I don’t know what to do with myself any more. Everyone is putting pressure on me. I have been depressed for quite a long time, but I have to pretend that I’m happy in front of my family and friends because it’s what they want to see. No one would like to be around a downer, so I have to work my ass off to be a straight A student in order to make my parents feel proud of me. I have to cover up my scars and fake smiles so that my friends would not think of me as a freak or maniac. Hey, do you know how many nights I cry myself to sleep and how much I want to be dead. I have wanted to kill myself, but then I am worried how my family would be influenced. I don’t want to hurt them. Each day I wish I would get killed in an accident or have a terminal illness or someone would just murder me. I don’t give a shit about how I would die. All that matters is I AM DEAD. Just get it over with.
2 comments
that is alot of pressure but its never going to get better unless you talk about it
Little that you know perhaps,..people (souls) like you usually have much untapped potentials that not so many people have, including your family & friends.
Believe me, I’ve seen & observed all kind of personalities & characters from movies, from real life, from my friends, from personality tests, even scientific researches etc etc.
You’re like a small, beautiful seed,
that unfortunately grows in not the correct pot, not the correct weather & sun & environment..
but know that once you CAN manage to get out from that environment (somehow, by your own or by some help from other(s) or by some miracle, etc),..and finding the right pot, weather, sun & environment,..then that little seed of yours will truly flourish, even be fruitful and produce lots of fruits.
The question is always the same:
Do you want to take the risk for the Change? (ie: change environment, change location, confront your family & friends, etc),..because Change is always NEVER comforting initially! that’s why it’s called Change. it’s not in your comfort zone, it’s a NEW “territory” basically,..but in the long-run, it might be hella worth it to change the same bad things…you’ll never know if you don’t try.