the lower i fall the more constructive i get.

today i had a very weird day. i slept quite well and woke up confused with a blank mind. eventually, after few hours, i started to wonder what happened, what would normally end up in my mind if it didn’t go blank.

i recalled, that yesterday, before falling asleep, after about an hour of thinking, i concluded, that i could still kill myself, solely in an act of rebellion against fate and myself.

so then, when […]

I really want to go. Yeah I’ve made up my mind. But I’ll have to keep existing in the meantime.
I look forward to nothing in this life, nothing nothing nothing.
At least I have my mum.

I created an imaginary boyfriend. Yeah I’m pathetic.

I suppose it doesn’t matter much. It won’t make a difference if I do it right or wrong because there won’t be anyone to notice. If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it does it make a sound? If a lonely person dies and no one notices did they really live?

In short, dumped, evicted and unemployed and no gas in the tank. Its been a good 54 year run. Dad passed at 5 mom at 29, both of cancer. Dad just vanished one day when I was sent to my aunts for a weekend. Hospice and all that. Karma gave me the experience to participate with mom. Home care til she passed, delivered the dose personally to spare my brother the guilt. She was beyond recovery.
14 and heartbroken by a girl, let’s call her Kara. Who knew tylenol from aspirin at 14. Ears rang for 3 days but lived. Washing it down with nyquil […]

I don’t think I want to feel okay anymore. I think this is fine. it’s good enough.

What is there to live for?

I wish my life didn’t suck so much.

I don’t have anything- bad health, little money, no job (disabled), no purpose, no partner, no real friends, I’m all alone with no reason to go on living other than the fact that we can’t easily and painlessly take our own lives.

I can’t enjoy anything bc I’m too sick to! Every day I wake up tired and fatigued, little energy to do anything. Can barely do the basics (shower, brushing teeth, etc) without feeling wiped out. And no, I have physical issues so it’s not just “go out for a walk, go exercise, go be […]

So Gary doesnt want me. He more than likely sees me as a freeloader since i said i was tryin to get on disability. No mf, because ive had 5 diff jobs in 1 yr thanks to my paranoia!!!! Im gettin older and my mental illness gets crazy at times n i cant afford to lose more jobs n be discriminated against so ssi is there for a safety net reason!!! Not so i can sit at home forever. Fml im so tired of men and their assumptions of me, treatin me like sh*t, makin me begged to be loved because apparently im unloveable cuz […]

I came out of the closet about my schizoaffective disorder to a few people. 2 guys im interested, 1 hasnt said anything n i think i scared him. The other is accepting of it. Told my sons step mom in case my sons therapist asked about family history. Im not in denial. I know i will make or break a situationship. But i shouldnt be punished for somethin i cant physically control. I am on the shots, im seein a therapist and a case manager and prescriber. So i am gettin help to get better. But the ignorant people will believe what they want. This […]

I wonder how many people here struggle with BPD, either as a sufferer or a loved one of someone who has it. People who do–what do you find helps, if anything, during difficult moments?

I am slowly dying.
Dying from the inside out.
I’ve lost my purpose, desires, goals. OOMPH.
I feel I am but a clump of dirt, or sand, simply whisked away when the wind blows.

It is a horrible feeling, when you’ve lost who you were.
What am I now? Nothing. At least nothing functional. Nothing happy. Nothing resembling the ME that I once was. There is no more spark. Only a zombie remains.

I have tried to get it back for years, but after 15 years, not only have I not been able to get it back, but that light […]

on Wed, 14 Jul 2021 14:14:42 GMT, something happened to this site, and it introduced a number of glitches, the worst of ones is that the box to enter the title disappeared from the main post editing form. it may be some incompatibility with favpress, but i have never played with wordpress so i don’t exactly know what’s going on.

I can’t live like this. I won’t live like this. I wish I could of been some help to you but I dragged you down with me. Forgive me.

I have a problem comparing myself to others. For example, I cant watch shows like America’s got Talent, the Olympics, or even cooking competion shows because Ill sit there and think that I havent done enough with my life. It makes me feel talentless and subpar. Beyond TV, Ill do this with other people I come across day to day as well. Maybe Im just complaining here, but wanted to get it out somewhere I guess.

still unable to make titles on posts.
SP ADMINS: please fix, thanks.

-edit:
i finally tried a workaround a commenter posted below, but it shouldn’t be this complicated just to put a title on our posts.
-edit:
also unable to show paragraph breaks in our posts on the main SP page. it will show when we are editing it and when you click on our post, but not on the main page. It shows everyone’s posts without the paragraph breaks, so all our words appear to be one long paragraph.

i am 30 years old from New york queens. Gambling ruined my life along with a toxic relationship that completely sucked out my personality and changed me. Because of gambling, depression, and that relationship i now literally have no personality. I feel like i make people uncomftorable being around me because im always quite and barely talk and people notice that they tell me. Anyways ive been thinking about suicide for years im done living this way. im done being depressed and lonely and feeling misunderstood. I am officially done waking up everyday wanting to end my life and falling asleep everyday wanting to end […]

Everything in my life seems to be going great. I am looking at colleges and can go wherever I want pretty much because we can afford it so i’m very lucky in that way, I have a job where i’m outside doing physical labor which I love, my friends are great and I have very close meaningful relationships. Yet despite all of this just because of one girl my entire world seems to be falling apart. It has been what seems like 5 months since we broke up, but I just can’t find that sense of comfort I had in that relationship. At this point […]

Yeah, basically I’m sick of being sick. I don’t want my life anymore. I don’t want to talk about it, I know it can’t change. I don’t want someone telling me I’m loved or wanted because it’s a fucking lie.

I have no one. These support lines are bullshit. All I want is a fast way out of my body. I don’t want to be here anymore.

I keep reading articles about people successfully completing and I just want to know how they did it. Am I stupid for not knowing how? Am I just a coward? How hard is it […]