My Ex Best Friend and Mate are Dating and When I asked Him out He Answer was: “He Wasn’t Ready To Date” But it’s ok to Date My Ex Best Friend and Not Me Arghhhhhh Grrrrrrr That Makes Me sooooo Mad
I’ve became so attach to online dating. I’ve met so many guys who I thought could be the perfect guy. The first guy I met was cool and fun to talk to. He’s name is Jon. We talked on the phone for almost a month. When we decided to hang out, he suggested to go to a hotel. So I agreed. I have a great night, but after few weeks passed by, I heard nothing from him. I send him a text saying all these things that I lost him as a friend. Few months later I met a guy on COD: Ghost. He live near me and was pretty good looking, but when I met him in person he acted like a gangster and talked like he had never been to school before, it was really a turned off. We hook up and after he told me he love me. It was so creepy that I had to block him. A month after that happened I met another guy online, we talked single minute of the day. I fell for this guy, but a misunderstanding happened and we are just acquaintance, but I’ll get to that story later. After 8 months of losing Jon, he came back. But I have met two other guys on Badoo. Their names are Rigo and Ariel. I met Rigo, we went on a date, and had sex in his car. On Wednesday I met Ariel, I went over at his place and had sex too. I haven’t heard from him since then. On Thursday morning I went to Rigo’s place and had sex twice, but told me out of the blue that I had to leave because his dad was arriving at 12pm. When we were in the car he told me “Aren’t we rushing into things” It literally threw me off, but I guess that was a sign that nothing was going to happen. That’s when I realized that I’m a used furniture, they just want to sit on it and leave. I really want someone who will stay and not judge me for what I look like. So piece of advice, “if you’re doing online dating, make sure you get to know the person before actually meeting them in person. Let them know what are your weakness and your insecurities and that’s when you’ll realize if he’s into you or just using you.”
– I’m the usedgirl who has been used by many guys. Thank you.
I am a 23 year old girl from India… I am an engineer and I am doing my post graduation now… I have a loving sister, an over protective mother and a really nice father… they love me indeed but out of all the love they have for me, they just fail to see how screwed up my life is…
I was in a really committed relationship for almost 3 years… And itâ€™s been a year since we broke up… HeÂ was my first and I wanted him to be the only one… here in India SEX is everywhere but itâ€™s just a taboo when it happens out of the wedlock…
It does many times and when things go wrong itâ€™s always the girl at fault… you lose respect in the society and people look down upon you as if you have done the gravest sins of all… Family elderâ€™s relatives everyone..!! You and your family becomes a mocking stock in social gathering let alone you are invited to one…
I was bought up a vegetarian… But I learned to cook meat for my guy… I turned a non vegetarian for him… he was a Christian… and I am a Hindu… he never asked me to convert… but I thought that it is something that I have to do to prove my love for him… After all no matter if itâ€™s Jesus or Ram or Rahim… there is only one god… just different names…
But after 3 years of dating he said that heâ€™s dumping me for someone else… which I now believe was just a lie to get rid of me… 2 weeks after he dumped me, I found out that I was pregnant… I asked him hypothetically what if I was pregnant; he said he wouldn’t want it… I had just quit my job for higher studies and I was still living with my parents, I had no other way but to kill my child no matter how much I hated doing it…
My life has been hell ever since… my parents never knew about my little affair, and they forced me to live with my uncle (my fatherâ€™s youngest brother and his wife) throughout my 2 year PG course… My uncle and aunt found out about my Ex and me and snooped around to find out other details including the sex and the abortion… they mixed it up with other false accusations that I am on drugs and that I drink and smoke.. They topped it up with a cherry and told my parents that I am a slut!!! My parents confronted me and I denied it all including my ex…(I still live with the same uncle and aunt who told my parents)
Parental permission means a lot here and they are not even letting me move out… every day I look at these people I have to laugh at their stupid jokes and dine with them, knowing the kind of things they told my parents… if it was just my parents I would have been alright… they told other family friends and relatives too.. Every now and then I get calls from my distant cousins and acquaintances asking me if the things that they hear about me are true… it hurts the most when they ask me about the baby…
I have begged pleaded and even logically asked my EX not to ruin my life… to help me out of this misery… he says that wants nothing to do with my life and I have to face the consequences of my action… he asks me to hope for a future and to make a new ‘friend’… he is out there having fun, partying and sleeping with other people, enjoying his life to the fullest and here I am suffering., every one looking at me as if I really were a prostitute.. I cannot attend a family function without strange glances and lewd comments passed at me… the worst part is the despite everything that he put me through, all the pain and cussing and rejection, I still love him very very much and I wish and pray every night to keep him safe and only for good things happen to him..
