I’ve been having a rough time trying to deal with everything. My parents seem like they are splitting up. I’ve been “dumped”. Everyone acts like I should be the strong one. I can’t be. I’m going through life now pretending to be happy. My friends think I am, that is. I don’t want anyone else worrying about me. My parents know about my cutting now. Last night I refrained from cutting myself when I found out about how my parents see everyone in our household. I told them they are pathetic for both of them to give up. That was selfish of me, I know, but I don’t want to see the best marriage I have ever seen go to the trash when It is plain to see that they love each other. They just both feel unappreciated. I helped around the house yesterday and I’m going to be doing that a lot lately. Maybe it will help in some kooky way. I don’t believe in love anymore. My inspiration has disappeared and someone I thought was the one (only time I have ever felt that way) is gone. Done. Yeah… I know it is stupid and everyone on here is going to say to move on or something or pick me apart like they do in every post of mine. I know already that it is stupid to think someone could be the one at such a young age. I wanted something real from an online relationship. A relationship I thought was working better than any close/long distance relationship I have ever had. I don’t trust anyone anymore. I don’t believe in what people say. I don’t love. I say it to people but now it is just a word thrown around like the word “the” or “and” or “a”. All common words and that is what the word love is to me now. It is a common word used with no meaning. I thought there was such thing as ‘being in love’. Boy was I wrong.
Just expressing myself.
And yes, I have nothing better to do on a weekend than to post about depression and sorrow and all that stuff that makes me feel like shit.
-Kaylee
2 comments
I’m young too and “the one” for me left me too. I’m stuck in such a void. People thought I was just going to get over it and move on but its been months now and I haven’t. People are starting to realise how serious this is.
My parents are having problems too, they argue over me all the time. I’ve heard my mum say that I’m just dragging everyone down with me and that she wants to leave and move out. My dad’s had one broken marriage, he doesn’t need another. Especially when they work so well together. They used to cuddle up together every night and watch tv/films even though they’ve been together for so long. I don’t even think they do anymore.
Sorry to hear about all of what you’re going through, and the fact that you’re still here, and that you’re able to talk about what’s going on says a lot about your strength, maybe not to people that tell you to be the strong one, but from someone whose been through hell, you are strong, don’t let anyone tell you differently. My parents split up two years ago, I know how much it sucks. As for the love part, I figure that I’ll know it when I see it, I just haven’t seen it yet, so I don’t know what else to say about that. And if there’s something wrong with you for posting about depression and sorrow, then what’s wrong with me for reading that post? Sorry I’m not any good with words, so I’m kinda useless here, but, once again, you have my number, if you want to talk, you can call or text me anytime.
-Dalton