Â I have a house and a family, enough money to live on, a nice school, quite a few friends. Why then am I still not happy? Am I selfish? Or greedy? Or arragont enough to think I am better than other people?
I do not think I am selfish, I may be wrong, or greedy or arragont. I do not think I am better than any one else. On the whole I think I am much worse. I do not deserve the many good things I have, a family and such amazing friends as the ones I have.
Since I was agedÂ 8 and lost my Gran to lung cancer, my eyes have been opened to the suffering people endure everyday. I loved her very much. When I was walking to school I would look for her hiding behind the postbox, or in the car. At that age I didn’t understand she would never again be at my birthday party. From then on my family has had a lot of trials, my best friend died in a road accident, my Godfather died, my Auntie had a full hystorectomy due to an ovarian sist, my other Aunt (her sister) had a burst appendix that turned gangrenous and so almost died, then last July my cousin died in a rock climbing accident. He fell 15 metres onto uneven rock, he fell on his back but bounced onto his unprotected head, his skull was crushed into his brain and died 2 weeks later. Those weeks were the worse of my whole life.
Though other people have been through worse than me, to me this is Hell. Watching the people I love being taken from me. Them but never me, me who is not a good person, who does not cherish life. The only explanation I can give is that I am a bad person, they have been taken for me as punishment. When I tried to explain this to my friends they didn’t understand me. How can a 14 year old girl, who has never killed or stolen can be a worse person than someone who has.
I have made countless journeys to hospitals, for patching up my cuts, burns and other injuries, and clinics to help me stop hurting myself. The clinics haven’t helped me so now I am trying different things, this project being the first!