When I met him first I was very popular in college…I had many friends…I was ambitious and wanted to excel in my field… now all that is left is a vague shadow of the person that I was… family reputation is quite important in Indian society.. 95% of the marriages are arranged by parents and they do everything to find their child a good match… My reputation is affecting my younger sister too… My mother is forcing me to marry her choice and calls me selfish when I decline… she says that I am being a road block in my sisters life.. I cannot tell her what I am going through… I just want to run away… I was a fool in love and now everyone knows about it… I just wish I could escape the judgmental glances and mocking tones…
Ps: I donâ€™t believe that getting in a relationship and getting married is the ultimate aim of life… but I have done much for my ex, risked so much, I risked everything for him that I donâ€™t think I can do the same with anyone else… I just donâ€™t think I can trust anyone anymore… I just donâ€™t think I can love and loose myself in any one the way I did with my ex… Every time I even remotely try picking up the pieces and decide moving on, I see my babyâ€™s face and it all goes downhill from there once again…
I bought what I thought was KCN form an online dealer placed them in gelatin capsules and gulped them down last night…I went to sleep hoping never to wake up again.. But here I still am… this seems like a only viable option… I donâ€™t want to be a roadblock in my little sisterâ€™s life…I want her to be happy… it been a very long time since I have smiled… I have no friends… the only wishes that I got for my birthday this year were automated emails from my bank and my email account provider… I am just fed up of fighting and being trying to hold on and hoping to be strong…
I never wanted my life to be this way.. Is there any other way out?? I am going to try partial strangulation tonight… if anyone is reading this post I wish you would pray for me to succeed in what I intend to do tonight…
This isn’t going to be a long post…but if anyone else is dating a sociopath and is having difficult getting out, or if you have advice..please text me, I’m trying to get all the help and gain all the strength I can. <3
I have hurt so many people lately that I can’t take it. I hurt a girl I fell for because she didn’t realize that admitting your love to someone doesn’t mean your in a relationship. I hurt her when I started dating an amazing girl named Julianna that I realized I love even more. I just don’t know why I hurt people so much on accident. I feel even worse than I have ever felt. I am cutting even more than ever. I just don’t know what to do our how to stop hurting others. I am tired of causing pain which doesn’t just hurt them but also hurts me. I have started to become more distant from everyone. I need help. I need comfort. I need to be able to find some way to escape from everything for a while. I will not accept death though. Anyone have ANY advice? I have lost all appetite and don’t know what to do
This is my story, I would kindly like to ask you to not put rude comments. When I was a child I was mostly forgotten about. My sister had all the attention. My parents were both alcoholics, that forced my sister and I to be our own parents. I was probably about 1-3 I couldn’t take care of myself so my sister had to. My mom was a horrible drinker. She decided to pick us up from school one day drunk. As we drove back home my sister, she looked at me. Her face full of fear and turned around that’s when we heard the sirens. She got pulled over right after almost crashing into the side of a hill, which would have made our car explode. When the cops came up to the window she wouldn’t get out. My sister and I were both screaming at her to get out. Finally she got out after taking her last sip of alcohol she ever would drink. She was in rehab for 12 week. When she got out, she forgot about me even more. I was officially on my own. My sister wasn’t taking care of me anymore, she was all about the boys. She then started to abuse me. She would hit me and scream at me every day. My mother didn’t care. That’s when I started cutting. I actually got relief from that. Once I got to middle school the bullying started. You see I have a speech impediment, or a lisp. I cannot not pronounce my “s” I also have a forming stutter. I got bullied everyday. Them in year 8 I met someone. She was the most beautiful person I ever laid eyes on. We started dating, I got bullied because in my school there weren’t many same gender relationships. But I didn’t care I loved her more than anybody could possibly imagine. But she decide to end it. I was crushed. I cut again. But once my friend found