To many people, my life seems like a fairytale. I have an adorable boy friend, get straight A’s, have friends, have an okay family, and nice clothes. Countless people tell me I am beautiful but that doeskin make up for the haters who call me names and say im “easy and slutty” every day. I’m only 12 and I have had 5 boy friends. 3 of them were serious boyfriends and we went our for 3 or more months. I fell for them so easily and i regret doing that. My current boyfriend flirts with girls all day but says im “the only one who matters to him”. I don’t believe him, but i keep him around because I feel lost without him. My grades are basically the only thing that I feel proud about and I try to do anything to keep them in the A range, and recently they started getting worse and it tore me down so much I couldn’t believe myself, and I finally got them back up to A’s. My friends have started turning away when I want help and no body even understands how I feel anymore. I have more people who hate me than people that love me. My family life sucks. My brother smokes marijuana and I am depressed because of HIM. He doesn’t seem to notice and he could probably care less about me. My mom doesn’t trust me and I don’t get along with my dad. My Grandpa died a few months ago and I feel lost all the time now that he’s gone and I feel like I didn’t spend enough time with him and I absolutely hate myself for that . No one loves me. My clothes, everyone loves them. They don’t understand it either. I pay for all my clothes with my own money, my parents don’t support me very much. I’m only 12, and they treat me like im 18 and leave me to do a lot for myself. My life consists of worrying about my weight, and I get crushed when I step on that scale and break down every time. I’m 120 pounds and only 5′ 1″. Some adults weigh the same as me and are over 5 inches taller. I don’t understand. I try to tell my mom I’m depressed and she tells me to stop overreacting and suck it up and im not overwieght,or ugly.I’m fine. I feel like everything bad happens to me and I want to die but I would never let myself commit suicide. I’m too young and I thought things could change. I’m starting to think they never will change and no one cares anymore but I can’t kill myself. I dont have the nerve to do that. Please help, I need someone to talk to.
-I will survive. </3
2 comments
hey
don’t say no one cares anymore…you always have us to fall back on… my school life was not easy 2…you at least got to know what it is like to be popular…i onley was popular to be bullied…well i’m not traing to tell that your life is not so hard…no one shod be left alone like this and people shud look to the inside of other peopleand not only the oudside…if you want to talf…feel free (my englich is not so good but still…) i’m most of teh time online on this site since i don’t have anything else to do with my life…this is the only place i can relax and be my true self…i hope that you can be relaxed and youre true self here as well…
Trust me: someone cares. you know what? I care. so there. you can’t say that no one cares because i do. i think what you really need is to find something that you can do that’ll help get you away from your “stressor(s)” (as my health teacher would call it). for me it’s reading. it helps me think about other things rather than what’s going on in my life right now. maybe for you it’s singing or running or shopping or something. find something that’ll get your mind off of your bf and your grades and your family. something that belongs to you and to you only.
personally i think you should ditch the bf. that sounds harsh but it’s true. guys can just be GUYS sometimes. it’s ok if he just talks to a few girls but if he’s flirting with them then obviously he’s a jerk and he’ll just end up breaking your heart. (the sad ugly truth). you know i havent had a bf for about 4 or 5 months now? my reasons are:
1: to much work sheesh. with cheerleading soccer school and then everything else that’s just a little to much for me
2: who needs em? i mean we’re only teenagers. it’s not like we’re going to get married in middle school
3: sure there are some cute guys at my school but i know none of them are the one for me
4: psh. who am i kidding? i cant get one anyway… but thats not the point. i dont WANT one. sure i get lonely sometimes but thats what friends are for right?
i think you should get rid of your bf for a little while because it would help with the stress. it’ll make it feel like you dont have to deal with so much. and hey when you feel like you can handle something new you can always get that bf and start dating him (or someone new) again.
just something i hope might help you. sorry i know it was long but hey im a writer EVERYTHING i write is long. 🙂