hi?

hi there im lily. im the age of under 18. if your on here just cuz your bored or you actually wanna know, w/e i dont really care if your willing to listen then great! cuz id like you to know my story…

my life was and still slightly is wrapped up in lies. it was taking everything over. it was  making me into something i wasnt and getting me into alot of trouble. it was getting me down that everything i talked about wasnt real. i was getting sick of it.

then theres alan. hes now my ex but was my SPD (sadistic personality disorder) boyfriend. who was very abusive. hit me, kicked me, cut me, sexually harrassed me, threatened… he was ruining my life. even when we broke up it still continued. worse, i deleted all contact info with him so my parents at first didnt believe me. it caused me PTSD. and made me feel so bad

next, the friends. 4 friends of mine have died. 1 even killed herself when i was in the house. another close one accidently ODed on meth. i miss them all so much and pine for them alot. then theres my 2 closest friends who are really depressed and 10 other close friends who are messed up somehow. for some, im the only thing keeping them around. for others, ive saved there lives. people were always trying to force me to dump the messed up friends for new ones. i didnt. i couldnt

i got really depressed, tried killing myself. not successful. so when my parents were away. the person looking after us found out and all hell broke lose. she even hit me and yelled at me telling me i had no reason to be depressed and all. parents came home and got me help. i dont wanna die so much anymore. glad my lifes sorta looking up. we shall see, we shall see…