I didn’t know where else to turn. Â I tried to call the prevention hotline but the waiting on hold part made me feel ridiculous. Â I want to tweet and ask for help but my inlaws subscribe to me and probably think I’m nuts as it is from the tweets I’ve posted all day. Â I don’t even need comments, I don’t even know if I will be able to figure out how to check them. Â I just needed to talk, to say it out loud, to feel like someone actually cares. Â Not like I’m a nuisance, that I am taking up time and space. Â I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. Â Nothing is bad in my life. Â I have a fantastic family, I have a nice husband, I am lucky to have a home and two jobs, 4 pets, no money problems, etc. Â I don’t have mean people in my life, I don’t have anyone who abuses me or puts me down. Â I just haven’t been able to shake this feeling the past couple of days. Â Well, this isn’t the first time. Â I’ve actually done an outpatient program back in 2007 because of my suicidal thoughts. Â I’m a cutter. Â I know I have a problem with that, but I can’t stop. Â I used to take medication and I used to go to a therapist, but then the insurance ran out. Â So here I am, I just finished writing my last will and testament and I’m googling gun laws in my state. Â I am pondering if hanging myself or duct taping a bag around my head would be faster then shooting myself and if it is more efficient. Â What the heck is wrong with me? Â Why does it hurt like this?
I stumbled across this website when I google suicide so I’m hoping typing about it helps. Â I have an appointment to go to and then I don’t know, maybe I will get in a car accident on the way home? Â I hope for it, otherwise I will probably write more, try to figure out why I don’t want tobe here anymore.
Thanks for listening.
1 comment
im here 4 u u cn tlk 2 me