out about that, he took me to the counselor. Then I was able to control it for a while. By the time year 8 was over a had tried to commit suicide 27 times. I only needed one person to stand by me, but she had left ad once again I was alone. I had no one. I still have no one. My family hates me. It’s like I’m an outcast I’m my own home. People are supposed to feel safe at home. I didn’t. I have bee trying really hard not to end it all, but sometimes it’s just really difficult. Suicide for me is what seems like the only answer. This is what abuse and bullying leads to. So stop bullying because anybody who bullies people are risking someone’s life. I have scars and attempts to prove it. Please just stop. My pain won’t end until I end it. But I can’t end it without knowing what will happen when I do. Suicide is a daily thought for me. Maybe someone out there will understand my pain..
Im not gonna try to post something extremely witty and dark and intellectual and poetic.. i just cant sleep again and im hoping that posting this will clear my mind and i could get some advice from people who possibly feel the same way as me. I could list every terrible thing thats ever happened to me and all the times ive tried to kill myself and all the addictions ive had but thatd take too long and im tired and lazy. So basically, im depressed, im bipolar, im insecure, im lonely, and i feel like nobody cares about me apart from my immediate family. Also i have very bad abandonment issues which makes dating hard and it makes me feel like im an annoyance to my dad because he left me before.. I feel like im overweight even though im underweight. I think about getting a boob job, extensions, a butt lift, lipo, and other surgeries and things that would enhance my appearence almost every minute and at least once an hour id say. I try not to let people know im insecure. I think my dad doesnt love me as much because im bisexual and not christian. I feel my mom would love me more if i wasnt so different. Really small things can make me burst into tears. Im not a hormonal teenager either and i dont get angry really im only ever happy sad or meloncholy. I dont have friends anymore since i moved. I had lots of friends back home but they forgot about me. I had a few a couple months ago but they turned against me. People at my school would always talk about me. They made fun of when i used to cut, my depression, how im suicidal, my piercings, my colorful ever changing hair, and the fact that im an outcast. At the end of the year i didnt have one friend there so im going to my fourth highschool next year. I dont think anybody could love me truly. When i look in the mirror i feel ugly even though a lot of peoplee say im pretty. I feel unappreciative for the things i have. Im not so much suicidal anymore as i really just want to know how to fix these problems and be happy. What should i do
So Iâ€™m 18, a senior in high school, and although most of the drama in my life revolves around my anxiety and eating disorders, family problems, or suicidal thoughts, for once I have a normal problem. Just typing those words felt fantastic. I have really strong morals, Iâ€™m honestly not sure why because itâ€™s not something I learned from my parents, but I donâ€™t know, I just do. I also have pretty high standards when it comes to guys, although Iâ€™ve had a few boyfriends Iâ€™ve always felt like dating in high school is pointless, itâ€™s just setting you up for a broken heart. I have this friend who is a guy, weâ€™ve been friends since the 7th grade. In 10th grade, when I developed an eating disorder he was super concerned and tried to get me to stop, but I refused and we grew apart. In 11th grade we didnâ€™t talk much, but this year weâ€™re really close again. We both take an online class 3rd hour so itâ€™s just the 2 of us and we have a lot of time to talk. Heâ€™s in my group of friends so we hang out after school too, but with a group of people. We flirt a lot, but the thing is he has a naturally flirty personality and so do I. He had 2 older sisters growing up and is used to being around girls, seriously so many girls are attracted to him because of that. We joke around constantly, but we can also have really deep and passionate conversations. He has morals equally as strong as mine and I find that so attractive. On Friday we went out with a group of friends for my birthday and the waitress thought we were a couple and we just went along with it. I like him a lot, but Iâ€™m not sure if he likes me in that way or if weâ€™re just really close friends. I know I should just ask, but I donâ€™t want things to be awkward! So have any of you been in this situation? If so, how did you handle it and how did it turn out??
