I’m so sick of feeling like this. Everything used to be so easy, yet now it’s so hard. I blame my parents sometimes. They made my life like this: unbearable. I hate how they hate each other. I absolutely hate it. I guess my story begins with their story.
When I was just six, Â I was introduced to Henry by my mom. What an ass he is. He tore me apart. He allowed my mom to do what she did. To cheat on my dad, to cheat on my family. And it hurt me because even though I was only six, I wasn’t stupid. I knew what was going on. And it made me so tough and overprotective. And I can’t trust anyone to this day.
How do you live your life unable to trust the world? I need a friend. A person who will be there for me. Is anyone ever going to be able to do that for me? How do I have a friend if I can’t trust anyone?
I can’t live like this anymore. My life really does suck, and I really  don’t know how much longer I can do this: I can’t fake that I’m happy anymore because I’m not. And I’m not my mom: I’m not a lier. So I refuse to pretend that I’m fine alone and by myself.
I’ve lived like this for eight years. I’m so lonely and I hate my life. I’m only fourteen. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
Please, somebody, help me.
5 comments
I’m sorry I wish I could help you more than I think I can by writing this. But you aren’t alone. I am new to this site to but already I feel a tiny bit better knowing that as alone as I feel I’m alone with others. Does that make sense? Probably not. I’m 17 and feel exactly like you. I lost all trust in everyone too because the person I trusted most hurt me more than I can explain. That’s not my only reason for wanting to kill myself but it does play a huge part. How are we supposed to go on if we can never get close to anyone? I really understand how you feel and if you want to talk you can email me at dmr191919@aim.com. I’m sorry you’re going through this
hey there, first of…. you can learn how to trust by letting go of things, not everyone in your life will cause harm. they are just things that happen in the real world and we have to learn how to cope with it. you can be happy, it is all on you, because you have to take control of your life. its your life, be happy. i know its hard, but you can do it, everyone on this site has the ability to survive through this and be happy. its all on ourselves, we choose to have grudges, to begs in unhappy, to let stuff bring us down, but we have to learn how to overcome these thin life. please hang on in there, survive through this bc you can do this. do it for me bc i care(: and i can be your friend if you allow me to.
I’ll be here for you … my email is jessette1994@yahoo.com
I don’t want you to give up . I empathize with you … what you’ve been through sounds very similar to me too , with the exception that my mom abandoned me practically until I was 11 years old . I know what it’s like to have a mom who’s a liar , and I know how conflictive it is to love her but hate who she is at the same time . I have a very hard time trusting people too , just because of the fact that I’ve been put out there so much by so much people that I’ve given my trust to , and it pains me that I’ve never said a word about them , ever .
I guess I’m lonely too , it’s hard being lonely in a world full of people , it’s hard to smile to friendly faces who deep down inside aren’t so friendly , it’s hard to put up with the facade . I’m 16 and I should already know what it’s like , I’ve lived too much in too little , seen too much with my own eyes , been let down too many times by the people I deemed loved ones , I’ve been hated unjustly for fabricated lies , I’ve had to deal with mental retrogression by my grandfather (who raised me) and would take out his financial and job-related and post-alcoholic frustrations on me , with no one I can say backed me up 100% since my grandmother would always try to be neutral and my mom is too hypocritical to stay in one side for long . I’ve been homeless for a point when I was 12 years old for a week sleeping in my neighbor’s backyard in an attempt to childishly “runaway” , which of course didn’t work . I’ve had to deal with the separation of my father , who would come and go from my life sometimes for years , and now that we’re reconciled his health is deteriorating quickly (he’s 37 years old and a type 1 diabetic since he was 15) , he lost most of his vision because his retina detached and the cells that reattach it together around the eye died . He’s one of the smartest men I know and never made anything out of his life . I was suspended in school for fighting for one of my friends who was fighting a girl who was hurting her badly (she was hurting her as well but she ended up with scratches) and I jumped in to defend her , and got a 10 day suspension , and the week after a very unfortunate event happened that I got set up in and gave me the “slut rep” and now she refuses to talk to me and completely hates me , because of an honest mistake that was perpetrated by the spur of the moment and my uncontrollable lonely feeling … it’s very hard to explain and I don’t want to get into detail … I’m sorry I’m making this so long , but I just want you to know that I understand . You’re not alone , and I will never judge you , and I will never judge anyone , it’s just not my way .
E-mail me when you feel lonely , I get you , I couldn’t be more alone if I tried internally , and it’s unfortunate that most people in the outside aren’t as compassionate .
Much love and pz ,
Jess .
i can help so email me tasiscrazy@yahoo.com
My life has not been as drastic as yours, but I do know how loneliness feels. I’ve been alone my whole life–even though my family is still together, we don’t know each other.
I also have trust issues; I trust a rock more than I trust my own dog with my secrets, and feelings, and life.
If you would like to talk, my email is blackswan1661@gmail.com