucked. and i cant do anything about any of it. my stress levels are through the roof and i want to give up and paint a picture on a wall with my brain cells. husband says wait until i see my doc again. i think i dont love him anymore. im stringing my friend along. i shouldnt even have people in my life. im too broken to be apart of the human race. i dont belong here.

Haven’t been here since 2017.  I guess since I’m back that must mean life is kicking my ass again, hah.

Gonna type some stuff out I guess. Do kind of an update even though no one here remembers me now, lol.

Well I’ve been self isolating but it’s really been no different than my usual day-to-day. I barely ever leave the house these days anyway.  My psychiatrist put me on a new medication a few weeks ago. Gave me some samples and I took them for a week before I found out I couldn’t actually afford the prescription at all, so that’s fun.  I’ve been unmedicated for […]

I just have had enough of being on the emotional rollercoaster . I just dont want to feel or do anything . I have had alot of emotional stuff most of my life and in the last month i have been dealing with a concussion as well.just havenot been hopeful and really sad and lonely. Just in a really bad space for a long time now . I just feel like life stinks right now and have for a while. Whats the point .

I have been having a depressed episode for a while now, so, I am back in here. I’m just asking bc its sad to be alone these times, and maybe some of you just want to hear/read it. so…

Have you been well? are you healthy? Have you been taking care of yourself?

I know we all feel that no ones really care, but, if even for a moment, i can care about you a little bit, will it make it better for you?
These lonely days have been hard, i know it. I know it, I know the pain, the loneliness, the despair, i know […]

Why do i continue to struggle? I’m not really sure what I did to deserve this, I know I’m nothing great but why this.

I’m a bum. All i do is sit around and feel sorry for myself. I’m everything someone would hate about themselves. Unmotivated, unhappy, anxious, self conscious, no work ethic. I seem to care about every little thing but at the same time nothing at all. I worry, I stress, I cry over how scared and anxious i am, but I still don’t do anything about anything. I sit around, I don’t try, I cry over being a failure, I hate being who […]

why is my sister such a **** to me. I do so much for her. I’m always covering for her when she fucks up. I’m always looking after her and fixing her problems. I don’t ask for anything when I do this shit for her. All i fucking ask is for her to treat be nicely and not like fucking shit. Why do i bother going all this for her if she can’t even say something nice to me. She can’t even thank me for it. It upsets me so much. I’m so pissed right now.

She’s in deep shit right now, and I’m here fixing […]

So lately I’ve been going through a lot my depression is really killing me and my family isn’t helping I’m 20 years old and I’m honestly trying to get out on my own but every time I have money I’ve got to give it up because my dad is in need of ciggeretts or we need food or for bills which im okay for the bills and food since I live here but for ciggeretts and other stupid stuff they honestly don’t need they are always up and leaving never saying where they are going so im at home withtheir 2 kids who are really […]