Hi all, I am 17 years of age and is so closet to finishing highschool but I just don’t want to live and I don’t know why. I have been trying hard to find a purpose, or a joy, or anything to destory that want of death , for the three years that this lack of feeling appeared but nothing is working anymore. There is nothing eles I can turly change anymore, when you are six feet two, black female and as realistic as me … You become numb to the illusion of dating of marriage-it’s impossible- but that’s not why I amm depressed its just one of the many walls to one of many future path ways….the fake is basicly it hurts to be around people, watch tv, listain to music, to watch anime…. It just all seems like a waste of time…like school work and hobbies… It seems like I am working my butt off just to wake up with the pain of knowing I shouldn’t be alive people like me shouldn’t be alive…so joyless…. I am dumb but I want to be a robotic engineer, I am a huge perverted in mind,but ugly as hell in really life, I am innocent and naive but I dream of killing, I am super ambititiouse but super realistic…. I owe my family so much but they are better off with out me….. I tryed to kill my self back in December and promised I wouldn’t try again but I am falling deeper everyday… I don’t want to figth it no more….
I have always been a lost child in the wonders of how this world work, felt different, alone, unwanted. My perception of life was so different from others to the point I was unsure what the definition of life was… to me life was what we based it on what we create of it, not repetition and constant drills to form us into all similar beings. I never understood peoples fascination with money when I was younger, it was paperâ€¦ why did people fight over it. As I grew I started becoming more frustrated with the world in lack of understanding the point of it all? What makes a single being different? If I died tomorrow, how would that effect the world today?
I started dating a guy when I was 12 (around the time a begun to drink alcohol), seemed like a great guy, and understood me to the point I started to believe there was a point. He adored me, loved me… But I never knew what i was getting into till 4 month later he started punching me in the arms. I was considered a tom boy so I seen it as just a gesture. The bruises started getting more frequent, chipped teeth, black eyes, choking me to the point I was unconscious, this is what healed him in his frustration in understanding purpose, he began to discover control, power, dominants.
He liked it better when I cried, so I decided IÂ wouldn’tÂ cry, IÂ didn’tÂ want to satisfy him anymore, so to back fire on him I would laugh, and laugh when he started kicking my ribs, stomping on my stomach, punching my but only in the jaw so the bruisesÂ wouldn’tÂ show. This would go on for 15 minutes to 2 hours until I finally broke. He was always sorry and every time I forgave him and walked home with a sweater in 40 degree Celsius weather to hide the marks that he placed. The one thing that frustrated me is when the school begun to think I was having family issues when I was 12, I was beginning martial arts at the time so that would be my constant accuses. That all I remember in elementary school was the stories I would make up to conceal the true identity of my love.
When I was 13, my first suicidal attempt started from walk out in front of a train when my abuser ‘saved’ me from the pain the shredded metal ripping through my body, he held me down till the train past. He continuously let me know I was everything to him, the scariest point in my life when he put a knife to my throat and said, ‘if I cant have you, no one can.’ I’m not going to go in detail of those 3 year, I try to block them out every day not necessarily regretting it, sometimes I think I deserved it, its funny how a being can change you center of though and belief all by controlling it. How I see it now? We where 2 hurt souls unable to control are feeling, we just expressed it differently…3 years later i finally free.
At this point i didn’t know right from wrong, i constantly twitched when someone would raise there hand and never looked at men in the face. I was told to go to aÂ CouncillorÂ on multiple occasions because of my behavior, not bad, but unusual. My thoughts were, â€˜what can aÂ CouncillorÂ do other than listen to a story I cannot say, a simple pencil and paper can understand your true colors better at timesÂ becauseÂ life at times can only be understood as several shades of greyâ€™. 3 weeks after we broke up he called me 4 times a day; we had to block his number. I don’t know why I still cared for him.
