I Love You

it all started when… well, I’ve had a shitty life in general. mom abandonded me when I was little, never even met my dad, so basically I lived in an orphanage all my life. and it really sucked. but eventually I do find a family, and they’re ok I guess. but I was bullied at school really, really aweful. that just made everything so much worse… I had 7 suicide attepmts by the time I was 13, but a little while after that I started doing better. went to consling, made some friends, and things were a little better. once everyone thought I was ok again, thing just sorta went away. no more consling, no more friends. then I met him. my now fiancé, name I won’t mention, was and is the most incredible man in my life. now, I completely understand if you think that I’m just saying that and he’s really not, but he really understands me and listens to me and is everything i’ve ever dreamed of. there’s only one problem, it’s that he lives exactly 1,199.4 miles away. so one night, a few nights ago, I got fed up with it all. I wrote a suicide letter explaining why I did what I was about to do, I wrote one for everyone in my life. when I was done, I took the rope I had and tied one end to the post on my window, and the other to my neck. I was litterally about to jump out when I see my iPod screen light up on my bed. I saw my fiancé’s picture appear, along with a text saying “hey baby, I love you :)” at that moment I knew that I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t force him to live in a world without me. I mean, ok he would commit suicide the moment he knew I was dead (it’d be easy enough, he’s had 19 attempts as it is) but that would mean taking him away from his family and all his friends that loved him, and I knew I could never be that selfish. so I untied it and texted him back, and then yeah. so right now, I’m in consling again and I’m on antidepressants. I’m visiting him soon so I’m super stoked, and I guess my life is getting. better. I’ve realized that I have friends and family that love me and there’s really nothing else I could ask for. so that’s my story.