I’m not sure how to really do this but here I go:
My senior year of high school was the worst year ever. I was struggling in my classes, it wasn’t looking like I was going to graduate, my parents were constantly disappointed in me, tellling me to grow up, and I had few actual friends. My stress level day after day just kept rising and rising, until it hit the point where I had to cause pain to myself to lower it. I started cutting myself. For a while the cutting really helped. Then a friend saw the cuts and freaked out. She went around telling everyone, students, teachers, and my parents.
My Parents of course also preceded to freak out. They put me into counseling sessions, they locked any slightly sharp object in their room, and they would watched me like a hawk. The counseling didn’t work at all. I am one of those people who cannot talk to someone face to face very well unless I know I can trust you. I prefer to write out my problems and just let someone read them. He wouldn’t have this so I stopped going. After a while I managed to put up a good facade of me being a normal carefree teenager. I kept up the facade for a bout a month, then yet again the stress became to much for me to bear so I snuck went to a store and bought a box cutter, and then slit my wrist in our bathroom.
Well I didn’t cut deep enough (as you can tell by the fact I’m writing this) and I woke up in the hospital. Now my parents are trying to get me to talk to them about my problems but I everytime I start to they freak out at every little thing, and they won’t ever let me finish. I’ve tried talking to friends, but they started to ignore me. School got rougher, kids would stare at me as I walked down the hall, rooms would go silent when I entered and no one would talk to me if they could avoid it.
I suffered through the remainder of the year, and magaged to graduate. My parent’s have become less overbearing, which is making things easier, but they have been pushing for me to serve a mission (I am a member of the Mormon church) but I already know I can’t due to my suicide attempt. So now here I am a 19 year old, jobless and directionless…
3 comments
Hi, I just wanted to respond to what you have said. I have gone through similar things in my life, although I have never made an attempt on my life, I know I have felt the same. And I am currently an 18 year old jobless and directionless individual as well. It really is very difficult to believe in things when nothing is going right…and you feel as though it never will. But I know that there is hope…there has to be. I really wish the best for you…and know that you’re not alone.
find someoen you can trust. try and make a close friend you cant live without. im not gonna lie, its harder then it sounds but itll help. maybe go on meds? im on lexapro and its helping. your not alone, remeber that.
i read it all, i know it feels like other people don’t know how you feel; but we have. all of the people who stared at you, they’re all a herd of a sheep, they go along with what everyone else is doing. they make a big deal of everything because they need something/someone to nag at. try to do more things and keep yourself occupied, complete your goals; don’t fall now. if you kill yourself now then it will feel like all the years you lived was pointless, don’t make it pointless; make it worth everything and get the mind to succeed.