Later down the road I met my my next savior, he was my everything, he showed me how to love again, how to feel… nothing this good last for long though; he left me for his best friend unfortunately, I didn’t blame him ever though, I was damaged and he helped me see a little life again. After that relationship I felt unwanted, that I didn’t deserve to be here…
I had a great family, my mom gave up a lot of life opportunities for us and doesnâ€™t regret a thing. Sheâ€™s the most amazing women I ever met in my life. My dad, well we had many rough spots in lifeâ€¦ me and him experienced a rough patch in the road and didnâ€™t know how to handle it, after my grandpa/his father past awake, we didnâ€™t know how to cope. We began to have a hatred for each other, called each other names and eventually I could handle it anymore. I moved out to be with my love, this lasted for about a month then I came back. I asked my mom if he asked about me, she said no. from that day forward I no longer called him dad for about a year. I know he hated me, sometimes I think he somehow blames me for the death of his father where I sometime back then I wish it was him and not grandpa. I always thought he was a selfish bastard, thatâ€™s the way it was unfortunately. It still hurts even today. I hope one day he forgives me, love you dad.
Then I left for school and moved about 3 hours away, where I began a new life in misfortune and disappointment. I went to a party and ended up blacking out, I woke up in a bed with someone I knew but not that well. He carried me home and I guess had sex with me. Month later I found out I was pregnant. I cried for about 2 hours. MadeÂ perpetrationÂ to get a abortion right away.2 weeks till the abortion I started feeling different, happy. Like I had a purpose, but IÂ didn’tÂ listen. I got the abortion, never told the dad due to he used meâ€¦ that day I killed part of my life, the best thing I would have had in my life. I killed it. I regret it every day that I killed my own child for my selfish needsâ€¦ since then, my world was held by a stringâ€¦ I hate myself for itâ€¦ I wish i could feel something, i feel nothing now, i feel hopeless, lost. I wish i could go back in time and save my child from my self. Because of this i no longer feel love, hope, happiness… death is a moreÂ suitableÂ option some days more then others. as the days pass faster and faster the option becomes more clear.
This crap is getting really old. My new boyfriend, the one afore mentioned, turns out to be nothing that i was expecting under pressure.
The story starts on Thursday after school. Im texting him and his ‘best friend’ takes his phone and starts a convo with me like she knows me. Being the polite girl i am, i keep talking to her. She then tells me she has feelings for my bf and so my friend takes my phone and politely tells her(under me) that there needs to be boundaries cuz were dating. This girl starts trippin on me and i leave with my best friend. She takes my phone as well and they get into this huge trash talking fight which ends when the girl kisses my bf then tells me my bf wants his phone back. By now, im so pissed but im in public so i cant do anything. Hes like ‘i have to tell you something’ “what” ‘she kissed me outta nowhere’ “this is — im gonna kill the ***** for hurting my friend’ thats what my bff texted him. We keep talking. Arguing really and hes like “i still have feelings for her shes my first love….” “we need to take a break before i can decide which one of you to make happy” and im like “whatever. Hope u figure it out soon”
Fast forward and im in my room. I dont cry anymore so i face my cement wall, turn up five finger death punch and repeatedly punch the wall. My hand is a giant bruise and im pretty sure my 2 knuckles are broken. My parents dont know yet and im going to tell them i slipped on ice and fell on my knuckels. I dont know whats going on with my bf. He ended up talking to me yesterday before the ‘best friend’ showed up and he told me they were going to smoke and hed text me later. And he hasnt. I also cut my arm 8 times, half the number of days we were dating. I think im numb at the moment thats why im not all depressed right now but its coming, i have 3 days of exams next week and im not going to study very hard cuz its so stressful
I just found this site via google and thought it might help me find some answers to what I should do now.
I’ve been having some serious depressions since I was 13,have been cutting myself for 5 years and had suicidal thoughts ever since.
