Hello. I am depressed. I need to go to a place where no one can judge me and yet I can tell anything too. In short, I messed up, I messed up my whole life and future. I was dating a boy for a year and a half and he didn’t receive enough attention from me. I was being beaten a lot from my father and I did not want to tell him because I was ashamed of it and I did not want him to get hurt as well. I wish I told him so we might still be together. After he broke up with me, he use the line “I think we should be friends’ I took that seriously thinking we could actually be something. 2 weeks later, he finds another girl, who’s smarter, prettier, and gave him what he deserved. I felt so sick to my stomach and yet I still tried to contact him. I was foolish, and was alone so I too rebounded after 3 months. I ended up falling for him but in November, my ex contacted me again and I was mixed up and confused and thought he wanted friendship. I was too stupid to know he wanted more, he kept saying he missed e and stuff and one day, we went to a mall and he just held me saying he still loved me. I was so confused. I became confused with my new relationship, my current boyfriend, the new relationship, treats me so well, he is so kind and wonderful and I betrayed his trust. I slept with my ex, told him I loved him while i was with my new relationship, and vise versa.. I’m a sick and twisted person for doing so.. I also did the same thing with both.. I massaged both, cuddled both, saw movies with both, did the same plans, I was going out with both of them and neither had a clue.. All my life I never wanted to cheat.. but here I am breaking my moral back bone. and yet everyone tells me to forget about him. to not talk to him anymore. i hid this from friends, family and form both of them for 4 months, thinking for whatever stupid reason everything would be ok. Everything would be just fine… everything came undone and slapped me in the face. both were devastaed.. my ex especially. and now here i am.. clinging to anything i can get because im pathetic. I only recently started telling my mom everything, and now my current relationship knows the whole truth about us. My ex is frustrated with me and im pretty sure he left me.. why do i feel so upset with myself.. i choose my current relationship as the one i want to be with why cant i forget about him.. why.. i want to forget so badly.. and yet i cant.. i find myslef looking at him, checking my phone all the time.. thinking of him.. but when i think of him i don’t know what i feel.. and yet my current relationship has forgiven me for everything that I have done. Why? is he too nice? does he see I can recover? i cant write anymore.. im starting to hate myself even more.. I’m just pathetic. No one will read the writings of a whore anyways, its hopeless for me
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well i can releate to the whole dad thing my dad wasnt the best of figures he would come home drunk a lot when i was young and he liked to fight when he was drunk he was addicted to coocain since i was born got my mother hooked during my pregnacy so yeah he wasnt the greatest…… your x was a jerk to many people use that line and dont mean it i have used the line before but do all in my power to mean it and i tell the girl the real reason that im leaving them because ive fallen out of love and if you fall out of love with some one you never realy loved them in the first place……… as for the current your BF has forgiven you now you need to forgive your self i kno how you feel about your ex and cant stop thinking about him i am dateing a wonderfull girl who is nice but i couldnt get this other girl off my mind no matter what i did me and this other girl (sarah) had decided to be “just freinds” but im fucked up and cant be “just freinds” with a girl but any way we ended up messing around and my GF found out and forgave me it took me a while to forgive myself alot of hurtfull things ive done to my self and others in the prossess but it was even harder to forget about sarah but i got my GF pregnate (yes im going to be a 17 year old dad with a 16 year old GF) and ive slowley forgoten about sarah it helps if you dont have any contact with them i hope this helps you and if you need some one to talk to beneggs@hotmail.com is my email and before you even consider sucide think of the people you would hurt thats whats stoped me so many times
You’re not pathetic, and you’re not a whore. It’s so hard to find comfort when you’re depressed, and when you find any, you’ll want to embrace, whether or not it’s the “right thing to do.” Please don’t hate yourself. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve love, in whatever form you can find it.
Your not a whore nor pathetic… you are just a confused girl that has made some pretty big mistakes. I know how difficult it is to get over an ex and i understand why you have made those mistakes… If your current boyfriend is willing to forgive you and your mum to maybe you should goa bit easier on yourself and try forgiveness… Everyone makes mistakes it doesnt matter how big or small they are they are still made all the time so dont beat yourself up about it. If your not happy with the person you are learn from your mistakes and make yourself a better person.
Im not sure if what i have said will help but i hope it made some difference xx
i have to agree with laura and satan, your current bf has forgiven you, which probably means he does love you. your ex however ran away again. nothing against him personally of course, but it does look like your current bf cares about you more since he was able to forgive you. and you do need to forgive yourself. i know its hard, i have problems forgiving myself for even small stuff, but its necessary if you want to get past this.