in the waiting room

i’ve been the same for 3 years. but now im determined there is no one in my life my parents can put the blame on, i’ve kept my space with my friends and i’ve been looking content outside. they expect me to graduate next month. but i failed so big. i fell short of their trust. i dont even have the courage or urge to make things right. i just dont belong to any future plans they have for me. i wont tell the hole story to rationalize why i will suicide. i love my parents i never had a bad experience with them they only supported me in anyway they can. but i know i cant return the favor. mum has retired 8 years ago and she is still working just that i dont have to study and work at the same time. but i couldnt do it. i hate college and “the great” experience it provides! i dont even go to classes for two semester.

i’ll do it. i’ve made the plan perfect and its not going to be messy or bloody just a peaceful choke and no one will be home to “rescue” me. i dont feel remorse , this is my choice and all the professionals and pills in the world wouldnt make any diffrence.