I’ve been dating this girl for quite some time now and I’m seriously in love with her. The thing is that I’m feeling like I’m bringing her down,it feels like she is going insane and it is because of me. She realizes herself that something isn’t quite right with her and I’m too afraid to tell her that it’s probably me. I’ve started cutting myself again and she thinks its her fault,which it isn’t,but she doesn’t believe me. She is the only thing I have left in my life that makes me happy, I can’t leave her.I feel like killing myself is the only option I have left so she could live a normal life again.
You all were right. I should’ve made my ‘man’ choose earlier. But I guess it wouldn’t matter anyways. The girl he’s been dating for two years? Apparently they were engaged since September of two years ago. “Fiance Scene” it says on her site.
I’m shaking. I’m so upset, I can’t believe it. Should I believe him?.. Honestly I feel like I really am being strung along now. And like there’s no way out. I passed out my heart way too much. And look what happens. Every single time my heart just breaks a little more. And I think that this guy was my last chance to a happy life.
So… If people don’t hear from me for a couple months, assume I’m dead.
My name is Domino Jays.
And I’m one stupid fuck.
i love my boyfriend but…. he recently almost killed himself. if it werent for me calling the police he’d be dead. but now he’s mad and im sick of all this shit. i mean i love him but i cant handle this anymore. but if i break up with him he’ll kill himself. plus i know my other friend c. will ask me out and i like him. nowhere near as much as my current bf but i do like him and couldnt say no. and then my current bf would try to beat up c. (and hurt himself in the process because he’s not exactly strong) and then kill himself. and i cant let him kill himself. he’s my best friend in the whole world and without him here i would die.
i dont know what to do.
I want to die. I keep hurting people, and I try my hardest not to. I try to show everyone how much I love them and how much I care, but I suck at showing emotions.
My ex cries every time she thinks about me because I hurt her so bad. We had so many problems. I tried to be perfect. I tried to be the amazing person she deserved, but all I did was fuck up and hurt her time after time.
My ex and I don’t talk anymore, but now I have a new-ish friend, and her and I are just having all types of problems. We’re basically a clique of three: me, her (peaches), and our other friend (shortie). I’m basically fuck buddies with shortie, but shortie and I love each other in more than just a friend way, even though we’re not dating. I go out of my way to be nice and sweet with shortie, because I want us to be more than friends with benefits. But I don’t give peaches that same “special treatment”. Peaches knows this, and she’s just getting hurt more and more by the little things. I’ve tried to be the same way towards peaches that I am with shortie, but it still doesn’t work. I can’t do anything right. Peaches told me that I make her cry on practically a daily basis because of how much I hurt her. Shortie told me that I need to find a way to show peaches that I care, but I don’t know what to do.
We all live in the same college dorm building. If I walk to shortie’s room to say hi before going to peaches’ room, then it hurts peaches a shit ton. If I walk into a room and give shortie a hug before peaches, then peaches feels super rejected. It’s such minuscule fucking things that upset peaches.
I wish I could just stop hurting her. I wish I could just stop hurting everyone. I can’t think of a single person in my dorm building who hasn’t been hurt by me. I can’t think of a single pre-college friend who hasn’t been hurt by me. I try to be nice. I try to give complements, advice, assistance, etc. but I still manage to hurt people. Everyone is like “you’re so nice”, yet people are STILL getting hurt by me. I don’t want this. I just want everyone to be as happy as possible, and I know it could happen if I just wasn’t around to drag everyone.
If only suicide didn’t hurt…
So I’ve been suffering from depression for a little over 3 years now. My Girlfriend of two years broke up with me well over a year ago. Sob story blah blah. When that happened I threatened suicide, cops, recovery ward for a week. A couple months later, police again, suicide ward. That was over a year ago. Today, and I am not shitting you I decided my life was finally just about turned around. This of course was a slow moving process. Very… Slow. Guess what happens a few hours ago? She texts me! I’m finally about over this and she texts me! After a year of never speaking to her! WHAT THE FUCK? I think she’s dating someone IDK. AND BOOM it’s done, I have sunk a little lower, no where near as low as I was, but what the fuck is she doing texting me. Of course I still love her. Yeah yeah I’m 21 and young, but this girl changed my life for the better, then because of my depression she left me. So needless to say I instantly got wasted, completely and had an interesting walk to the gas station to buy some cigs. I don’t smoke. FUCK THIS. Now I have to hope she doesn’t text me again and start a few Steps back.
