friends huh…

well since im clearly not the most confident with person with the oh so bright personality, i seek the few appraisals from my friends that i can get. i help all my friends not completely because i think that i should but also because deep down inside i want a thank you to make me feel bettr about myself. all these years when ive helped ppl thats wat i probably really wanted. but, the worst thing that can happen is when u reach out for a friend who needs help and they shoot u down. this isnt one of those oh u can sense it cuz ur such good friends. this is one of those they wrote down y theyre sad moments. i thought we were pretty good friends and so i came to help. i asked if she was feelin fine. she said no. and so i asked if she wanted me to cheer her up. everytime she just says sure. ill take that as an invitation. makes me feel a bit insecure but ill take it. now that i hav that, i ask her if she wants to talk about it or she wants a funny story like she usually wants (yes ive helped her alot in the past). instead of answering, she says, isnt it late out? arent u tired? i say no i dont sleep during the night time. wrong answer cuz now that i answered her question, i cant say anything. so i decide to do the awkward thing and ask again. instead of answering me, she tells me how was my day? …ok if she doesnt want me to help her or if shes uncomfortable, just say it. i dont want to go around chasing after a problem that doesnt want to be helped, atleast not by me. friends…sometimes they just arent always there for u when u need them. in fact, they never are. im so desperate for these praises that i chase them. now im taken for granted. everyone dumps their crap on me which i dont mind…but whose there to take my crap? no one. even my best friend. and in some cases, they do worse than take u for granted. they just flat out reject u. friends huh…