 I have a house and a family, enough money to live on, a nice school, quite a few friends. Why then am I still not happy? Am I selfish? Or greedy? Or arragont enough to think I am better than other people?
I do not think I am selfish, I may be wrong, or greedy or arragont. I do not think I am better than any one else. On the whole I think I am much worse. I do not deserve the many good things I have, a family and such amazing friends as the ones I have.
Since I was aged 8 and lost my Gran to lung cancer, my eyes have been opened to the suffering people endure everyday. I loved her very much. When I was walking to school I would look for her hiding behind the postbox, or in the car. At that age I didn’t understand she would never again be at my birthday party. From then on my family has had a lot of trials, my best friend died in a road accident, my Godfather died, my Auntie had a full hystorectomy due to an ovarian sist, my other Aunt (her sister) had a burst appendix that turned gangrenous and so almost died, then last July my cousin died in a rock climbing accident. He fell 15 metres onto uneven rock, he fell on his back but bounced onto his unprotected head, his skull was crushed into his brain and died 2 weeks later. Those weeks were the worse of my whole life.
Though other people have been through worse than me, to me this is Hell. Watching the people I love being taken from me. Them but never me, me who is not a good person, who does not cherish life. The only explanation I can give is that I am a bad person, they have been taken for me as punishment. When I tried to explain this to my friends they didn’t understand me. How can a 14 year old girl, who has never killed or stolen can be a worse person than someone who has.
I have made countless journeys to hospitals, for patching up my cuts, burns and other injuries, and clinics to help me stop hurting myself. The clinics haven’t helped me so now I am trying different things, this project being the first!
4 comments
Hey,
What you said makes a lot of sense actually. I’m 16 and can relate to some of what you’re saying. I wouldn’t compare your problems to other people because that’s belittling your problems and indirectly saying that they aren’t as important. I know it might be hard to think of yourself as important when you have low esteem but it’s the first step in recognizing you do deserve help and your problems are worth listening to. Also, about your friends here’s a tip: 14 year old girls who haven’t been touched by tragedy, or anything remarkably life moving have an even harder time understanding psychological turmoils. I’ve been to clinics and personally, they do not do anything for you UNLESS you make that first step in changing your thinking. You have to decide when you’re worth getting better. Once you decide that, everything else falls in to place.
Hey, please email me at lostlife911@yahoo.com. Please
Girl,
What it counts, is that all of us are a soul. Souls never die, we move into this world, and then we go to another world when we die.
Your body, is like a car, a car can’t move by itself, it needs something at it’s command, so is our body, and who command the body is the soul.
What you see is people leaving this world, but not ceasing to exist, they leave their “car’s” behind. Most of them had already run out the the “car”, and is harder and harder for they to live, so they go back to their soul form, and the to heaven.
Have a nice day,
James
I have burned myself, cut myself, all of it, im not proud of it. But i understand that sometimes they just don’t get it and twist your words to make it seem less big or different problems, from what i see you have had so much loss in your life, you just don’t know whats here one minute is gone the next, so you cut in order to make sure ur still here… now i may be way off but I’m trying. O btw i’m 15 i get it.. wana talk email me or anyone else on this site they want to help you! and may get it a lil more, and sometimes it’s a lil easier to talk to someone like a professional when you’ve already talked about it with someone else : ) good luck!
helper
skyhandy@charter.net