What should I do? Text her in a week or so and start to build our friendship?? Or should I back off and try continuing to live my life without her. Yes I was getting over everything, but I am still dreaming about her every other night.
I’ve always believed in God, but what kind of sick mind game is this? Unless she is single and we can get back together which is a one in a million chance. I can definitely move forward again. But I keep feeling like this is an opportunity to try and get her back! Thanks for reading if you got this far. I may get off here for awhile again so if anyone does comment I may not see it. But thanks for reading my post. If you so desire you can email me at email@example.com. But I won’t be expecting any emails.
Have a Wonderful Night!!! and if you’re depressed it will get better I promise!!!! It takes forever and when it does get better you might have a curveball send you right back down again like me yay!! If you’re lucky you won’t. I’m not lucky! Recovery all over again yay!
Since I was 14 or 15 I’ve detested living, but for the most part I’ve hung in there for other people. I tried back in 2000 (and obviously failed) to overdose on xanax. Apparently, I didn’t take enough. When I woke up I was PISSED. I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks. The last several years of my life have been as far from positive and happy as it can get. Lost my job and after living in another state for 16 years I had to move back in with my parents because I have NO money left. My father will not speak to me because he is ashamed of my depression and all he does is judge me. The last 3 men I dated I knew before dating them (2 were good friends before) and they all screwed on me, the last one who should have known better considering he told me I was his best friend, especially took the last bit of my soul and destroyed it. So now at 44 years old I’m unemployed and living in my mothers living room. Way to go! I’m back at “home” after being away for 16 years and I feel more alone than I ever have. I’ve got a plan and a huge stash of pills. I’ve picked out my headstone, epitaph and casket. I found this epitaph online and it suits me to a tee: Smart Humorous Irrelevant Tormented. SHIT. I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore. I’ve had enough SHIT in my life and it’s time to say goodnight for once and for all. I’m done living for the sake of others. People say that people who take their lives are selfish. I’m sorry, but I think people who guilt those who’s lives they don’t understand nor can relate to in any way are the selfish ones. If they understood how I’m anxious 24/7 and how there is absolutely no point to my being here, maybe they would get it.
It all started in September of 2010. Two years ago. We met.. He fell for me, and i didnt fall quite as hard for him. I was in a terrible relationship at the time, and he tried to save me.. But try was all he could do.. because i was too stubborn to listen to anyone. Little did i know, he was so in love with me.. it was literally killing him. After my .. lets say “rejection” towards him, he got involved with a girl who would call him saying “Im cutting as we speak.” “If you dont say the right thing in the next 2 minutes im killing myself” They never ended up dating.. But came close enough.. This was around the time he began cutting.
This all lead him to “4south” The place where the mentally ill teenagers go. Around here, we call it a phony insane asylum.. It helps NO ONE! In this place, he met another girl that he fell for. She was and still is deranged. She was admitted for jumping in front of a speeding car. He fell in love with her.. almost instantly.. She was Bulemic, Depressed, Suicidal, Bipolar, and many other things that he did not need in his life during a time he was trying to recover. He tried to fix her. He took her into his own hands.
She led him into a deep dark stage of his life that i never want to see him visit again. He was doing every thing possible to become admitted and see her…. The night my sister had her accident, he OD’d . We were quietly sitting in emerg. Waiting to be called in, when the most painful sight ever graced my eyes. In walked the boy i had fallen for over a year earlier. An intense feeling of sadness over came the room. Bright red blood was dripping from his arms, and his eyes had a hazy look when he collapsed to the floor in front of us.
