This is my first post on this website. I was searching for a line from a movie when I found it. It kind of reminds me of the website in the book By The Time You Read This I’ll Be Dead by Julia Ann Peters. I think this website is exactly what I need.
So basically it all started in 2009 when my cousin Timmy, who had brain cancer, started getting worse. It wasn’t noticeable at first  but then his symptoms started showing, such as his inability to see straight or talk. He seemed fine until after his 8th birthday on June 24th. So my mom, grandma and I left Minnesota where my uncle’s family lives and came back to New Mexico. We got a call in late August saying that Timmy had about a week left to live. We flew out to Minnesota and spent about a month their pitching in to help with Timmy. He passed away on September 20th, 2009. Now, I get that this isn’t the end of the world and I should just move on. But Timmy was like a little brother to me- he was even more then that. After that my life has been a downwards spiral. My neighbor who I was very closed to died two days before my birthday in October. Then my Grandpa died last summer.
I started cutting myself in about November 2010. I had just been pretending to before then, but then one of my ex-boyfriends told the school counselor, and they don’t do shit. All they do is sit there asking you why you’re so screwed up and threatening to tell your parents and then later talking about all the “problems” they had in college. As if. After I got cleared with the counselor and I didn’t have to go again. I found out that my friend Catie cut herself. She told me how she’d been suicidal before. We made a deal that night that if I only made 2 cuts, she’d only make 4. I desperately wanted her to stop. Well, not really. I wanted her to though. So that night I cut myself for the first time. And I was thinking “Why do people do this?”. Catie and I sort of became “cutting buddies”, if you will. I started to do it more and more until I became hooked. The last time I cut was sometime in February, but I want to do it everyday.