This was the night i realized he needed me in his life. I wasnt stable my self, seeing as i suffer from manic depression and anorexia, but i would help him…. I was determined. He still does not know this, but i cried myself to sleep that night. He messaged me on facebook, telling me he had been admitted. The reason behind his OD, was her. She made him feel worthless, like he could not help her.. And this made him hate himself, due to the huge heart he has. The night he messaged me, put a spark to a fire we figured was gone out for good.
The day following his release, i payed him a visit. He promised me, that nothing along those lines would ever happen again.. I woke up to a message from his Mother, the next day that read…. “He attempted suicide again.. He hung himself, and i found him laying on the floor gasping for air. He was pronounced legally dead for 3 minutes.. But, he came back .. he is now in 4south. I do not advise you to go see him.”
Against her word, i went and seen the new love of my life.. His neck was a mess. His eyes were dull and faded.. This was because he didnt know how to break up with her, fearing she would commit suicide.
They eventually ended up breaking up.. Him and i became closer friends by the day.. We officially started dating on June 19th 2012. He has had a few rough times while being with me, but nothing huge.. He is now in treatment getting better, and is released in 7 days.. I have not seen him in 2 months.
I am proud to say, I saved him from a bad relationship. I saved him from suicide. I saved his happiness…
Thank you so much for listening.
Im dating one of the most amazing boys in the world. His name, i wont say.. due to people he knows may see this .. but lets get on with the story.
He was 14, and i was 13. He was dating a girl who self harmed, and this made him want to kill himself.. because after endless counts of trying to help her, it wasnt enough.. Him and i had been in love with each other for over a year. But no one knew. And we wouldnt tell each other our true feelings. Him and this girl met in “4south” the mental ward, at a hospital in my area. The only way they were able to see each other, was through 4south because they lived hours away from each other.. So, suicide attempts were a casual thing, to be able to see each other.
He and i ended up becoming close the day he came into the emergency room, the same day i was there with my sister.. He had blood dripping from his arms., and his eyes were hazy. It was an OD.. failed. We started talking immediatly after. He told me his feelings, and i told him mine.. When he got out of 4south, he hung himself that night .. The call i got was terrible. His mom found him. hanging. gasping for air. he was legally dead for over 3 minutes.. but, somehow and someway.. he came back..
he is still here, bettering his life, and doing the same for mine .. we are more in love then ever, and i could not be more thankful for him, and for him being here..
thanks for listening ………
I’m 24 years old and have been depressed since i was six.Â I was raised in a family where i could never be good enough no matter how hard i tried.Â I was always compared to my older sister because she did well in school, and was grounded pretty much from first grade till high school.Â I have tried to commit suicide several times, usually with something going wrong (or right according to some people).Â In high school i started cutting myself to deal with my depression as it became worse.Â When i went off to college i met this girl who was popular and beautiful and fun to be around, and for some reason she actually liked me.Â She and i ended up dating, but she became physically and emotionally abusive.Â She eventually broke up with me but not before berating me and convincing me that i’m worthless and a waste of life.Â Even though she left me i continued going back to her.Â She gave me several broken bones, dozens of bruises, and she cut me daily.Â Eventually she set me up to be raped by two of her gay friends, which sent me in a downward spiral.
Since then i have dated two other girls, one of whom treated me like shit after we broke up but kept telling me she loved me.Â The one, i thought she was the one.Â But it turns out she thought i was gonna cheat on her, so she left me and found another guy within days.Â And now i find myself thinking about all the things the first girl told me, about being worthless and how no one will ever be able to love me for me.Â I don’t know what it is that i do wrong, i try to be a good person.Â I’m even nice to people who treat me horribly.Â I’m constantly told i’m a great friend and that i’m a really sweet guy, i just don’t understand why everyone treats me like i don’t matter.Â My father doesn’t even talk to me anymore, he comes to see my brother and sister and virtually ignores my existence.Â All i think about anymore is about killing myself, and i’m afraid to tell someone how bad it is because i don’t want them to think i’m crazy.Â I just don’t know what to do anymore.